Karma, Fate or One Soul in two Hearts
by dawneh
Summary: Sequel to the other two Karma fics.. John Paul and Craig's life together is finally on track and going well... what could possibly happen to spoil that?
1. Chapter 1

"What about this one?" Craig asked, holding up the hanger, his face illuminated with enthusiasm.

"It's… small?" John Paul replied with an uncertain shrug.

"Err yeah… it's supposed to be!"

"That's… good then?"

"You're not very good at this," Craig laughed, replacing the hanger and slipping his hand casually into John Paul's as they walked deeper into the shop.

"Should I be?"

"You've got a big family…"

"Yeah… but I've never been shopping for baby clothes before!"

"But look," Craig enthused as he picked up a pair of trainers small enough to fit in the palm of his hand. "How cute are they?"

"They're… little shoes?"

"You're really not enjoying this are you?" Craig frowned slightly, his rich chocolate eyes focussed entirely on the blonde man at his side.

The two men had been living together for almost three years and yet Craig's heart would still skip a beat at the sight of his lover, he would still shudder with desire whenever John Paul touched him and he would still ache with longing whenever they were apart for longer than was really necessary.

Craig had fallen in love with John Paul when they were both little more than boys but in their adulthood they discovered the true depths of their feelings, feelings that they planned to celebrate in marriage as soon as they found the time to organise it.

"We can go if you want?" Craig offered with a smile. There was something rather endearing about seeing John Paul lost amidst the baby clothes and accessories, it heightened the angelic look of his features as he looked at the tiny outfits with a bemused expression.

John Paul laughed softly and squeezed tightly onto his boyfriends, his fiancée's fingers, every day was like falling in love all over again and John Paul still couldn't always believe that it was real, that he wouldn't wake one morning to discover it was all just a wonderful dream.

John Paul couldn't keep the smile from his lips as Craig wandered over to a display of soft toys, picking up a small blue bear and dancing it with childlike glee along the countertop.

Craig Dean had captured John Paul's heart so long ago and, despite the passage of time, those feelings never lessened, if anything they grew deeper and more substantial, something that would last until the end of time.

Placing the small bear back amongst its companions Craig absentmindedly ran his hand through his hair. Its colour was a brown as rich as his eyes, shimmering under the shops strip lighting as it curled gently over his shirt collar. Craig's mother, Frankie Dean, had often commented on the length of his hair, urging her youngest son to get it cut shorter, a more 'respectable' length. But then there were many things about Craig's life that Frankie wished she could change, not least of which being his relationship with John Paul.

"That's ok," John Paul replied in response to Craig's offer to leave the store. "Besides look at you…" John Paul laughed as his dark haired lover held up a small lemon coloured baby grow covered with pictures of tiny dancing bears, his eyes bright with excitement and joy. "I've never seen you so giddy!"

"Well it's exciting," Craig enthused, picking up a pair of booties that were almost the same colour as the baby grow and a small woollen hat that, for some inexplicable reason, had little rabbit ears pointing out of the top.

"I guess…" John Paul replied.

"It is John Paul… it is… there's gonna be a baby… and I'm gonna be an uncle!"

"Uncle Craig!" John Paul smiled as they headed towards the cash register, Craig's arms somehow suddenly laden with small clothes and toys despite John Paul not seeing him picking them all up. "I feel sorry for Debbie… that kid of hers is gonna get spoiled rotten if you get your way!"

"You bet it is!" Craig agreed, "That's the joy of being an Uncle, all the fun and none of the problems!"

"Someone's splashing out," the young shop assistant said with a pleasant smile as she began to scan Craig's purchases. "Is it your first?"

Craig grinned at the flame haired girl, his eyes sparkling as he watched item after item of baby accessories being packed away into bags. "No it's not ours," he said with a giggle, his hand casually stroking John Paul's arm as he spoke, in a gesture that made the younger man shiver with pleasure and pride. No matter how often it happened John Paul still got a thrill when he saw how casually Craig confirmed they were a couple, the teenage boy who once struggled with how he felt had grown into a man who was proud of his love.

"I can't even get him to set a date to get married," John Paul said teasingly, "Never mind think about having children!"

The assistant laughed as Craig pouted in mock offence, his eye betraying his true feelings as they danced with amusement.

"My boyfriend's just the same," the young woman sympathised. "I was going to say that's typical men… but I guess that doesn't apply in your case!"

"No so much," John Paul agreed, "But if you find a way to get your fella to set a date let me know!"

"I'll do that," she agreed as she scanned the last of Craig's purchases and accepted his credit card in payment of the not inconsiderable total.

Leaving the shop, laden with bags, Craig paused, his expression suddenly serious as he looked at his boyfriend.

"Does it really bother you?" he asked.

"What?"

"That we haven't set a date yet…"

"I don't…" John Paul thought for a moment, he had only made the comment as a passing joke but now that he was faced with the question it felt closer to the truth than he had realised. "Not bother me as such but…"

"But?"

"It'd be good to get it organised… to start making plans you know? To know that it is something that's really going to happen."

"Ok," Craig replied thoughtfully. "How about Christmas."

"What?"

"A Christmas wedding… what do you say… you'd look gorgeous in white!"

"That's… that's only eight months away," John Paul said with a bemused smile as he tried to ascertain the seriousness behind Craig's words.

"That's right," Craig agreed, striding purposefully away from the store and towards his car. "So we'd better start making plans."

* * *

John Paul awoke slowly. The warmth and comfort of the bed encouraging him to eek out the last remaining moments of slumber before full wakefulness had to stake its claim. Stretching slightly he turned onto his side to face the man he knew was there even though he had yet to open his eyes.

"Morning," Craig said as he brushed a soft kiss across John Paul's forehead.

"Mmmm…" John Paul mumbled back sleepily.

"Is that all the greeting I get?" Craig laughed, shaking his lover playfully.

"Five more minutes," John Paul grumbled, grabbing the edge of the duvet and pulling it up under his chin.

"You are the worst person I have ever known to wake in the morning!"

Opening one eye John Paul grinned. "I hope there haven't been that many people you've had to try and wake!"

"Even if there had been they wouldn't have been as difficult as you…"

"I'm awake…"

"You don't look it…"

"What can I say? Master of disguise me!"

"Right now you're doing a great impression of someone who wont wake up."

Opening his eyes with an exaggerated wideness John Paul shuffled until he was half upright in the bed.

"Ta da!" He exclaimed, "Look all awake!"

"You are an idiot…"

"Ahh you wouldn't change me for the world!"

"You sure about that?"

"Hey!" Grabbing the pillow from behind his head John Paul used it to hit his boyfriend, before stuffing it back where it belonged.

"D'you think she'll be all right?" Craig asked, suddenly serious, his deep chocolate eyes heavy with concern.

"Who?"

"Debbie… I just can't believe she's doing this whole baby thing on her own… I wish she'd tell us who the father is…"

"It's her choice," John Paul replied, taking Craig's hand in his and squeezing it gently, "And if she really doesn't want to say… well maybe it's for good reason… he must be a right loser if she doesn't want him involved, your Debbie isn't stupid…"

"I guess," Craig conceded with a small smile, grateful for the blue-eyed mans reassurances. "I still don't like the idea of her doing it all alone though…"

"Alone?" John Paul laughed, "Are you kidding? She's got your mum, Steph, Jake, us… the poor woman will probably be begging for some peace before long!"

"Yeah maybe," Craig said, his eyes growing thoughtful. "You know yesterday… in the shop…"

"Yeah…"

"You remember when the girl behind the counter thought the baby stuff was ours?"

"Well she thought it was yours… probably assumed you had a gorgeous wife back at home somewhere…"

"Yeah but… but when she did…"

"What about it?"

"I kind of…" Craig shook his head and looked flustered for a moment. "No forget it. It doesn't matter…"

"Craig obviously it does matter… go on tell me… you kind of what…"

"I… I kind of wished it was… you know? I mean… I dunno… but don't you ever think about it… not right now or anything… but we'll be getting married soon and then, well doesn't a family kinda feel like the next step?"

John Paul frowned, surprised by Craig's unexpected thoughts. "Seriously?"

"Why not?"

"Craig I think you're just getting broody cause Debbie is due soon… trust me a few weeks of sleepless nights and the idea of a new baby wouldn't seem quite so appealing… hell isn't Kai enough responsibility at the moment?"

Kai raised his head at the sound of his name and John Paul scowled at the small ten month old apricot Siamese cat that had been, in all truth, an accidental acquisition to their home. While having nothing against cats as such they had also never been creatures that interested John Paul; but when one of Craig's colleagues had needed a home for the then six-month-old cat the brown-eyed man had fallen in love. Kai had a long face with a wide space between his large, pricked ears. His face fell in gentle lines down to a fine, elongated mouth and thin neck. His oriental eyes were a deep, magnificent royal blue that shone with intense intelligence. Unlike most Siamese he lacked a dark tale and mask, instead his cream body was dotted across his face, ears and tail with a soft hot watercolour orange the same shade as an apricot.

Kai stretched as he got to his feet before moving impatiently across the bed, his tail swishing side to side as he noisily moaned about something the blonde haired man could only wonder, before circling around the gap between Craig's legs in the duvet and lying down, his throat rumbling in a deep, regal purr.

"A cat's hardly the same thing as a baby is it?" Craig said with a laugh, his hand automatically falling to stroke his pets head slowly, deepening the volume of Kai's purr.

"No exactly," John Paul replied with a smile, "And Kai takes enough effort now!"

"You like him really…"

"Hmmm…"

"You do…"

"He's funny looking," John Paul teased. "Cat's should be fluffy!"

"He's a Siamese John Paul, they're supposed to look like that… go on… say you like him…"

"He's spoilt…"

"Say you like him and I'll make breakfast…"

John Paul laughed at his boyfriend's blatant attempts at bribery. "He's all right I suppose," the blonde conceded with a smile.

"For all right you just get tea and toast," Craig grinned as he carefully eased himself from the bed; his actions slow so as not to disturb the slumber of the feline.

* * *

Dressed in nothing but dark blue boxer shorts John Paul dropped himself onto a kitchen chair, gratefully taking the mug of steaming hot tea from Craig and sipping carefully at the dark liquid, wincing as it burned his tongue and then returning for another sip.

Refastening the tie of his white towelling bathrobe over his naked body Craig generously smothered two rounds of toast with butter and jam before sliding them across the table to his boyfriend.

John Paul bit into the toast with an appreciative 'mmm,' a dollop of jam spattering his bare chest.

Kai mewed beside Craig's chair as the man placed a small bowl of food on the floor, the cat carefully selecting a morsel from his dish and eating it slowly. There was nothing rushed about the felines actions as he breakfasted with his human companions and John Paul sometimes got the impression that the Siamese considered the two men as the pets of the house.

"Good job you didn't put your shirt on yet," Craig teased as he leant forward and scooped up the errant preserve with one finger and then fed it unto John Paul's hot mouth.

Sucking Craig's finger clean John Paul grinned wickedly.

"I've got work John Paul…"

"I know," the blonde replied, his teeth still gripping Craig's finger.

"So stop trying to distract me…"

"As if I would…"

"Yeah as if!" With a laugh Craig pulled his finger from the heat of his lovers mouth, the sound of the post hitting the hallway floor providing the perfect distraction. It wouldn't be the first time that John Paul had been the cause of Craig being late for work.

Throwing a scattering of letters onto the table Craig took a seat facing his boyfriend and took hold of his mug of tea, watching over the porcelain rim as John Paul casually flicked through the post.

John Paul's skin was so pure, so perfect looking, that Craig's fingers constantly itched with a desire to touch it. The younger man's eyes sparkled like chipped blue ice, shimmering as the light caught them and mesmerising Craig with every new look.

Craig had never truly married the woman he had once married, but he loved the man he was about to, more than he would have once believed possible.

"Shit!"

John Paul's exclamation crashed into Craig's reverie like a steamroller as the blonde man held a letter in his hand, the torn envelope lying before him on the table.

"I can't believe it," John Paul said with a shake of his head.

"What? What is it?" Craig asked, his face lined with concern as he reached out a hand towards the letter that John Paul was looking at with disbelief.

"It's… it's Simon," John Paul began.

"What is?"

"This letter… it's from Simon… they're releasing him… he wants to see me."

The silence was palpable, like a heavy blanket covering the two men, freezing them in place until neither could move or speak, their breaths low and shallow as John Paul's words echoed around both of their heads. The name of a man they had both tried, and failed, to forget.

Sensing the strained atmosphere Kai mewed his mild annoyance before winding himself around Craig's bare legs, stating his allegiance over something he had no real interest in as he sat beside the dark haired man's feet.

"You're… you're not going to are you?" Craig asked after such an extended silence that he almost felt if neither of them spoke soon they never would again.

"I don't know," John Paul replied honestly as he re-read his ex-lovers words. They sounded so sincere, so honest and open and they reminded him of the Simon he had once cared for.

"You can't be serious… he's a fucking nutter!" Craig exclaimed, trying to grab for the letter with the intention of ripping it to shreds, but John Paul held it from his reach.

"He was sick Craig, if he's being released he must be all right again now…"

"Have you forgotten what he did? What he tried to do?"

"Of course I haven't," John Paul replied curtly. The knowledge of how close he had come to losing Craig had haunted the blonde man for months following Simon's arrest. And he would still sometimes wake gripped with panic and coated in a cold sweat, held tight by a fear that would only dissipate once he reassured himself of Craig's safe presence beside him in the bed.

"He tried to kill me!"

"You think I don't remember that?"

"I don't know, do you? You seem happy enough with the idea of going off for a nice cosy chat with him…"

"It's not like that Craig," John Paul said with a melancholy sigh.

"So what is it like?" Craig snapped. "The man who almost killed me wants to see you to... to what? Say he's sorry? And then that'll be all right… all forgiven and forgotten?"

"I'll never forget… you know that…"

"But you will forgive?"

"I… I just need… I don't know… Simon he, he wasn't always like that… and what if…"

"What?"

"What if what I did… what we did… something had to make him behave the way he did…"

Craig shook his head slowly. "So now this is our fault?"

"No, no of course it isn't… but…"

"There's no but John Paul… Simon did what he did… not anyone else… you didn't see all the pictures he had of you… he must have been stalking you for months… and you think that's just going to be over with now?"

"The doctor's are releasing him so…"

"So nothing… I don't trust him, and I never will… I don't think you should go."

"I owe him," John Paul said quietly, his eyes fixed on the tabletop and his half eaten toast.

"You own him nothing…"

"I betrayed him, I lied to him… cheated on him… for all I know I drove him to…"

"Stop it," Craig said firmly, reaching across the table and gripping tightly onto John Paul's hand. "Stop blaming yourself… you didn't cause any of what happened…"

"I just need to know he's OK," John Paul replied, lifting his gaze to fix his azure pools with the liquid chocolate of Craig's soft eyes. "I need to know he's going to be OK…"

"I don't want anything to happen to you," Craig said softly, his steady gaze reflecting the concern heavy in his voice.

"It wont," John Paul reassured him, "But it's something I think I need to do… something he needs to do… you do understand don't you?"

"I don't like it."

"But you understand?"

"Only… let me come with you at least?"

"I think I have to do this on my own Craig…"

"John Paul…"

"Please Craig, I need your support on this… we need to be able to put what happened behind us and I think seeing that Simon is better now, over it all… that can only be a good thing can't it?"

"I just…"

"It'll be OK. Trust me."

"I do," Craig said with another squeeze of John Paul's hand. "It's him I don't trust…"

The two men looked at each other across the kitchen table, both lost in their own thoughts and yet still somehow completely connected. Despite Craig's understandable concerns Simon's shadow had never entirely left them and if this meeting could finally exorcise the past then he knew he had to offer his support, no matter how much he wished it wasn't necessary.

"Look at the time," John Paul said suddenly. "We'd better get dressed… you'll be late for work if you don't hurry."

"You remember we're going to see Debbie tonight?" Craig said as he got to his feet, Kai instantly rising and following him towards the kitchen door.

John Paul smiled as Craig gently stroked his hand through his lover's hair as he passed. "Yeah I remember," he said affectionately. "As I recall we have a couple of presents to take her! And Craig… thanks…"

Craig smiled, his eyes warm with love. Sometimes words weren't necessary.

* * *

The day had dragged, Craig's eyes constantly checking the time, which seemed to move painfully slowly towards the end of the day. The clock had barely grazed five o'clock before Craig had put on his coat and raced towards the door.

Twenty minutes later Craig was home and surrounded by the various items of baby clothes, toys and accessories that he had been unable to resist buying, each one carefully wrapped in a variety of brightly coloured paper and tied with rainbow coloured ribbons.

The final gift rested on Craig's lap. The small yellow baby-grow and its decoration of merry dancing bears brought tears to Craig's eyes. It seemed impossible that any human could ever be as small at to fit in the tiny garment, that anyone could start life being so small and delicate. Picking up the baby-grow Craig smiled as he imagined the newborn child it would soon adorn. The next generation of Dean's, and Uncle Craig would be there every step of the way.

Standing in the doorway John Paul smiled as he watched his boyfriend carefully fold the baby-grow before wrapping it in a red shiny paper. Craig had never looked quite so beautiful and John Paul felt his heart swell with love. If he had lost Craig… John Paul shook his head. He couldn't bear to think such a thing. Craig was there and safe and before long they would stand before their friends and families and commit their lives together for all eternity.

* * *

"Craig!" Debbie exclaimed cheerfully as she opened the door of her modest semi-detached house and kissed her young brother warmly on the cheek. "And the gorgeous John Paul," she continued as the blonde man followed her brother across the threshold.

Situated in a quiet cul-de-sac Debbie Dean's home had a simplicity that felt both comfortable yet sophisticated. Her tastes in décor had bordered on the minimal, with very little clutter evident on any surfaces, save for a few framed family photographs on the dark oak mantle. However the woman was under no illusions that this was shortly going to change. Already her cupboards were beginning to overflow with baby paraphernalia and, despite having once loved the basic simplicity of her house, Debbie was looking forward to the clutter and noise that the new life growing inside her would bring. Then she would know that her house really was a home.

"You're looking well," John Paul said as he exchanged a kiss with his boyfriends sister, his soon to be sister in law he realised with an internal smile.

The eldest of the Dean girls Debbie had matured into a beautiful woman with a confident ease about her. Her long dark hair shone as it hung just below her shoulders and her smile was bright with good humour. For years she had, with the encouragement of her mother, pursued a career in music, dreaming of being the 'next big thing' but time and experience had taught the woman that sometimes dreams would only ever be that.

Finally Debbie Dean had given up the fantasy of being a star and taken on several temping jobs, having the financial security of the money she had saved during her work on the cruise ships behind her.

"Look at you!" Craig said with glee as he patted his sister's large belly. "You're huge!"

"Pregnancy will do that Craig," Debbie replied with a laugh, "Especially when you're eight months along!"

With a sigh of discomfort the brunette lowered herself into an armchair, her hands instinctively moving to rest on her stomach.

"How you feeling?" John Paul asked as he noticed the tired look in the woman's eyes.

"I'll be glad to finally meet this little fella I can tell you," Debbie replied. "It's so exhausting to do anything when you're constantly hauling this bump around! At least when he's born I can get someone else to look after him sometimes."

"You know you only have to ask Debs," Craig enthused, the idea of babysitting his as yet unborn nephew bringing a bright smile to his face.

"You'd better be careful Debs," John Paul teased. "Craig's getting that broody he might never give the kid back."

Debbie laughed gently. She couldn't remember ever seeing her younger brother so happy. She had witnessed the misery that his marriage to Salome had brought him, and had often suggested that he leave the woman long before he ever did, offering her own home as a sanctuary if he ever needed it. Debbie had mourned the loss of Craig when he did finally leave his wife and then vanished, seemingly without a trace, but seeing him now, seeing him finally find the life that made him happy had made all the upset worth it. It seemed that John Paul McQueen was the only person who was able to bring Craig the joy he deserved and as such earned Debbie's eternal gratitude and respect and, as she grew to know the man, he had gained her friendship and love as well.

Spotting the selection of carrier bags scattered around her brother's feet Debbie sighed. "Craig you don't have to keep bringing me things you know, just you coming to see me is enough."

"I know," Craig replied, a pink flush colouring his cheeks slightly, "It's just a couple of things I thought you might like… it's nothing much… really!"

"Looks like you bought half the shop to me!"

"Don't worry Debs," John Paul laughed, "He'll probably go back for the other half before much longer!"

"Hey what is this?" Craig asked with a mock pout, "You two ganging up on me?"

"Always!" John Paul replied with a laugh that he shared with Debbie. "You know we love you really…"

"You'd better," Craig said with an elbow in John Paul's ribs. "Or I'm not gonna marry you!"

The two men exchange a look that made Debbie feel as if she were intruding on a private moment and yet she felt no compunction to look away. Her own love life had been a catalogue of disasters and bad choices, culminating in an unexpected, although not entirely unwanted, pregnancy. She had long since given up the belief that she would be lucky enough to find true love but seeing it shining in the eyes of the two men sat in her home was still enough to make Debbie smile widely.

"Talking of weddings," Craig said with a grin as he turned to his sister, "What you doing some time around Christmas?"

"Have you finally set a date?" Debbie asked joyfully.

"Almost," Craig confirmed, "We just need to finalise things, but yeah John Paul finally agreed to make an honest man of me!"

"I think that's asking a bit much," John Paul laughed.

"I would get up and give you both a big hug," Debbie said, "But it would just take too much effort… so you'd better come here!"

Holding out her arms Debbie beckoned her brother and his boyfriend, or rather fiancé, to her, wrapping them both in a warm embrace as they knelt on the floor at her feet.

Craig felt tears prickling at his eyes, making him close them tight as held his sister and his boyfriend close. He couldn't remember feeling so happy or so complete and not even the background worry of Simon could spoil the moment. Life was finally the way it should be and the future was a shining light ahead of him, ahead of them all.

"Craig," Debbie said with a hint of seriousness in her voice as the men pulled back from her hug. "Can I ask you a favour…"

"Course you can…"

"You don't know what it is yet."

"I'll do anything I can Debs, you know that…"


	2. Chapter 2

"You'll be careful wont you?" Craig asked nervously as he watched John Paul across the kitchen table sipping his morning tea.

"It'll be fine," John Paul reassured him with a gentle smile.

"Promise me you'll be careful…"

"Craig!"

"Promise me… please…"

"Craig…" John Paul's voice was soft, his eyes like a field of cornflowers on a bright summers day and his touch, as he took a hold of Craig's hand, was a gentle caress. "I promise you. I'm just going to talk to him, lay a few ghosts to rest and then come home… to you… OK?"

Craig smiled but his eyes were still filled with concern.

From the moment Simon's letter had entered their lives Craig had hated the idea of John Paul going anywhere near the man and now, on the day of the meeting, his discomfort had increased exponentially. Whatever the doctors said, whatever anyone said, Simon was dangerous and no one would convince Craig otherwise. He had seen first hand the depths of the man's obsession and he could not believe that such a thing could be 'cured' so easily.

"I just… I just wish you didn't have to go," Craig said quietly.

"But you know why I am don't you? This isn't just for Simon's benefit… I need to do it… for us…"

"Yeah… yeah I know."

Getting to his feet John Paul walked around the table and, taking a hold of Craig's hands, he pulled the man upright to face him. John Paul's hands cupped Craig's face gently, his eyes glistening with the love that he could see shining in the chocolate pools of his lover's gaze as he moved forward to touch his lips lightly against Craig's.

Craig felt a small sigh of a moan fall from his lips as John Paul pulled back, his lips tingling with the briefest touch from his boyfriend's and his very soul vibrating with the love he felt in that briefest of kiss.

"I'll be home before you know it," John Paul whispered, his hands falling to Craig's hips and his mouth curving into an affectionate smile.

"I'll be counting the minutes," Craig replied as he slipped his arms around John Paul's waist and pulled the man into a close embrace. "Call me when you get there to let me know everything's OK…"

"I will," the blonde man promised.

"And text… let me know how it's going…"

"OK…"

"And don't go anywhere with him…"

"Craig!" John Paul laughed kindly.

"I mean it," Craig said, pulling back so that he could bathe for a moment in the aqua lagoons of John Paul's eyes. "Just talk to him in the café… don't let him talk you into going anywhere that isn't public…"

"I promise," John Paul said, kissing the softness of Craig's lips firmly, his grip on the man's hips firm as he closed his eyes tight and breathed in the scent of the man who made his senses spin simply by being there.

* * *

Craig stood at the window, looking out over a day that, despite the clear blue skies and dazzling sunshine, felt somewhat overcast and gloomy. There was a dark shadow blocking out the light, a Simon shaped shadow that caused Craig to shiver with an unseasonable chill.

From the moment John Paul had left the house the gnawing worry in Craig's stomach had increased and, despite the blonde man's constant reassurances, he knew that he would continue to worry until the moment John Paul was back within his sight again. Back safe. Back home and out of Simon's dangerous grasp.

Turning from the window Craig sighed, a look at his watch told him that John Paul had been gone less than twenty minutes, not even time for the man to have reached Manchester and, not for the first time, Craig considered phoning and asking John Paul to come home. He knew that if he really asked, if he insisted that John Paul turn around and forget meeting Simon that the blonde man would agree, that his love for Craig would win out. Just like he knew that if John Paul did that he would always be left wondering and the shadow would never completely leave them.

Walking over to the sideboard Craig picked up a silver photo frame, a reflection of his face glowing back from the polished metal.

The centre of the frame was empty, still waiting for the picture that would be place proudly inside it, one edge decorated with the engraving of a teddy bear holding balloons and the other showing four letters stacked on top of each other as if they were building blocks. B.A.B.Y. At the bottom of the frame, beneath the glass that would protect the valuable photograph, was the image of a scroll, its contents as yet absent as the details of the baby's name and date of birth awaited to be revealed.

Running his hands lightly over the decorations Craig smiled. The frame was another present for his sister, one that he would present to her once it was completed – a beautiful memory of the birth of her first child.

As he continued to look at the frame, imagining what the baby, whose image would soon occupy it, would look like Debbie's words came back to him. 'Can I ask you a favour?'

Craig had agreed with his sister's request even before knowing what it was and, once she had told him what she had in mind, he had felt no more inclined to refuse.

"Are you sure about this Debs?" Craig had asked. "Are you sure you want me?"

"I couldn't think of anyone better."

"Then I'd be honoured, really."

* * *

John Paul had been standing near the doorway of the café for at least five minutes. The train to Manchester had been early almost as if fate were making sure he didn't have the chance to back out. A part of him was gripped with the urge to turn and run but a deeper part knew that he couldn't. He needed to face the man who had almost taken the most precious thing in his life away, he needed to look into the eyes of the man who had once claimed to love him and try to understand how that love could have turned to such a terrible hatred.

Looking at the closed door John Paul took a deep breath. He seemed to be observing every minute detail of the simple piece of wood that was all that separated him from the interior of the café. He could see each flake of peeling paint, the dog-eared open and closed sign that had become stained and crumpled with countless turnings and the grimy blind that covered the dirty glass in the door and thus prevented him from peering inside.

Closing his eyes for an instant John Paul quickly conjured up the image of his lover, the dark haired man was revealed to John Paul with perfect clarity, the sight, sound and smell of him as vivid as if they were standing together. He could never, ever have done that with Simon or drawn such reassurance from his image. That was something reserved for just Craig. Taking a deep breath John Paul drew strength from the knowledge that Craig was back at home waiting for him, loving him and, with a firm shove, he opened the café door and stepped inside.

The café was not as grimy as its door might have led you to think, but neither was it anything special. Its early nineties décor told of its static place in the lives of its users, and the small circular grey tables hovered around its counter which was located along the left against an alcove that led into a kitchen. A few pensioners sat clutching their coffees and teas, various confectionaries sold off on a discount based on their age. One side of the café seemed filled with builders jeering in boyish tones at jokes as they looked over page three of the Sun, but John Paul's sight took little notice. His blue eyes were centred solely on the man who sat right at the back, a shiver running down his spine.

It seemed like a lifetime since he had last laid eyes on the man who was sipping on a plain white mug, his eyes seemingly fixed on a point on the tabletop, and yet at the same time it felt like only yesterday that he had been threatening his life with Craig, that he had tried to take Craig's life away.

Looking up suddenly Simon spotted John Paul still standing motionless by the open door and smiled. The look chilled John Paul more than he expected, but not because there was any cold or malice in Simon's grey eyes, rather they looked warm and welcoming, the eyes if the man he used to know, used to care for, love even. How could that man be the one who had committed such horrors? How could someone who looked so kind, so normal, be capable of such uncontrolled hate?

"Either in or out love," a female voice to John Paul's right said in a friendly tone, "But you're causing a draught holding the door open like that!"

"Sorry," John Paul replied, turning to smile at the small chubby woman as he let the door swing closed, sealing his decision to stay.

"Can I get you something love?" The woman asked, wiping her hands on the front of an off-white apron and fishing out a small notepad from the pocket on the front.

"Tea please," John Paul replied. "Strong, no sugar…"

"You take a seat love, I'll bring it over."

Taking a deep breath John Paul forced his feet to move, slow deliberate steps taking him closer and closer to the man sat quietly at the back of the café.

Sitting at the table Simon looked so ordinary; nothing marked him out as different to any other patron of the small café. His clothing of dark blue jeans, white shirt and black leather jacket looked good on him, and his newly styled short-cropped hair seemed to suit him, his eyes sparkling in a face that looked thinner than John Paul remembered.

If he had passed Simon on the street John Paul would have thought him a good looking man; but no matter how good Simon looked or how well, the hands currently holding his mug were the same ones that had tried to crush the life from Craig, throwing him to the floor like a damaged rag doll.

"I wasn't sure you'd come," Simon said in a quiet voice as John Paul approached the table.

"I said I would," John Paul replied, sliding onto the cold plastic chair facing his ex.

"I know but… I wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't… after everything I… thank you… thank you for coming."

The two men observed each other silently, their expressions so grave that John Paul's drink was placed before him without a word from the woman who shuffled away quickly, wondering who had died to make the men look so sad.

"Why?" John Paul finally broke the silence with one word but a word that asked a million questions, none of which Simon had the answer for.

As he looked at the man he had loved to the point of insanity Simon's eyes shimmered with unshed tears of regret, he knew the pain he had caused John Paul and he hated himself for it. Hidden beneath his clothing Simon's body bore the scars of self-injury that he had inflicted as the reality of his action became clear to him. Cutting and burning himself in punishment of the misery he knew he had caused but no amount of pain or damage could give the man absolution, only John Paul's forgiveness could do that.

"I don't know," Simon replied honestly. "When I found out about you and Craig I was hurt, of course I was, but I was OK, I thought I was OK… I went away and I moved on but…"

"But?"

"Things kept on reminding me of you, silly things, a song on the radio or a TV show, nothing on their own but they all added up, reminding me of what I'd lost, not letting the hurt heal until, until I wanted revenge… I wanted to see you hurt like I was…"

"By taking Craig from me?"

"No… yes… Not, not how it turned out… none of that was meant to happen. It was just the letters, I swear, that was all I ever intended, to upset things between you I guess but then…" Simon shook his head and rubbed his hands roughly over his face, his eyes closed tightly and his features twisted into a disgusted grimace. "But then I saw you together, still strong, still happy and… I don't know… something just snapped… You were mine and he had no right to you, that's how it felt, that's what I thought…"

Before John Paul could respond his mobile beeped in his pocket to alert him to a waiting message. Pulling the phone from his jeans John Paul read the text and smiled.

"Craig?" Simon asked casually.

"He's just checking I'm all right," John Paul replied as he keyed his reassurances to his boyfriend.

"Can't say I blame him," Simon said with a bashful smile. "I'm surprised he let you come…"

"He wasn't keen," John Paul admitted. "But I had to… I had to know…"

"Know?"

"Why you did it… if I can forgive you… if I can stop hating you…"

"And can you?"

"How do I forgive you for what you did?" John Paul asked, his hands wrapping tightly around the drink he didn't really want, sipping at the scalding hot liquid without really feeling or tasting it. "You tried to destroy my life… you tried to take Craig from me… but not just take him, not just drive him away… Simon you nearly killed him… how do I just forgive that?"

"I'm sorry," Simon replied, his soft grey eyes echoing his regret ten-fold as a single tear trickled slowly down his cheek. "You have no idea how sorry… it sickens me what I did to you… what I did to Craig… You're right John Paul, I don't deserve your forgiveness…"

"I don't think I can ever forgive you Simon, but I need… I need to know that you're a different person now, I need to know that you're not the man who did those things… so then maybe I can start to forget… So I can stop waking up in a cold sweat, checking to make sure that Craig is still there, that he's still safe… No… I don't think I can forgive you…"

"I understand," Simon said quietly, his eyes fixed on the bottom of his empty mug. He had known it was a futile hope that John Paul would forgive him and yet the confirmation that such forgiveness was not his to receive was a crushing blow. "But I am a different person now John Paul, I promise you that…" Raising his gaze to meet the intense beauty of John Paul's eyes Simon held back the urge to weep. "I know I will never be able to undo what I did, to take back the pain I caused, if I could…"

"No you can't."

"No… no I can't, you're right…"

John Paul sipped at his tea thoughtfully. He wasn't sure what he had hoped to achieve by meeting Simon and now he wasn't sure if it had helped.

The Simon sat before him was not the dark creature of his nightmares who was constantly poised to pounce and destroy that which made his heart beat. Instead he was just a man, a rather weak and pathetic looking man at that.

Forgiveness was not something that Simon would ever deserve and yet John Paul realised that the man at least had his pity. After everything that had happened John Paul and Craig had survived and they were stronger than ever. Simon was left with nothing, not even a home to call his own, but rather a single room in a halfway house while he struggled to rebuild the shell of his life.

"I should probably go," John Paul said when he had finished his drink and the silence between the men had started to grow uncomfortable.

"Do you have to?" Simon replied, his eyes pleading for more time.

"I don't know why I came… I hope you're OK Simon, I really do… but there's nothing else I can do for you."

"That's not true… please John Paul." Once again Simon's eyes misted over with tears as he watched helplessly while John Paul got to his feet. "I didn't just lose my lover when you went to Craig… I lost my best friend too…"

"I'm sorry…"

"Come and see me again?"

"I don't think so…"

"Please John Paul… for old times sake?"

"Craig wouldn't like it…"

"And what about you?"

"Take care Simon," John Paul said with a half smile.

"Say you'll come again…"

"I'm sorry… I don't think that would be a good idea… goodbye Simon."

Simon watched silently as John Paul departed, his eyes fixed on the door long after his ex-lover had gone.

Reaching across the table Simon picked up John Paul's empty mug and pressed it to his mouth, his tongue sweeping over the rim where John Paul's lips had recently touched. With his eyes closed tightly Simon recalled the feeling of John Paul's lips, a heavy sigh falling from his mouth as he imagined the cold mug was really the heat of John Paul's kiss.

* * *

"I'm on my way home," John Paul said into his mobile as he made his way back towards Manchester Piccadilly train station.

"Already," came Craig's surprised reply. "You can't have been there long… it must have taken you longer to get to Manchester than the time you spent talking to him." Try as he might Craig couldn't hide the distaste in his voice as he spat the word 'him'.

"Yeah well… I said all I had to say… there wasn't any reason to stay…"

"How did it go?"

"I don't know… he's…"

"He didn't threaten you or anything did he?" Craig asked suddenly worried that John Paul had fled the meeting rather that just left.

"No, no… nothing like that," John Paul reassured him. "He just… he just seemed… I don't know… broken…"

"Good."

"Craig!"

"I'm sorry," Craig replied. "But after what he did you can't expect me to feel sorry for him…"

"No I guess not," John Paul accepted.

"Are you sorry you went?"

John Paul considered his answer for a moment. "You know what? I'm not… I'm glad I saw him… I think I'd built him up in my head as some big scary monster and… and he's just not… he's not anything…"

"Well that's it then," Craig said with relief in his voice. "Now you can just get yourself back home to me…"

"I'll call when the train gets into Euston, you can get the kettle on!"

"See you in a bit…"

"Craig?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you…"

"You'd better… cause I love you too."

With a smile Craig put down the phone and, after doing a quick calculation of how long the train from Manchester should take, followed by John Paul's drive back to Covent Garden, he decided he would have plenty of time to get to the shops and back.

Craig had been terrified the whole time he knew John Paul was face to face with that man and now he wanted more than anything to welcome his lover back home and help wash away the last reminders that Simon was ever in their lives.

* * *

"Home at last," John Paul breathed to himself with a deep sigh as he killed the engine of his car and took a moment to look out onto the street. His street.

The move to London had been both a desire and a need for the men after everything that had happened to them and when they had viewed the house in Marylebone that was the place they wanted to be. That house would be their home.

The journey home had felt like it had taken a lifetime, the train seemed to crawl at an impossibly slow pace, stopping far too long at each station and, when he finally made it to Euston, the traffic on the drive back home had been against him, every light was red and every other car seemed to want to be on the same stretch of road that he was.

Getting out of his car John Paul stretched, he ached from head to toe, the journey leaving him feeling grimy and exhausted. The whole day had left John Paul needing only two things. Craig, and more Craig.

Seeing Simon had provoked so many emotions in John Paul, distaste and pity being the dominant two, but what it had also done was remind him just how lucky he was. Of how much he loved Craig and how much he knew he was loved in return.

What he had once felt for Simon, for any other man, paled into nothing when put beside the brightness and intensity of the love he shared with his chocolate-eyed Adonis. He had almost lost Craig on several occasions, through misunderstanding, through fear and then through another man's terrifying obsession. But ultimately, when it came to the crunch they had survived, they had made it through together and he knew that nothing now could ever be strong enough to come between them.

Sliding his key into the lock of the front door John Paul's face was illuminated by a weary but happy smile. He was glad that he had been to see Simon but now he was glad, more than glad, to be home and with the man he loved, the man he was shortly going to marry.

"That kettle better be boiled," John Paul called as he walked through the hallway, slipping his jacket on a hook as he passed and dropping his keys onto a small mahogany sideboard.

"I can do better than that," Craig's voice called out, stepping into the hallway to greet his lover, the lithe body of the apricot Siamese rubbing against his legs as Kai mewed his annoyance at Craig's attention being directed elsewhere.

"Better than tea? There is such a thing…"

"Wait and see…" Craig touched his mouth to John Paul's lips gently and affectionately, his hands running through the blonde's hair. "You OK?" he asked gently as his hand slipped into John Paul's.

"Yeah I… I'm glad to be home…" Looking into the liquid depths of Craig's dark eyes John Paul experience the same sensation he often felt and yet it always took him by surprise. It felt like falling. His stomach did multiple somersaults in his belly while his heart beat faster and faster, his pulse racing and his breath coming in small sharp gasps. It was falling: John Paul was falling, falling into Craig's beautiful eyes and falling in love all over again. He didn't know it was possible to fall in love with the same person more than once, but he had fallen in love with Craig so many times he had lost count, and each time took his breath away and made him feel more alive than he had ever known.

"You look tired," Craig said gently.

"It's been a long day…"

"But it… it was OK?"

"Yeah, yeah it was fine… Simon, he's…"

"He's what?"

John Paul considered his answer for a moment. The fear he had been feeling for his ex lover had been banished in that one meeting, replaced by pity. "He's nothing," John Paul replied finally. "He's just nothing…"

"Come on," Craig said, gripping John Paul's hand tightly and heading towards the stairs, pausing for a second to shoo Kai away from them.

"Craig I'm tired… I don't think I've got the energy to…"

"Come on," Craig insisted with a bright smile. "Trust me… you have the energy for this."

"For what?" John Paul asked as he followed his boyfriend up the staircase, one hand running along the smooth mahogany banister and his feet seemed to bounce against the deep burgundy carpet.

"You'll see," Craig teased.

"What have you done?"

"You'll see!" Craig repeated with a laugh as he led John Paul to the bathroom and pushed the door open.

John Paul's face broke into a wide smile as he stepped into the room. The air was warm with a sweet, fruity steam that rose from the deep bubble filled large oval bath tub and the only illumination came from several candles who's flames flickered and danced seductively. John Paul looked around curiously at the soft sound of music, finally locating Craig's ipod secreted in a corner of the room playing a gently melody that seemed to compliment the ambiance of the room perfectly.

"What's this for?" John Paul asked, slightly breathlessly.

"For you," Craig told him with a smile. "I thought after today… well I thought you deserved some pampering."

"It's… I…"

"I probably overdid it with the bubble bath," Craig said with a small laugh, "So I wouldn't recommend turning on the Jacuzzi jets… unless you fancy a foam party… now do you still want that tea… or can I tempt you with something a bit more chilled?"

"Such as?"

"Why don't you get in the bath… and I'll go and get it!"

His clothes quickly thrown into the corner of the room John Paul lowered himself into the hot fragrant water with a sigh. The heat of the bath penetrated his aching muscles helping them to relax as he lay back against the edge of the tub and closed his eyes, the water and the music both caressing his senses and soothing him into submission.

Standing in the doorway of the bathroom Craig couldn't keep the smile from his lips as he watched his blonde haired lover singing gently to himself along with the delicate love song that played on the ipod. John Paul's hair was damp with steam and he was so low in the water that the bubbles were tickling against his chin.

Sensing Craig's presence John Paul opened his eyes and looked towards the door.

"You gonna stand there all day or do you plan on joining me?" John Paul asked with a suggestive raising of his eyebrows.

"D'you think there's room for me in there?" Craig replied with a laugh, the truth being that the bathtub could comfortably hold three, or even four, occupants, not that the men had put that to the test.

When they had originally planned the refurbishment of the bathroom after moving in the large Jacuzzi bath had seemed an unnecessary extravagance and they had resisted the purchase as they chose every other item for the room. Eventually the underfloor heating had been installed, the walls tiled, the woodwork painted, everything was decided but the most important feature of any bathroom, the bath. After pricing and evaluating virtually every other tub on the market the two men had realised that no other appealed to them as much as the one they first chose and so they gave in to their initial desires and bought it. Neither man had ever regretted the decision.

"What's that?" John Paul asked nodding to the icebucket that Craig placed on the floor beside the bath, it's contents covered with a plan white tea towel.

"A treat," Craig said as he quickly stripped of his clothes.

"Why?"

"Because…"

"Because?"

"Because we deserve it!"

Fully naked Craig moved to crouch beside the bath, his mouth pressing hotly but gently against John Paul's, his tongue brushing over the man's soft lips before venturing deeper inside to relish the flavour of his boyfriend.

John Paul's cheeks were flushed when Craig pulled back, but not from the heat of the bath, and he devoured the sight of his naked boyfriend as Craig moved to uncover the bottle of champagne and pop the cork.

Licking his lips slowly John Paul's eyes travelled over every inch of Craig's bare flesh. Watching the ripple of the man's muscles as he prised the cork from the bottle, the sway of his cock as it hung down between his firm thighs and the bright seductive sparkle of his chocolate eyes as they connected with the vivid blue of John Paul's.

"You trying to get me drunk?" John Paul asked as Craig handed him a filled champagne flute before filling a second one for himself.

"Of course… then I plan to have my wicked way with you!" Craig chuckled, sipping at his drink and climbing into the bath to face his lover.

"You don't need to get me drunk for that!"

"Well if you don't want it…"

Taking a large gulp of the sparkling drink John Paul grinned widely. "Now I never said that…"

Lying back in the heat of the bath the two men sipped at their chilled champagne, their legs were entwined beneath the water and their eyes were fixed on each other.

"So what did you say would happen if I turned the Jacuzzi jets on?" John Paul asked with a wicked grin.

"You'd probably flood the bathroom with foam," Craig replied.

"Probably or definitely?"

"Well judging by the amount of bubbles we've already got in here I'd say there was a good chance…"

"Shall we find out?" Carefully dropping his empty champagne glass to the floor John Paul stretched out his hand to the switch that activated the Jacuzzi.

"John Paul!" Craig exclaimed through his giggles as the bubbles in the bath began to multiply rapidly, the water jets swirling the water around the men's naked bodies. "Turn it off!"

Within seconds the foam was beginning to creep up to the edge of the tub and spill over onto the floor.

"I can't reach," John Paul said in a sorrowful voice, which was in total contrast to the jovial sparkle in his sapphire eyes.

"The switch is right by your hand!" Craig said, his laughter increasing as the volume of the bubbles continued to expand.

"But I still can't reach… you'll have to do it!"

"John Paul stop it!" Craig could hardly speak for laughter as he flicked a handful of bubbles at his lover.

"I want you to!"

Draining the last of his champagne Craig lowered his glass to the floor before slowly crawling up the bath towards John Paul, stopping only when he was finally towering over the blonde, his hands on the edge of the tub and his knees straddling one of John Paul's thighs.

"Look at the mess," Craig chastised as he turned off the jets.

"I can't see any mess," John Paul replied, the laughter his voice suddenly gone as he slid a soapy hand around Craig's neck and pulled the man down towards him. "I can't see anything but you," he breathed as he arched his back and claimed Craig's mouth in a deep kiss.

Craig couldn't hold back a groan of desire as John Paul's tongue ran over his lips before slipping gently into his mouth. Lowering his body Craig ground his leg softly against John Paul's groin, the stirring of the younger man's cock evident as John Paul raised himself up to increase the pressure.

John Paul's hands trailed over Craig's back, the man's body lost under a sea of fragrant bubbles as John Paul's fingers caressed his naked flesh.

Craig broke the kiss with a loud gasp as John Paul's soapy palm slipped around the length of his cock, rapidly changing it from semi-erect to fully aroused with a few firm but gentle strokes. Craig's eyes widened with desire as he stared lovingly into the blue pools of John Paul's gaze, the men completely lost in the sight and touch of each other.

Falling back slightly unsteadily Craig gripped the edge of the bath as he sat back on his heels, John Paul's hand slipping up and down his erection with a practised teasing touch, his grip a little to light but still wonderfully, painfully, arousing.

"Move back," John Paul said pressing his free hand against Craig's firm, bubble coated chest until Craig had returned to his original position in the bath, John Paul following behind until he was the one towering over his lover, his hand never ceasing to stimulate Craig's hard cock.

"I knew this bath was a good choice," John Paul breathed quietly as he shifted forward slightly to straddle Craig's legs with his own. Before Craig could respond John Paul's mouth demanded another kiss, the heat of his passion stealing the air from Craig's lungs leaving the man giddy with the strength of their combined passion.

John Paul trailed his kisses over Craig's stubble coated cheek and nuzzled against the man's firm chin, the scratch of the stubble tantalising John Paul's senses as he licked along Craig's jaw before letting out a small giggle.

"You taste soapy!" John Paul laughed.

"Somebody made too many bubbles," Craig replied, every inch of his body trembling with the desire growing from John Paul's touch.

"You should punish them!"

"How would I do that?"

John Paul grinned, his eyes alive and sparkling with a wicked lust as he leaned forward to whisper into Craig's ear.

"You should give them a good hard fucking… really make them want it…"

"Jesus John Paul!"

"How much do you want to fuck me right now?"

"I think you can tell how much," Craig said breathlessly, bucking his hips to illustrate his point, John Paul tightening the grip on his lover's cock for a moment, making Craig groan deeply and then again with disappointment as the grip was released.

"I'm not sure I can," John Paul replied, shuffling forward a little more until his chest was pressed up close against Craig's and his cock was trapped between their bellies. "I think you need to show me!"

Reaching behind him John Paul reclaimed the firmness of Craig's cock, raising himself up until he was hovered above it, teasing its tip with the brush of his thumb as he watched the desire and longing shimmering in Craig's eyes.

"Show me," John Paul breathed, his mouth brushing against Craig's, the heat of his words tingling over Craig's lips. "Show me how much you want me…"

"John Paul…" Craig's voice shook as he gripped the edge of the bathtub, his knuckles white with tension, and he arched his back, desperate for his cock to make contact with the entrance to John Paul's gorgeous body.

"I don't think you mean it," John Paul teased, raising himself up just a fraction so that Craig's goal was out of reach. "Do you really want me Craig?"

"You know I fucking do…"

"Are you sure?"

"John Paul please…"

"Please what?"

"You are a fucking tease!" Craig laughed as he let go of the bathtub and ran his hands over John Paul's firm thighs, up his sides and over his chest, the movement of his hands hidden beneath the bubbles.

"You love it!"

"You know what I love more?" Craig said, his arms wrapped around John Paul's torso and using all his strength to pull the man downwards. "I love being inside you," he breathed into John Paul's mouth. "I love fucking you and hearing you moan… I love coming deep inside you…"

John Paul's breaths came in ragged gasps as the lust in Craig's voice and words drove him to distraction, wiping out all desire to tease Craig any longer. Giving in to the pressure of Craig's hold John Paul let himself be eased downwards, pausing as the head of Craig's cock brushed against his hot, tight, hungry hole.

There was something magical about that first moment of penetration as his body first resisted and then welcomed the invasion of the thickness of Craig's solid cock. Holding his breath John Paul pushed himself downwards, breathing out slowly as the pressure of Craig's cock pushed its way inside him, gently forcing through the resistance to stretch and fill him, moving inch by inch, the men's movement so slow that it was hardly noticeable.

John Paul rested his hands on Craig's shoulders for support as he lowered himself completely until he was seated on his lover's lap and Craig's cock was fully inside him. The intensity of Craig filling him to completion made John Paul tremble, his heart racing and his body aching as he fell once more into the chocolate depths of Craig's eyes.

"There's something else I love," Craig panted, his hands gripping onto John Paul's hips.

"Yeah?" John Paul asked as he lifted his body up slowly, the feeling of Craig's cock gradually leaving his hole making him groan with pleasure.

"Yeah." Craig replied, raising himself up to urge John Paul downwards, relishing the tight hot grip of the man's arse.

"Tell me…" With his body adjusted to the length and girth of the hard member inside him John Paul began to rise and fall, riding his lover hard enough to cause the bath water to slosh and swirl around them, spilling over the edge of the tub and splashing unnoticed over the floor.

"I love kissing you," Craig said, his mouth crashing against John Paul's with hunger. "I love looking at you," he continued when they finally broke breathless from the kiss. "I love feeling you wrapped around me… riding me… and I love… I love…"

"Tell me," John Paul panted, groaning as the upward thrust of Craig's hips drove his cock deep inside, tantalising his body delightfully, deliciously and uncontrollably.

"I… love…" Craig could feel the pressure of his orgasm building inside him, he wanted to come with his cock buried inside his lover, claiming him and marking him, but he wanted to know that John Paul had reached perfect satisfaction first. "I love the look in your eyes when you come… I want to see that look John Paul…"

"Oh fuck Craig…" John Paul's body trembled as Craig's cock slammed hard and fast inside him, his own cock bouncing in the water and rubbing against Craig's taught chest, throbbing hard with desperate need for release.

"Come for me John Paul…" Craig groaned, wrapping his hand tightly around John Paul's hard arching erection and wanking him fast.

"Fuck… yes…" John Paul gasped, his hands gripping tightly onto Craig's shoulders, their eyes locked together blazing with passion. "Harder… harder… oh fuck I'm gonna…"

"Yes John Paul… come… now… I… I love…"

"Tell me…"

"I love you John Paul McQueen," Craig cried as the need of his cock finally overtook him, his cock throbbing and pulsing inside his blue-eyed lover, firing load after load of desire into him.

"Oh fuck Craig I love you too…" John Paul yelled, his cock almost exploding its fiery passion, raining down over the baths bubbles as he came in a seemingly endless orgasm.

* * *

"We should really clean up the bathroom," John Paul said lazily some time later.

The two sated lovers had been lying naked on their bed, finishing off the champagne as they talked and laughed together.

Kai's warm furry body lay pressed against Craig's legs, the vibrations of his purrs rumbling through his body as his earlier annoyance at been barred entry to the bathroom was forgotten.

Craig's hand stroked gently over John Paul's smooth chest. "Later," he replied as he moved closer to the blonde man and closed his eyes. "It's not going anywhere!"

"I guess not," John Paul agreed, wrapping his arms around Craig's bare torso and pulling him close, his lips brushing against the top of the man's head.

As a peaceful contentment filled the room the men began to drift into a light sleep, the emotions of the day draining them but the love they shared feeding their souls completely.

The ringing of the telephone in the hallway caused Craig to jump in John Paul's arms making Kai hiss at the unexpected movement.

"Leave it…" John Paul suggested, holding Craig tighter.

"We'd better not," Craig replied, reluctantly pulling himself upright from the bed and padding naked out of the room.

Moments later John Paul heard Craig's footsteps thundering on the stairs and a pile of clothing hit him in the face without warning.

"What the?" John Paul asked in shock.

"Get dressed!" Craig said, his legs already half into his jeans.

"What's happened?"

"Get dressed quick!" Craig repeated.

"Craig what?"

"It's Debbie!" Craig said, his face alive with excitement as he struggled into his clothing, his actions hindered by his need for haste. "She's gone into labour! I'm gonna be an uncle!"


	3. Chapter 3

Craig's nose wrinkled with distaste, his lips pursed together as he opened the pedal bin with one foot and dropped the offending item into it.

"How can such a little person make such an awful smell?" Craig asked the small bundle that wriggled and gurgled on the brightly coloured changing table.

Craig couldn't help but smile at his new nephew, despite the fact that he had just spent the previous few minutes changing possibly the worlds most foul smelling nappy, at least in Craig's limited experience.

No matter how many times he looked at the baby Craig still couldn't get over what a miracle the child was, and had already spent hours staring at the child's tiny fingers and toes, amazed beyond belief at his perfect little nails. When the baby held onto Craig's finger he marvelled at the strength of the baby's grip and when he looked into the child's soft brown eyes that were almost the colour of melted chocolate Craig couldn't help but dream of the wonderful future his nephew would have.

Joshua Dean could be anything he wanted and he would always know he was loved, Craig was certain of that, Craig would make certain of that.

"You don't care that poor Uncle Craig has to clean up your mess do you?" Craig asked the wriggling baby as he secured the adhesive strips on the fresh nappy before lifting the child high into the air. The first time Craig had raised Joshua above his head after changing his nappy Craig had quickly learned that the adhesive strips hadn't been closed properly as the nappy fell to the floor and the baby took the opportunity to give his Uncle a good soaking. It wasn't a mistake Craig had made twice.

Lowering Joshua down to eye level Craig was gripped with a now familiar sensation of awe. The emotions the new baby provoked were beyond Craig's powers to explain but he knew that he would fight the world barehanded to protect that small vulnerable person.

Suddenly sensing a presence Craig turned towards the bathroom door with a shy smile.

"How long have you been standing there?" Craig asked as he cradled Joshua in his arms, rocking slightly as the baby began to grumble.

"Long enough," John Paul replied with a smile, his eyes sparkling as he took in the sight of the small child nestled safely in his lover's strong arms. There was no sight quite so beautiful.

John Paul was ashamed to admit that, for a few days at least, he had fought feelings of jealousy as Craig's whole attention had been focussed on his nephew, and no matter how much John Paul knew that the baby was something Craig needed at that time, and that the baby need him, he still felt some resentment every time he awoke to find his boyfriend missing from the bed. Thankfully those feelings had faded and, although he still missed having his lover to himself sometimes, John Paul had found contentment growing in their new family unit.

"What's that?" Craig asked, nodding to the large envelope in John Paul's hands.

"Doesn't matter," John Paul replied as he walked into the bathroom and ran one finger gently over Joshua's cheek. There was no mistaking that child was a Dean, at only a few weeks old he already had the captivating power of two deep dark eyes, reminiscent of both his uncle and his mother.

"John Paul!" Craig insisted. "What is it?"

"It's nothing… just…"

"Just what?"

John Paul shrugged, his eyes holding a hint of disappointment. "It's just the holiday tickets…"

"Oh… I'd forgotten all about…"

"It doesn't matter… not like we can go now."

"But you were really looking forward to it…"

"And so were you," John Paul smiled down affectionately at Joshua as he slipped an arm around Craig's shoulder. "But some things are more important… hopefully we can get the money back on the insurance…"

"Are we doing the right thing?" Craig asked with a worried frown watching the baby in his arms being to fuss, the first hint of a cry falling from his lips.

"It's what Debbie wanted," John Paul replied.

"But is it RIGHT?"

"She asked you for a reason Craig… she knew you'd take care of him… love him… she knew we would."

"I don't want to let her down… her or Joshua…"

"And you won't…"

"What if mum's right?"

"She isn't, you know she isn't."

Looking into the eyes of his nephew Craig could see echoes of his older sister, her beauty and strength already evident in the young baby and a single hot tear ran freely down his face. It should be Debbie's arms that Joshua was lying in not Craig's.

"Can I ask you a favour?" Debbie had said to her youngest brother not so very long ago.

"Course you can…"

"You don't know what it is yet."

"I'll do anything I can," Craig had promised. "You know that."

"If anything ever happens to me…"

"Debbie don't!"

"Please Craig… if anything ever happens I need to know the baby will be looked after… I'm going to make a will tomorrow and I need to name who I want as guardian… but only if you agree… will you do it?"

"Are you sure about this Debs?" Craig had asked. "Are you sure you want me?"

"I couldn't think of anyone better."

"Then I'd be honoured, really."

Craig sighed sadly. It had seemed such an easy request at the time because nothing was going to happen, it was just a safe-guard, something to reassure Debbie that her child would be cared for by the people she believed would do that best.

'Complications', it was such a simple word but the only one of all the things that the doctor had said that Craig could remember. Complications had taken his sister and meant that a tiny newborn baby was completely reliant on him, much to his mother's distaste.

"I'd better get a bottle made up," Craig said with a sigh, pulling himself from his thoughts at Joshua's first piercing cry. "Somebody sounds like he's getting hungry."

"He's not the only one," John Paul laughed, "I saw Kai looking in his bowl a few minutes ago!"

"Do you think Kai is all right with the baby?" Craig asked heading downstairs.

"Of course, why wouldn't he be? Maybe a bit jealous…" John Paul laughed at the similarity between his feelings and those of the apricot Siamese.

"Well you know what they say about cats stealing baby's breath…"

"Craig that's just an old wives tale… and it's not like we leave Kai alone with Joshua… stop worrying!"

"I can't help it… I just don't want to do anything wrong."

"Look Craig you're going to make mistakes…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Craig asked a little defensively.

"It's natural. Nobody knows how to cope with every situation; all parents mess up from time to time… But Joshua will be safe and happy and loved… and that's what Debbie knew you could do without even trying… the rest of the stuff we'll learn together yeah?"

"Yeah," Craig smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his boyfriend's lips. "Is that what we are then?" Craig asked thoughtfully, "What you said… parents?"

"I guess we're the only ones Joshua will ever know…"

"No, he'll know his mummy… he'll know everything about her… I'll make sure of that!"

"Here give him to me," John Paul said, holding out his hands for the crying, wriggling baby, "While you go and get his bottle ready…"

* * *

Joshua Dean lay sleeping peacefully in his crib; he was clean, fed, warm and happy. In repose his features resembled a resting angel as his long dark eyelashes, which would one day no doubt rival his uncle's, fanned over his cherubic cheeks and his chest rose and fell in contented slumber.

The crib had been carried downstairs from the spare room, which was slowly becoming the nursery, so that Craig could watch over his sleeping nephew. He knew that he had to leave the child alone sometimes, he knew that constantly watching over the boy would do neither of them any good, but occasionally he simply needed the reassurance that Joshua was safe and well.

While the baby slept an air of calm settled over the house. Craig and John Paul sat together on the sofa, their hands casually entwined and their heads resting together as they watched a Saturday afternoon film that neither could name.

Kai, taking full advantage of the situation, was curled up on Craig's lap, his feline body vibrating with contented purrs as Craig's free hand lazily stroked over his back. He disliked the lack of attention he had received ever since the small noisy creature had moved into the house and, even when he had tried to peer into the crib to see what all the fuss was about, Kai had been quickly shooed away, making him even less fond of the child than he had been. Craig was his and should be at his beck and call, not pandering to the small pink thing, stretching out his paws Kai extended his claws and casually sank them into Craig's thighs, making the man yelp in pain. It didn't hurt to show him who was boss occasionally.

"Should I put the kettle on?" John Paul asked in the quiet voice they had taken to using while Joshua slept.

"I don't know," Craig replied with a yawn. He had always been aware that new babies meant some level of sleep deprivation but he had never realised just how exhausting it could be.

"D'you not want a cup of tea?"

"Yeah but…"

"But?"

"But it would mean you moving and I'm too comfy…" As if to emphasise his point Craig snuggled up closer to his lover, his head resting comfortably on John Paul's shoulder and his deep chocolate eyes slowly drooping closed.

"In a bit then," John Paul replied with a soft kiss to the top of Craig's head as he ran his fingers gently through the man's silken hair.

The air of peace began to lull both men into a gentle doze with Kai's rhythmic purring creating the perfect backdrop to their slumber.

The sudden ringing of the doorbell caused them to sit upright startled as Kai leapt to the floor and Joshua began to stir in his crib. A few seconds later the bell rang again, persistent and repetitive.

"Frankie!"

"Mum!"

The two men spoke in unison as Craig got to his feet and rolled his eyes comically, his gaze flickering subconsciously to the crib before he left the room to greet his mother.

Frankie Osborne's acceptance of her youngest sons relationship with another man had been slow and begrudging and, despite how obviously happy Craig was, she still held out some hope that it was merely a passing phase and if he could only meet the "right woman" everything would be back to normal again. Craig's constant insistence that he had, in fact, met the right MAN fell on deaf ears; even the news of Craig's engagement to John Paul failed to penetrate her blinding conviction.

It wasn't that Frankie had any great dislike for the blonde man in her son's life, although he had no great liking for him either, she was simply unable to grasp the concept that her son truly loved another man. Not her son.

"Frankie, you're looking well," John Paul said with a forced smile as the bleached blonde woman entered the room. As always Frankie's appearance was pristine, her short hair was carefully styled and her makeup was immaculate. Her clothing, although a simple skirt and jumper combination, was worn with elegance and her high heeled black shoes shone brightly.

"John Paul," Frankie nodded, choosing not to acknowledge his compliment as she walked over to Joshua's crib.

"Leave him mum, he's settled," Craig said as Frankie reached in and scooped up her grandson despite her son's objections.

"He wants to say 'hello' to his grandma," Frankie said as she smiled at the baby who grumbled in her arms. "Don't you little man…"

Sitting down on the single armchair Frankie rocked her grandson gently in her arms, love and sorrow shimmering in her eyes as she looked at the baby who was so painfully reminiscent of her eldest daughter at that age.

"Are you feeding him properly… he feels underweight," Frankie said, not taking her eyes from the child.

"He's doing fine," Craig replied, "He was checked the other day and is the weight he's supposed to be…"

"And you're changing him when he needs it?"

"Mum, I know what I'm doing," Craig sighed.

"Oh of course I forgot," Frankie replied sarcastically, "How many children have you raised now…"

"Frankie we're coping fine," John Paul said in what he hoped was a soothing tone.

Frankie's head snapped up at the man's voice. "Coping?" she said. "My grandson needs better care than just coping…"

"And he's getting it Frankie…"

"From you two?"

"Yes… from us two…"

Frankie snorted derisively. "What can two men know about raising a child?"

"As much as a man and a woman know when they start out… Joshua is being well cared for… I promise you."

"He should be with his family," Frankie said, looking sadly at her grandson.

Craig sighed. From the moment Debbie's wishes had been made clear to Frankie he had known that his mother would object. And object she did, at every possible opportunity.

"Craig is his family," John Paul said kindly. "And so am I… or at least I will be when we get married…"

"Two men… it's not right," Frankie said, shaking her head with distaste. John Paul wasn't sure if she were referring to the marriage or the guardianship of Joshua.

"Why are you here mum?" Craig asked with a heavy sigh.

"To see my grandson if that's all right with you," Frankie replied tartly.

"Of course it is… but mum I don't… I don't want any fighting around Joshua… he shouldn't have to grow up seeing that…"

"And what is he going to grow up seeing?" Frankie sniped.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Craig asked, the calm he had been trying to hold onto rapidly slipping away.

"You know what it means," Frankie replied.

"Craig, leave it," John Paul cautioned, gripping his boyfriend's arm firmly as he saw the anger in Craig's eyes begin to spark. "Frankie I know you don't much like me," John Paul said calmly as he turned to the blonde woman, "And I know you don't like Craig being with me… but he is… and we're going to raise Joshua the best way we can so that he grows up knowing that he's loved…"

"And you really think the two of you is what's best for my grandson?"

"Debbie did…"

Frankie winced at her daughter's name, the pain of loss only partially soothed by the comforting weight of her grandson in her arms. "If she'd known…" Frankie paused, turning her head away so that neither man could see her wiping the tears from her eyes. "How can you think this is best for Joshua? I know you mean well John Paul but just think about it… how hard is it going to be for him? Being raised by two men… having two gay dads… you can't be naive enough to think that won't cause problems."

"We're not stupid Frankie," John Paul replied with a sad smile. "It wont be easy, we know that… but we're just going to have to face each obstacle as it comes along… what more can we do? What more can anyone ever do?"

"What do you know about being a father," Frankie asked coolly, "Either of you… how can you know what's best for Joshua? It's hardly like you've got any great role models to aspire to… I don't want my grandson to have to deal with you walking out on him… he's already lost his mother…"

"Mum that's out of order," Craig said between gritted teeth.

"You know what you're right Frankie," John Paul said, interrupting Craig before the man could say something he would regret. "My father was a waster, a layabout and a good for nothing… And quite frankly I was better off without him in my life… but if he taught me one thing it was that I never want to be like him… I will do everything I can to make sure that child is looked after properly… and you know that Craig will too… Johnno might not have been the best father in the world either, but Jack has more than made up for his failings and I think Craig has learned a lot about how to be a good father from that man… we both have. We are going to raise Joshua, it's what Debbie wanted and it's what we want… and if you try to fight it Frankie you will lose and nobody wants that… We are going to do our best and that's all we can do… but it would be a lot easier if we had you on our side. Joshua needs his grandmother and Craig needs his mum… don't do anything that might push them away Frankie."

"I just want what's best for my grandson," Frankie said quietly, fresh tears in her blue-green eyes as she looked down at the baby in her arms, her heart fit to burst with how much she loved him.

"And so do we," John Paul said quietly, moving to kneel before the woman and resting a hand gently against hers. "So let's do this together yeah?"

"When did you get to be so smart John Paul McQueen?" Frankie asked with a small, teary laugh.

"He always was," Craig said with a hint of pride as he bent down and wrapped his arms around John Paul's shoulder, brushing a brief kiss across his neck.

Frankie looked away from the show of affection that still made her feel uncomfortable but, as she gazed at her grandson, his rich brown eyes flickering open to observe her in return, Frankie felt a little less afraid for his future. She knew that her son would do all he could to protect the child, and maybe John Paul would to.

Besides, if ever they couldn't cope, she would always be there to step in and take charge; to take the child that would be better off with her, and rightly so.

* * *

"No… no I don't care if… well it's not my problem that… No you took my booking so you should… I don't care how sorry you are I want it sorting out… and what do you suggest I do? I've got less than four days and now you suddenly… yeah thanks… thanks for nothing!" Craig slammed down the phone with an angry snarl.

"Problem?" John Paul asked, somewhat redundantly.

"Caterers!" Craig spat. "They double booked for Sunday…"

"Well that's not our problem," John Paul replied in an echo of Craig's earlier sentiments.

"Apparently it is," Craig told him, his hand unconsciously rising to his neck and beginning to rub furiously at the skin, making it glow red. "There's nothing they can do to help and they're very sorry… oh and of course they'll refund the deposit…"

"But… but the baptism is on Sunday… we can't change things at this short notice…"

"Yeah I am well aware of that fact!"

"So what are we meant to do?"

"I have got no idea," Craig said with a deep sigh. "God why didn't I just book a function room like I was going to and let someone else have the nightmare of organising this thing…"

"Sorry," John Paul said, a sheepish smile on his lips.

"What?"

"Well it was me that said it would be nicer to have everyone back here after the church… if we'd gone with your plan…" John Paul shrugged slightly and lowered his gaze to the floor.

Craig's hand fell to his side as he stopped and looked at John Paul. It felt like so much time had passed since he'd had the time to really look at he man he loved. The past few weeks had flown by in a haze of plans and nappies and so little sleep. The days and weeks blurring into each other until Craig could hardly even register how long Joshua had been living with them, how long his sister had been gone.

After trying to cope with everything, and being pushed almost to breaking point, Craig had conceded that getting some help with the care of Joshua was greatly needed and, although he knew that Frankie would jump at the chance, after discussing the matter with John Paul they had opted for contacting a nanny agency.

"I'm not blaming you," Craig said softly as he reached out and took hold of John Paul's hand, the touch encouraging the man to lift his gaze, their eyes locking together with the same passion that it always had. "It is better to have things here… at home, our home… I'm just so tired with everything…"

John Paul smiled; taking a step forward he placed his hands on Craig's shoulders. "I know," he said gently. "And we'll sort something out… another caterer… or we'll get people to help out… it'll be OK." John Paul placed a soft feather light kiss on Craig's lips. "I promise."

As if on cue a piercing wail cut through the stillness, a screeching demand for attention that would not be denied.

The two men looked at each other and laughed, their expressions a precise mirror image of each other. Joshua had already perfected the skill of crying for attention at the most inconvenient moments, almost as if he knew when his guardians would appreciate some time alone the most, but despite that, despite the sleepless nights, the expense and the total upheaval of their lives neither man regretted taking on the care of the child. Joshua was a part of their lives now and they both loved him as if he were their own.

"I'll see to him," a strong female voice said from the doorway, a slight indeterminate accent beneath her words that neither of her employers had been able to place, although she had share the information that he father was of Polish descent. Strangely the woman who was now employed to care for Joshua during the day had never once mentioned her mother and would change the subject were it ever broached.

"Thanks Lamia," Craig replied, "But isn't it time for you to be going?"

Lamia Eliezer stood in the doorway of the living room, her dark blue overcoat already on. "That's okay Mr Dean," she replied with a small smile. "I'll settle him before I go…"

"You're an angel…"

"Just doing my job." Without another word Lamia turned and headed upstairs to the newly decorated nursery where Joshua was still crying loudly from his cot.

"How exactly were we coping before her?" Craig asked with a broad smile.

"I'm not sure we were," John Paul replied with a laugh.

"Thank god she agreed to stay on… I couldn't believe it when she said she was quitting the agency… I couldn't go through the hassle of finding someone new… and Joshua seems happy with her…"

"At least that's one thing we don't have to worry about," John Paul said. "Now we just need to get this baptism sorted!"

Craig sighed before sticking out his bottom lip in a comical pout that made John Paul giggle.

"I don't suppose Lamia can do this for us too?" Craig asked hopefully.

"Afraid not," John Paul told him. "I think this sort of thing might go beyond the duties of a nanny… oh listen!"

Both men paused, their heads turned towards the open doorway as silence enveloped the house, Lamia Eliezer had once again worked her magic.

* * *

"Now then," Lamia said in a gentle soothing voice as she lifted Joshua from his cot, rocking him slowly as she held him close against her chest. "What's all this fuss about? You know we don't like little children who cry too much…"

Lamia Eliezer had worked as a nanny for most of her working life, although it was often difficult to determine how long that had been, her appearance making her look anything from her mid thirties to late forties, and she had no inclination to clarify her true age.

Approaching six foot tall she was above average for a woman and could sometimes appear intimidating although her humble attire could also allow her to blend, unnoticed, into the background.

Lamia's working 'uniform' consisted of a simple black shift dress, reminiscent of a nurses uniform in style, teamed with thick grey tights and flat black shoes, giving her the timeless look of a nanny who could have stepped from the pages of any classic children's novel. Her dull copper red hair was always worn up in a severe bun and her thick framed black glasses accented the paleness of her white skin.

"Oh what's this?" Lamia asked, fishing her mobile from the pocket of her dress as it vibrated silently. "Look Joshua another text…" Lamia smiled as she accessed the message and read it quickly.

Slipping her telephone back into her pocket Lamia lowered Joshua into his cot, pulling the small covers over his body. "Are you going to be a good boy now Joshua? You remember what Lamia told you about the monsters who come and eat naughty children? And my mummy told me that so you know it's true… Nobody likes bad children and if you keep on crying the men downstairs won't love you anymore… then who's going to look after you?"

Turning out the lights in the nursery until just the small comforting nightlight was left glowing Lamia paused in the doorway to look back affectionately at the small boy who was already drifting back to sleep. "Don't worry Joshua," she said quietly. "Lamia will always love you… and when you get older you can call me mummy if you want… I think you'd like that wouldn't you Joshua… of course you would."

* * *

"Craig… you should take the day off," John Paul said with concern as he looked at his fiancé. The chocolate eyed man looked exhausted, dark rings beginning to show beneath his eyes and a two day stubble coating his cheeks.

"I'm fine," Craig insisted as he emptied his third coffee of the morning.

"No you're not," John Paul insisted. "You're shattered… Look it's Friday… they're not going to mind if you don't go in… get some sleep and then you can finish off the arrangements for Sunday."

Craig yawned and rubbed his hands over his face. "We took Lamia on so that we could both keep working…"

"One day wont hurt Craig," John Paul said, taking Craig's coffee cup from his hands and pulling the man to his feet until they were stood together in the centre of the kitchen. "Go back to bed and get some sleep… I know you got up to Joshua umpteen times last night…"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you…"

"We're in this together Craig, you SHOULD wake me!"

"No point both of us being tired for work though…"

"Exactly! So get back to bed…"

"I'll take a nap on the sofa," Craig compromised, "Maybe go in a bit later…"

"Well that's something," John Paul said with a smile. "I'd better get going…" Slipping his arms around Craig's waist John Paul pulled the man close and pressed his mouth hotly against his lover's lips. Craig moaned softly as John Paul's tongue brushed against his own, the two men standing in a frozen moment, savouring each other and declaring their love in a million different ways without having to say a word.

Leading Craig into the living room John Paul watched as the man lay down on the sofa, his eyes closing the instant he settled and John Paul knew that his boyfriend would be asleep within seconds.

John Paul's attention was pulled from his sleeping Adonis by the ring of the doorbell and he raced to answer it before the sound could rouse Craig from his slumber.

"Hi Lamia," John Paul said as he opened the door.

"Mr McQueen." Lamia greeted formally, her two employers had quickly given up trying to get the woman to address them by their Christian names.

"I'm just off but Craig's staying home this morning…"

"Is Mr Dean unwell?"

"No just tired, Joshua was restless last night… so if you could try and not disturb him we'd appreciate it."

"Of course Mr McQueen, have a good day."

"See you later Lamia."

The telephone in Lamia's pocket vibrated as she hung up her overcoat, a rarely seen smile illuminating the woman's face as she read the text message and quickly keyed in a reply as she made her way upstairs to the nursery.

"Good morning Joshua," Lamia said, turning off the baby intercom and lifting the child from his cot. "Mr McQueen tells me you were a bad boy last night…"

* * *

Craig was unsure how long he had slept, the stiffness in his neck suggesting at least an hour or two, but he awoke with a start, not certain of what had disturbed his slumber until it came again.

A sharp piercing scream filled the house making Craig's blood run cold with fear as he leapt to his feet.

"Mr Dean… Mr Dean…" Lamia screamed as she ran down the stairs and charged into the room. "Mr Dean quickly…"

"What is it Lamia… what is it?" Craig felt as if his heart had stopped. He could only imagine one thing that would make the nanny scream in such a way, her normally cool expressionless eyes filled with anguish.

"It's Joshua," Lamia said with tears in her eyes. "Oh Mr Dean… it's Joshua…"


	4. Chapter 4

As John Paul's car rounded the corner into his street his breath caught in his throat, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as he flinched involuntarily, making the car swerve and narrowly miss hitting another vehicle that was parked by the curb.

In the driveway of the home John Paul shared with Craig and the child he had begun to think of as "theirs" John Paul could see a police car. The sight was terrifying and brought back images of his last encounter with the police, the day he had nearly lost Craig forever.

John Paul had barely applied the breaks and killed the engine before he jumped from the car and raced into the house, neither knowing nor caring if his vehicle was properly parked or locked.

"Craig!" John Paul shouted as he raced into the living room, his heart racing with panic until he spotted the dark haired man seated on the sofa, the small figure of the apricot Siamese held tightly against his chest.

The initial relief at seeing Craig safe and well was lost the moment the man turned his dark eyes to his boyfriend.

Craig's deep chocolate pools were haunted in a way John Paul had never seen before, not even when Debbie had been lost to them. Craig's face was damp with recently shed tears, which began to flow again at the sight of John Paul, his whole body shaking as he tightened his hold on Kai, making the cat squirm uncomfortably.

"Craig… Craig what's happened?" John Paul asked, almost afraid to hear the answer, as he sat beside his lover and took the man's hands in his own, much to the relief of Kai who quickly leapt to the floor and shot into the kitchen to inspect the contents of his bowl. "Craig what…" A sudden thought came to John Paul and as much as he didn't want to voice it he couldn't think of anything else that would make Craig look so distraught. "Is it Joshua? What's happened?"

"I tried to call you," Craig said in a small monotone voice, "Where were you?"

"I… I was out at a meeting… I turned my mobile off… oh god Craig I'm so sorry I forgot to turn it back on… If I'd known… I'm so sorry… Please Craig… tell me what's happened…"

"I needed you here…"

"Mr McQueen?"

John Paul turned towards the sound of his name, noticing, for the first time, the fair-haired police officer standing in the corner of the room.

"You are John Paul McQueen?" The officer asked, stepping forward as he read the man's name from his notebook.

"Yes, yes I am… what's happened, please tell me what's going on…"

The officer smiled sympathetically. On the whole he loved his job, seeing justice put into action gave him a great sense of satisfaction, but seeing the victims of crime, the pain etched on the faces of the people who would often never fully recover always tugged at his heart and being the bearer of bad news was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. Quite frankly he would rather have to face down a hardened criminal.

"I'm afraid that your… nephew?" The officer paused for a second at the uncertainty over his choice of word but the blonde man seemed not to notice so he continued. "I'm sorry to tell you that Joshua was taken from the house some time this afternoon…"

"Taken? Taken where?" John Paul asked, not comprehending the words.

"We don't know Mr McQueen…"

"You mean he's been… what… kidnapped?" The idea seemed ridiculous; they weren't a wealthy family, why would anyone take Joshua?

"Abducted, yes," The officer replied, his eyes filled with sympathy.

"But why… how… Craig was here… and Lamia… where's Lamia?"

"She's in the kitchen, she's obviously very shaken."

"But I… I don't understand… Lamia was looking after Joshua… how could anyone…"

"I'm sorry Mr McQueen," Lamia's voice was soft and low as she stood in the doorway. Her dark eyes seemed magnified behind the thickness of her glasses, making the unshed tears shimmer brightly and her normally pale skin was almost ashen as she let her gaze fall to the floor. "I just thought I was helping…"

"What do you mean? What happened?" John Paul asked, surprised at how small the tall woman suddenly looked, and how afraid.

"You've both been so busy lately, and Mr Dean was so tired… I checked on him and he was fast asleep… and so was Joshua so I thought… I just wanted to help…"

"Lamia what?"

"Joshua was so peaceful so I didn't think it would hurt if I nipped out for a few minutes… I was only gone a short time I promise… but you needed some groceries and… and I was only trying to help… When I got back I went right upstairs to check on him and… and… I was sure I closed the door when I went out… I was sure I did…"

Lamia burst into a flood of fresh tears, a small dark haired female police officer slipping a comforting arm around the nanny's shoulders. "I just wanted to help…" Lamia repeated between sobs as the officer led her back into the kitchen.

"Mr McQueen," the male officer said, pulling John Paul's attention back to him. "Can you think of anyone you know who would wish to take the child? Anyone with access to your home? Anyone with a grudge?"

"Simon!" Craig said suddenly, his eyes wide with shocked realisation.

"What?" John Paul said with a shake of his head.

"It's obvious," Craig insisted. "Come on John Paul… who else would? You know what he was like before…"

"And Simon is?" the officer asked.

"John Paul's ex…" Craig replied with a sense of renewed hope. It was Simon that had taken the child, Joshua would soon be recovered and then the nutter could finally be locked up for good. "He's obsessed with us… well with John Paul… Find him… he lives in Manchester… he did not long ago… I'm telling you it was Simon!"

"Craig… it wasn't Simon," John Paul said quietly.

"He tried to kill me… you think he couldn't do this?"

"It couldn't have been…"

"Mr McQueen do you have reason to believe this man couldn't have abducted the child?"

John Paul's eyes flicked between the officer and his boyfriend nervously as he took a deep breath.

"Yeah," John Paul replied, his eyes falling to his feet as he spoke. "Simon couldn't have taken Joshua this afternoon… he was with me."

"No," Craig said in a quite whisper, his hands pulling back from John Paul's touch in horror. "No… no he couldn't have been…"

"I'm sorry Craig…"

"It's not true… you wouldn't…"

"I was just…"

"What?" Craig's fear and hurt exploded in a blaze of anger, pure rage shining from his eyes as he got to his feet, leaning over the blonde man who looked back at him with guilt and apology on his face. "What John Paul? What the hell reason would you have to see that man again?"

"I… I've been trying to help him," John Paul said quietly. He had always known that Craig would discover Simon's presence in London eventually and that John Paul was still in touch with him, but he had wanted it to happen in his own time, not like this.

"Oh that's all right then," Craig spat bitterly. "My nephew is abducted and where are you? Screwing around with the man who tried to kill me…"

"Craig no, it's… it's not like that… we're not… I'm not…"

"I don't give a fuck what you're doing," Craig shouted. "I don't care if you're fucking him or nurse-maiding him… that bastard tried to kill me and you've been helping him out…"

"Craig stop it… listen to me," John Paul said calmly, getting to his feet and gripping Craig's shoulders firmly as he looked into his lovers furious eyes.

"My nephew is gone," Craig snarled. "Joshua could be dead right now…"

"Don't say that…"

"He could be dead and you were with Simon… there is nothing you can say that will make that all right…"

"Craig please…"

"Get the fuck away from me…" Craig growled, shrugging John Paul's hands from his shoulders.

"Craig…"

"I said go," Craig screamed, his anger boiling over as his fist collided with John Paul's face, blood pouring from the blonde man's mouth as he staggered back from the blow.

The police officer jumped forward, his original instincts not to get involved in a "domestic" being overruled at the sight of violence.

"Calm down," the officer said to Craig, holding one hand out towards the man as he watched Craig's chest rise and fall with angry breaths. "This isn't going to get your nephew back."

"Then tell him to leave," Craig panted between gritted teeth.

"Mr McQueen?" the officer turned to John Paul, the man wiping the blood from his face with the back of his hand.

"This is my home… I'm not going anywhere…"

"Please Mr McQueen… I think your partner just needs time to calm down…"

Craig's fists were clenched at his sides, his face a picture of pure rage, but John Paul could see more, in the depths of Craig's chocolate brown eyes John Paul could see such pain, pain he was unable to reach or heal no matter how much he wanted to.

"I'll be upstairs," John Paul said quietly. "I'm sorry Craig…"

* * *

Walking slowly upstairs John Paul passed by the master bedroom and instead headed for the nursery. It looked like it had that morning when he had said goodbye to Joshua.

The walls were a shade of pale blue with a bright shining rainbow painted above the white cot. A mobile of soft animals hung from the headboard of the cot, design to both entertain and soothe the baby to sleep. The small soft coverings of the bed were pushed back emphasising the absence of the child who should have been lying there sleeping.

Kneeling before the cot John Paul turned the switch that set the mobile in motion, a gentle nursery tune started to play as the stuffed animals swayed in their rotation. Resting his head against the cool railings of the cot John Paul wept, his body shaking with grief, fear and distress. The thought that someone had deliberately come into their home and taken the sleeping child both sickened and terrified him and he wanted nothing more than to hold onto Craig, to both give and receive the comfort that could only be gained from each other. For now that option was lost to him, but only for now, John Paul would make certain of that, somehow.

* * *

"Is it all right if I go home?" Lamia asked in a small voice, her eyes downcast and her hands curled around an empty coffee mug. "I don't think there's anything else I can do here…"

The female police officer smiled kindly at the obviously distraught nanny. "I think we've got everything we need from you for now but we might be in touch again if we need to clarify the details."

"Is that likely?" Lamia asked in a concerned tone as her brow furrowed.

The officer squeezed Lamia's shoulder gently; she had seen so many witnesses look at her with that same worry, as if their word was being doubted. "It's just routine," she reassured the woman. "Sometimes we need to follow up on witness statements but don't worry… we will contact you if necessary."

With a smile and a nod Lamia got to her feet. "The gentlemen have my number and address," Lamia said gesturing into the living area. "I just hope they call soon to tell me Joshua is back home."

"We will do our best to achieve that."

"I know."

Taking her jacket from the back of the kitchen chair Lamia slipped it over her arms, bending down to pet Kai as she moved to exit the kitchen.

The cat hissed and walked away stealthily, his tail swishing from side to side as Kai looked back over his shoulder coolly.

"He's never taken to me," Lamia said with an embarrassed smile.

"Cats can be funny like that," the officer sympathised.

* * *

"Can I come in?" Craig asked as he stood in the doorway of the master bedroom. It had been over an hour since the police had finally gone, leaving Craig alone to worry, brood and finally realise that the thing he needed more than anything was the comfort of his boyfriend. His initial rage at discovering John Paul had been seeing Simon had faded, the loss of Joshua far overshadowing anything and everything else.

John Paul lifted his head from where he lay on the king sized bed, an angry purple bruise already showing around his mouth. "Are you sure you want to?"

"I shouldn't have hit you… I'm sorry…"

Walking slowly into the bedroom Craig perched uncertainly on the edge of the bed, his hands gripped onto the mattress as he looked down at his feet.

"I should have told you about Simon," John Paul replied, swinging his legs around until he was sat beside his lover.

"Why didn't you?"

"I don't know… I… I didn't want to argue… I just thought I could help him move on without it affecting us. Stupid I know…"

"Why would you even want to? After what he did… I don't understand…"

"I… I guess I still feel guilty over what I did… if I'd handled things right at the start then maybe all the rest of it could have been avoided… I just… I wanted to help him get back to a normal life…"

"How… how have you been helping him?" Craig turned his face to John Paul, their eyes meeting in a share grief.

"He was having trouble getting a job… I helped him get an interview… and this afternoon we were going through what questions he could be asked… that's why I know he couldn't have…"

"Oh John Paul where is he?" Craig asked, his voice breaking as fresh tears poured over his cheeks and he fell into the open arms of his fiancé. "Where's our little boy?"

"I don't know…" John Paul replied, holding the dark haired man close, his chin resting on Craig's head as they rocked together. "I really don't know… I wish I did…"

"I want him home… please John Paul bring him home…"

John Paul closed his eyes tightly as his tears began to flow. He wanted so desperately to fulfil Craig's request but how could he when he had no idea where the baby could be.

* * *

Hanging her coat up on the hook situated in her cramped dark hallway Lamia let out a small sigh. The day had been more stressful than she could ever have imagined and she was relieved to be home.

Lamia had grown fond of her two employers since she first set foot in their home, even if she did still feel somewhat uncertain about their personal relationship, and a part of her couldn't help but agree with Frankie Osborne's views of Joshua's guardianship. Regardless of those feelings however, Lamia did not enjoy the suffering she saw in the two men at the loss of their young nephew, it was just a shame they had to suffer so much. Then again maybe it was what they deserved, her mother had always said that only those who truly deserved it were punished. Lamia could still hear her mother's voice as she pushed her into the midnight dark closet, "If you weren't such a bad little girl Lamia I wouldn't have to punish you so much… you know you only get punished when you deserve it… You know no one likes little girls who cry for no reason."

The four year old girl had huddle up in the dark, her tears running silently down her face, too afraid to cry out loud, the pain from her face where her mother had slapped her cancelling out the grazing on her knees that had originally sent her running to her mother for care.

As a very small girl Lamia Eliezer had learned that being silent meant she was a good girl, by the time she reached the age of six the little copper haired girl had almost forgotten how to cry but that didn't stop her mother from leaving. Abandoning her in the empty house to be found a few weeks later by a neighbour when she had been spotted peering from a window. Lamia was half starved, dirty and scared but still she had been too afraid to cry out for help. Only naughty children cry.

Pushing open the door to her bedroom Lamia smiled. The room was sparsely decorated, simple pale pink walls and velvet pink curtains with plain white furniture and a single bed that was covered with a flowery patterned throw. But it was none of those things that Lamia saw when she entered the room; her entire attention was focussed on the small cot placed beside her bed and the baby boy who was beginning to stir within it.

"It's OK Joshua," Lamia said in a gentle voice as she leant over the cot. "Mummy is home now… everything is OK… I wont leave you again."

Joshua stretched and grumbled in his cot as the mild sedatives that Lamia had mixed in with his early afternoon milk finally began to wear off. She hadn't wanted to drug the child but there had been no other way. Not only did she need to be certain he would be still and quiet as she took him from the Dean/McQueen house in the large shopping bag, but she needed to know he would remain quiet while she left him in her flat alone to return to his guardian's home and raise the alarm, thus removing her from suspicion.

Lifting the baby from his cot Lamia cradled him in her arms as she sat on the bed. His deep chocolate eyes fluttered open and he seemed to observe her with curiosity.

"Hello sleepy head," Lamia said in a soft loving voice, rocking the baby back and forth in her arms. "Did you miss mummy? She didn't want to leave you but she had to… we didn't want people knowing you were here did we… they would have taken you away and I know you don't want that… you want to be with mummy… just you and me Joshua… we'll be together from now on… no one is ever going to come between us… and you'll be a good boy wont you? A good quiet boy for mummy…"

Joshua's small hands reached out to Lamia, his fingers catching on her thick black glasses and pulling them down to the tip of her nose, making the woman laugh and kiss the baby's head affectionately.

Lamia had craved a child of her own almost as soon as she could understand what that meant, her desire for an idealised family life making her rush into a marriage with the first man she ever slept with. Lamia's dreams were shattered only two years later when the doctor gave her the devastating news that she would never be able to carry her own child to term. Later that same day Lamia had packed her clothes and left the man she never actually loved, neither telling him of her plans nor ever letting him know where she had gone or why. If she was unable to have a child then she had no use for a husband.

Twelve months later Lamia Eliezer had completed her childcare training and registered with her first nanny agency, being allowed to care for other people's children both comforting and torturous. Each little girl and boy was a reminder of the child she could never have and yet she loved them all, the longing to be 'mummy' rather than just 'nanny' growing deeper with each new baby until it was all she could think of. But it wasn't something she ever believed she would act on… until she did.

* * *

John Paul sighed, his head resting in his hands. The cup of coffee beside him had long since grown cold, untouched and unnoticed.

For four days Joshua had been missing and for four days his two guardians had suffered and waited and prayed but nothing had returned the boy they had grown to love unconditionally.

Each night the men had retired to their beds to sleep fitfully, if at all, true rest eluding them while the small cot in the nursery lay empty.

Twenty-four hours after Joshua's abduction the police had arrived with news that had chilled the men to their core. Lamia Eliezer was missing, her flat empty and her mobile telephone number now disconnected; the conclusion was as clear as it was sickening.

The woman entrusted with the baby's care was, more than likely, the very person responsible for taking him. The police had questioned many of the other families she had worked for, coming back with the same report time and time again, she was hardworking, conscientious and she cared for the children as if they were her own.

When Craig and John Paul first hired the nanny such a reference would have been a comfort, a glowing recommendation. 'As if they were her own.' Now those words held a different meaning. The woman who had cared for so many children as if they were her own had finally taken one for her own. But why him? Why Joshua?

That night John Paul had awoken from a restless sleep to find himself alone in the bed, Craig's side was cold and empty, the man having vacated it some time earlier.

Padding silently from the room John Paul had known where to find his boyfriend but the sight still tore at his heart. Craig was shivering from the cold as he sat naked on the floor beside Joshua's cot, his head resting on the side railing as silent tears coated his face, making it glisten in the moonlight. He was almost a beautiful image, his perfectly masculine form bare and vulnerable beside the empty cot but the pain etched across his face stole away all promise of beauty and replaced it with anguish.

"Craig… come back to bed…"

"Where is he?"

"They'll find him…"

"What if they don't?"

"They will…"

"Do you promise?"

"I promise…"

Pulling Craig to his feet and holding the shivering man close in his arms John Paul had silently prayed that his promise would not be broken. The thought was too terrifying to contemplate, the idea of never seeing Joshua again, never watching him grow or hear his first words or dress his grazed knees made John Paul shudder with fear.

"I promise," he had said again, whispering his words into Craig's hair. It had to be true, Joshua had to be found, any alternative could not be entertained.

"John Paul?" The sound of his name pulled John Paul from his thoughts, the canteen had been empty when he had entered it over an hour earlier and he had been completely oblivious to any of the other staff who had passed through.

John Paul hadn't wanted to go into work that morning but Craig had insisted, there was nothing either of them could do at home and he believed that trying to cling onto some form of normality was important, although Craig had been unable to leave the house; he needed to be there when Joshua came home.

"Simon," John Paul said as he lifted his gaze from the chipped blue laminate tabletop to meet the grey eyes of his ex-lover.

Simon was smartly dressed in a freshly pressed dark grey suit with a crisp white shirt and black tie, his shoes shone with a high polish and he slid onto the chair facing John Paul with an air of confidence.

"Oh today's your interview…" John Paul said with a half smile as his brain finally accessed the information as to why his ex would suddenly be in his place of work.

"Yeah… half an hour…"

"Nervous?"

"A bit… OK a lot…"

"You'll be fine," John Paul said in a reassuring tone, reaching for his coffee and discovering it had grown cold and a murky looking skin was now coating its surface.

"I hope so… John Paul is everything all right? I must have said your name a dozen times before you seemed to notice." Simon reached a hand across the table, his fingers stopping short of making contact with John Paul but the gesture not missed by either of them.

"Yeah I'm…" John Paul shrugged, not sure what to say or if he should say anything. Part of him was so desperate for a sympathetic ear, he had been trying to be strong for Craig and John Paul needed some support too but was Simon, his ex, the man who had tried to kill Craig, really the person to offer it?

"You can tell me," Simon offered, his voice low and gentle, a reassuring and comforting tone that was familiar and transported John Paul back many years, back to when John Paul believed Simon was the man he could spend his life with. "Really… whatever it is… I am a good listener remember?"

"Yeah I remember," John Paul said with a fond laugh.

* * *

Frankie Osborne had barely spoken a word since arriving at her youngest son's home the day after her grandson had been abducted but her eyes had said it all. Their cold accusations cut into Craig every time he looked at his mother, at a time when he craved for her comfort and support he felt more removed from her than he had ever done in his life.

Walking into the living room Frankie handed Craig a coffee, casting a disapproving glance at Kai, before taking a seat facing her son as she sipped slowly at her own drink, mother and son continued their silent vigil, neither wanting to be away from the telephone for too long, just in case… it was always just in case.

Uncertain what had caused such a strange atmosphere in his home Kai nudged at Craig's leg with his head, an action that would normally result in the man scooping the Siamese onto his lap but again, as he had been for the past few days, Craig was all but oblivious to the feline's presence.

Kai mewed a quiet complaint before stalking away into the kitchen. He had thought that the small pink thing's arrival had caused enough changes in the house, but his departure had proved to be much worse. Although the absence of the strange woman who had constantly cooed over the pink thing struck Kai as a good thing, there had been an unusual coolness about the woman that had made the felines hackles rise.

Craig sighed softly, Frankie's stony silence had been impenetrable and Craig's few attempts at conversation had been stilted and one sided until he fell back into silence.

And then it came. The words Craig had been anticipating, waiting for and dreading. Frankie was nothing if not predictable.

"This wouldn't have happened if he'd been living with me."

"It's not like I wanted this to happen," Craig said quietly, his gaze fixed on the surface of his drink.

"I was just saying," Frankie replied, a bitter sniping quality to her voice, "Joshua would have been safe with me… I wouldn't have needed outside help to look after him…"

"I could never have known this would happen mum…"

"But if he'd been living with me like he should be…"

"Well he wasn't… Joshua lives here with me and John Paul… just like Debbie wanted it…"

"We'll see."

"What?"

"Do you really think I'm going to leave my grandson in your care after this?" Frankie snapped.

"I don't think that's your call…"

"It will be when I contest custody… who's going to leave a baby in your care now? I knew I should have done something sooner…"

"You can't do that mum…" Craig's soft brown eyes shimmered with tears and his hands shook so violently that hot coffee spilt over the side of his cup, burning his hands, but Craig barely noticed.

"Watch me," Frankie said getting to her feet and leaning over Craig with a cold stare, making him feel like a foolish, careless child. "If we ever get Joshua back I will do everything I can to make sure he's safe…"

"He's safe with me…"

"You let that woman take him!"

"I didn't 'let' her… there was no way I could have known… she was a registered nanny, she worked for an agency… had references…"

"You let some crazy woman into your home and walk away with my grandson…"

"It wasn't my fault…" Putting his drink on the floor Craig rose to his feet to look his mother squarely in the eye. "You cannot blame me for this… I did everything I could to take care of Joshua… me and John Paul did and we will again when he comes home…"

"You lost my grandson!" Without warning the palm of Frankie's hand collided with Craig's cheek, the sound of the slap reverberating through the room. Frankie shook with rage, her whole body trembling both at the loss of her grandson and the fact that she had just struck her son.

"It's not my fault," Craig said quietly, tears spilling from his eyes as he raised his hand to his stinging cheek. "Mum please… it's not my fault…"

"Where is he Craig?" Frankie asked in a broken voice, suddenly grabbing her son so tightly that he could barely breathe. "Oh god Craig where is he?"

* * *

"I'm so sorry John Paul," Simon said kindly when the blonde had finally finished talking. "I didn't even know you were taking care of a baby and now for this to happen… I can't imagine what you must be going through… if there's anything I can do to help…"

"I don't think anyone can help right now… it's just a case of waiting… praying… hoping…" John Paul sighed, his heart as heavy as his downcast eyes. "If the police don't find him… if they can't track her down…"

"It's best not to think like that," Simon advised.

"I can't help it… It's killing me seeing Craig falling apart like this… blaming himself…"

"It's hardly his fault…"

"I keep telling him that… but Craig was the one who picked the agency that woman worked for so now he blames himself…"

"There was no way he could have known… hell if the agency didn't know…"

"Exactly… thanks Simon."

"Anytime." Simon smiled before looking at his watch, his expression changing to a nervous grimace. "Sorry John Paul it's time I was…"

"Yeah, yeah course… you get off… and good luck…"

"I'll need it…"

"You'll be fine…"

"And so will that baby…" Squeezing his ex's hand Simon got to his feet, the hard canteen chair scraping noisily against the cold tiled floor as it was pushed back.

"I hope you're right," John Paul said with another sigh.

"Lamia obviously has a few screws loose, but she cares for the baby… I'm sure she'll look after him… if you need someone to talk to you know where I am."

"Thanks Simon… good luck with the interview…"

John Paul felt slightly unburdened as Simon left the canteen, it had felt good to talk to someone removed from the situation and get an objective opinion. Just to be talking to someone who wasn't wracked with grief and sharing the pain of loss.

Mulling over Simon's words John Paul allowed himself a little hope, Simon was right, whatever she might be Lamia did care for Joshua, at least he would be being well looked after.

"Hang on… Simon…" John Paul said, his head snapping to the direction in which his ex had just departed, sure that he had never mentioned Lamia's name.

* * *

"Joshua be quiet!" Lamia said in a stern voice leaning over the baby's small cot, a scowl on her face as she looked at the child. Joshua had been fussing for days, almost from the moment she brought him home, and he had barely stopped crying for the past three hours. "You know all this noise makes mummy cross… you don't want to be such a bad boy do you Joshua? You don't want me to have to punish you…"

Reaching out his small chubby arms Joshua took a deep breath before letting out a piercing wail that seemed to rip through Lamia's ears making her grind her teeth in frustration.

"Joshua that is enough!" Lamia said angrily, reaching into the cot and covering the baby's nose and mouth with one hand, silencing the child instantly as he struggled against the weight of her hand, fighting for breath.

The nanny held her hand firmly in place for a few seconds until Joshua's struggles eased, lifting her fingers to finally allow the child to breathe.

"You know I don't like doing that," Lamia said, her voice suddenly soft and caring, "But you have to be a good boy… Mummies only love good quiet children…"

Scooping the baby into her arms Lamia smiled as his large brown eyes blinked at her, two deep chocolate pools with long soft lashes, just like his uncle. Lamia shook her head at the memory of her one time employer, dislodging the images of the distress in his eyes at the loss of his nephew. He didn't deserve to have the baby; Lamia knew that, Steve had told her all about that Craig Dean and his immoral lover. Joshua was better where he was, with his new mummy, where he could be safe and loved. Not with those two men, Lamia had to protect Joshua from them; Steve had told her all about them and that was when she had known she had to save the baby.

* * *

The sun had been high in the sky that afternoon as Lamia had placed Joshua in his pushchair and headed out towards the local park. Despite being too young to run and play with the other children Lamia still knew that the baby enjoyed his outings with his nanny, watching the older children play and laugh as they sat together under the gently warming rays of the sun. A sense of peace had fallen over Lamia that afternoon, the likes of which she hadn't known in a long time and she smiled as she rocked the pushchair gently, listening to Joshua coo and gurgle happily and the sunlight filtering through the leaves of the trees behind them cast a dappled effect over his smiling face.

"Cute baby."

The man had seemed to appear from nowhere, almost as if he had been standing and waiting for Lamia, and he took a seat beside her on the bench with a warm friendly smile.

"Thank you," Lamia replied proudly.

"Yours?"

Lamia's smile faltered for a moment as a hint of sadness and regret passed over her face. "No," she said with a melancholy smile. "No I'm just his nanny…"

"Oh, no just about it," the man replied with a wide friendly grin that made Lamia smile back. "It's obvious he adores you, I'm surprised his mother's not jealous."

"The poor little mite," Lamia said as she reached over and stroked Joshua's hair affectionately. "His mother died when he was only a few hours old…"

"So just you and his father then?"

"No his uncle actually…"

"And just the two of you?"

"His uncle and…"

"And?"

Lamia frowned for a moment, unsure why she was suddenly telling the stranger so much, but there was something about him, something in his eyes, deep and penetrating, that made her feel comfortable with him.

"His uncle and his uncle's partner… another man!"

"Oh!" the stranger said with a knowing nod and a strange look of sympathy on his face.

"Do you think that's wrong?" Lamia asked, biting her lip uncertainly. She hadn't known what to expect when she first took the job with the two men, they seemed nice enough but she couldn't help overhearing Frankie Dean's objections and it did make her wonder.

"Well," the man said, looking around before lowering his voice in a conspiratorial tone. "I know it's very un-pc of me… but well… it's not right is it? I mean it's just not how it's meant to be… what's that poor kid gonna grow up thinking is normal? Is it… the baby… is it a boy?"

"Well yeah… yeah Joshua…"

"Nice name… poor Joshua… growing up seeing two men behaving like that… he doesn't stand a chance really does he?" The man smiled sadly and reached out to squeeze Lamia's hand. "It's a pity you're not his mother… a real pity… Joshua would be much better off with you…"

"You think?"

"Without question."

They both looked at the child in silence for a few moments before the man stood up. "Anyway it was lovely to meet you… I'm S…Steve by the way…"

"Lamia."

"Lovely to meet you Lamia… maybe I'll see you here again… I come for a walk in this park most days…"

"I'd like that," Lamia replied with a bright smile.

Lamia had watched as the man walked away, his words tumbling through her mind as she reached out to hold Joshua's hand gently, worry etched across her face.

Simon grinned to himself as he left the park. It was going to be far easier than he had even dared hope. That woman was so obviously desperate for affection, and that look in her eyes when she admitted the baby wasn't hers, the longing screamed out from her very soul.

"Oh dear sweet Lamia," Simon laughed to himself, "Those nasty men shouldn't be left in charge of a baby… we're going to have to do something about that aren't we? I'm sure together we'll think of something to save poor little Joshua…"

Lamia had accidentally bumped into 'Steve' twice more before their meetings became planned, and each time he convinced her that little bit more that Joshua wasn't safe where he was, and that she was the mother the baby truly deserved.

Cruellest of all Simon had sealed their plans with a gentle kiss, filled with promise and fake desire, convincing the woman that she not only had the right to claim the boy as her own but that the man she knew as Steve was falling in love with her, just as she had began to fall for him. Finally Lamia was going to get her family, the one she had longed for all her life.

* * *

"Answer your bloody phone damn you!" John Paul snarled into his mobile. If was the fifth time he had tried to contact Simon but each time, after only a few rings, his call had been diverted to voicemail. "Simon call me… as soon as you can… please… it's important." John Paul couldn't shake the feeling that his ex was avoiding him, deliberately ignoring his calls, despite the logic that the man could still be in his interview or simply have forgotten to turn his phone back on after. But whatever the reason John Paul needed to talk to him. He needed answers.

Having gone through their conversation countless times in his head John Paul still had the worrying certainty that he had never once used Lamia's name but rather had referred to the woman as 'the nanny'. Of course he accepted the possibility that he was wrong, that stress and worry was clouding his judgement, but the idea that somehow Simon had been involved in Joshua's abduction would not leave him and he couldn't settle until he knew the truth.

Turning his mobile over in his hands John Paul once again considered a call to the police, but what evidence did he have? He didn't want to risk having an innocent man accused of child abduction, and more importantly he didn't want to see Craig's hopes raised only for them to be cruelly dashed once more, he was suffering enough. He would wait until he had spoken to Simon, confronted him directly, then he would know for sure one way or the other.

Getting out of the car John Paul walked slowly to his front door. Arriving home from work used to be a moment of great joy, but lately there was no joy to be found, how could there be any peace or happiness in a household that was missing a child?

Dropping his keys into the bowl on the hall table John Paul pushed open the door to the living room, three faces turning to greet him as he stepped inside.

John Paul smiled at his fiancé; the man's eyes were still filled with a sadly haunted look that John Paul knew would be there for as long as Joshua was missing. Kai was lying curled up on Craig's lap, the man's hand gently resting on his back, seeking comfort from his warm presence. The cat's bright eyes looked at John Paul with disinterest for a moment before slowly drifting closed again.

Frankie looked at John Paul coldly, their relationship had thawed somewhat over the past months, and she had not even voiced any grave objections at their plans to marry, but all that had changed the moment Joshua was taken. The walls of ice had returned, higher than ever as Frankie sought someone to blame and as usual John Paul was there to bear the brunt of it.

"How you feeling?" John Paul asked softly as he sat beside his lover, his hand covering Craig's and holding it tightly.

Craig just sighed and leaned his head to rest against John Paul's shoulder, what use were words when nothing had changed?

"Craig… what's that?" John Paul asked in concern as he noticed a red patch on Craig's face, it looked almost as if he had been struck, and John Paul touched the mark tenderly.

Craig's face turned towards his mother for a moment, the woman's cheek flushing lightly before Craig looked back at John Paul. "It's nothing," he said with a small smile, "Don't worry about it."

Taking a deep breath John Paul summoned up all of his strength to remain calm. There was no doubting who had struck the man he loved and every inch of John Paul wanted to wring the woman's neck until she apologised, but at the same time the look in Craig's eyes told him to let it go. There had been enough heartache in the family and no one needed more.

Slipping an arm around Craig's shoulders John Paul pulled the man close, both of them relishing he feeling of security that they could only ever find in each other, but John Paul could not help but cast an angry look towards Frankie and he gained some small satisfaction when the woman looked away with embarrassment.

"Why is there no news yet John Paul?" Craig asked sadly, his face half buried in the warm familiar scent of his boyfriend's chest. "It's been so long… how can nobody know where he is? I can't stand this waiting… every knock at the door… every time the phone rings… someone must know something!"

"I know," John Paul whispered soothingly, hoping with every fibre of his being that he wasn't the someone who knew something and yet dreading the fact that he might well be that very person. "There will be…"

"But when?" Craig asked with frustration, pushing Kai to the floor as he got to his feet and began to pace the room, his hands clawing viscously at his own scalp angrily. "How long are we suppose to wait? Why aren't they out there finding him."

"Craig they are…" John Paul insisted, rising to his feet and pulling his lover close against him, wrapping his arms tightly around the trembling man. "They are… and they will find him…"

"And what if they don't?" Craig said, his voice dropping to barely a whisper as he voiced the fears of his heart. "What if they never find him? It happens John Paul… we might not want to face it, but it happens… what if we never see Joshua again?"

Shrugging off John Paul's arms Craig walked over to the antique mahogany sideboard, his fingers running over the highly polished surface until they came to rest on a pile of estate agent's property details, the collection of Henley houses taunting the man with promises that he could feel slipping away. Was it really only a few weeks ago that the men had begun to discuss the idea of moving, relocating to a bigger house, somewhere that Joshua could grow up safe and happy? It felt like it was a different life belonging to different people.

"We will," John Paul said calmly, his hand gripping tightly onto Craig's. "We'll see him soon and then we'll go and see those houses… and… and everything will be how it should be…"

"But you can't know that…" Craig laughed sadly. "No one knows where our boy is…"

John Paul swallowed hard. What if someone did know? What if he could end Craig's heartache then and there?

"Craig… I…."

John Paul's words stopped abruptly at the sound of a knock at the door, the two men staring at each other for an instant, a vague glimmer of hope flashing through the molten chocolate of Craig's eyes.

"I'll get it," Craig said, his feet already having carried him half way to the door before anyone could reply.

With trembling hands Craig turned the latch of the front door, his heart pounding heavily with a desperate need for hope, that hope being instantly taken from him the second the door swung open.

"Wow Craig… you look dreadful!"

The woman smiled as she stepped into the house without being asked, her shining ebony hair had been cut into a neat bob that framed her features perfectly, her dark eyes sparkled brightly and a genuine smile danced over her soft pink lips. She was as beautiful as the day Craig met her, the day he married her, and yet her presence in his home was the last thing Craig wanted at that moment.

"Salome what are you doing here?" Craig asked as his ex wife ran her fingers through her hair, pausing for a moment as if startled by it's shorter length, it was obviously a recent cut.

"Craig," Salome cooed gently, "Anyone would think you're not happy to see me…"

"Should I be?"

"Ah so cruel…"

"Sal really… this isn't a good time…"

"In here are we?" Salome asked as she pushed open the door to the living room and stepped inside. Both Frankie and John Paul looked at the woman in surprise as she entered, neither having been able to anticipate she would be the visitor at the door.

"Everyone's so serious," Salome said with a bright smile. "Jeeze who died?"

"My sister," Craig breathed coolly behind his ex wife, causing the woman to turn and face him, her face suddenly pale with shock and embarrassment.

"Tell me you're kidding…"

"Do I look like someone who's kidding?"

"Shit Craig… I'm sorry… honestly I had no idea… if I did I would never have…"

Salome turned around in the centre of the room, painfully aware of everybody's eyes focussed on her.

"Oh Frankie," Salome said, crouching down beside the woman's chair. Despite her marred relationship with Craig Salome had always liked her mother in law and she was sorry to see the loss now obvious in the older woman's eyes. "I am so sorry… I… I don't know what to say… If anything happened to my…" Salome's hand went instinctively to a locket around her throat and the image of her son that she kept inside. "I can't imagine what you're going through…"

"I'll put the kettle on," John Paul sighed; he had a feeling the woman wasn't going to be leaving any time soon.

* * *

Salome sipped at her tea; her eyes glistening with unshed tears as she heard of the misfortunes that had befallen the Dean family. She may have grown to dislike, even despise, her ex husband but she was not a completely heartless woman and she still felt for their grief, the loss of Debbie was bad enough but then for her child to be taken in such a way, it was incomprehensible.

"I just wish somebody knew something, anything… no matter how small it might be, sometimes that's all it takes isn't it?" Frankie said with a desolate sigh.

John Paul shuffled uncomfortably in his seat, once again torn between the desire to say something and yet not wanting to raise false hopes.

Salome looked at the blonde man for a moment. She didn't like him, there was no way she ever could, in truth she saw John Paul as one of the reasons her marriage failed, it was doomed from the start if her husband was in love with another man, with that man. John Paul seemed unable to meet her eye and Salome got the feeling he was hiding something but she wasn't sure what. Maybe it was none of her business; she had her own life now and didn't belong in Craig's any more.

"Look I should go… I really am sorry for intruding like this… if I'd known…" Salome got to her feet with an apologetic smile.

"Why did you come here?" Craig asked, realising that she had never explained her sudden appearance at the door.

"It doesn't matter… it was silly… thoughtless… just forget it."

"No really Sal… I'd like to know… after all this time why just turn up?"

Salome's cheeks flushed pinkly. Something that had amused her now seemed cruel and heartless.

"I… I was in the area," she said with a shrug, "Fitting for my wedding dress…"

"And you thought you fancied a quick chat? Bit unlikely isn't it...?" Craig pushed.

"I…" Salome shook her head and took a deep breath. "I got the decree absolute through the other day and I thought… well I thought since I was nearby…" Reaching into her handbag Salome pulled out a card and handed it to her ex husband. "I just thought it was funny… I'm sorry… if I'd known…"

Opening the card Craig let out a laugh. "Congratulations on your Divorce," he read, the front of the card depicting a wedding cake smashed into pieces, with the small plastic groom lying on his side, decapitated.

"Like I said… I'm sorry…" Salome repeated, slowly retreating to the door.

"No you were right," Craig replied, holding up the card. "It's funny… a joke… just like our marriage… maybe we'll both get it right next time eh?"

"Both?"

"Yeah… me and John Paul we're gonna…" Turning to face his lover Craig realised that the plans for their wedding hadn't so much as crossed his mind since Joshua's abduction but now, thinking of it, he couldn't help but allow himself a small smile, whatever else happened he still had the man he loved at his side. "We gonna make it official…"

"That's…" Salome looked back and forth between the two men, her lips pursed in repulsion, "Yeah… well… I should go…"

"I'll see you out," John Paul said stepping forward, eager to see the woman out of his home. There was something about her so distasteful but also something in her eyes that seemed to suggest she could see something the grief-coated eyes of Craig and Frankie could not.

Opening the front door wide John Paul stepped back.

"Goodbye Salome," he said coldly.

"You know something don't you?" Salome said as she passed him by. "About the baby…"

"Don't be ridiculous," John Paul snorted, his eyes darting away from the woman's penetrating stare.

"You do… and you haven't told them…"

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Course you don't… but remember John Paul… he won't forgive you if he finds out… whatever you're hiding I hope it's worth it."

John Paul closed the door on the woman's words but he could still hear them ringing inside his head.

"Oh god," he said under his breath. "God please let me be wrong."


	5. Chapter 5

John Paul's fingers drummed nervously on the chipped Formica tabletop, his fingernails picking at the cracks and his head snapping up every time the café door opened.

He felt sick to his stomach, the desire to vomit increasing as the knot inside him seemed to grow second upon second.

He didn't know what was making him feel worse, that he suspected Simon, that Simon might actually be guilty or that he looked into the haunted brown eyes of the man he loved and could offer no hope of comfort, but rather he lied and made a lame excuse to get out of the house.

It would be worth it though, John Paul told himself over and over, once he knew for certain that Simon had nothing to do with Joshua's abduction, then he could put that thought to rest and give Craig the support he needed while they waited for news of Lamia's whereabouts.

And if Simon were guilty?

John Paul shook his head slowly, could somebody he once cared for really be that evil? Was it possible that the man he once shared his life would be capable of such an act of cruelty, that Simon could hate him, hate him and Craig, that much?

"So where's the fire?"

Simon's words startled John Paul from his thoughts and the blonde man jumped in surprise, knocking his lukewarm tea all over the table. Grabbing a handful of paper napkins from the dispenser in the centre of the table John Paul began to mop up the spill, he felt flustered and uncertain, how was he even supposed to approach the matter? He didn't want to offend an innocent man, but more than that he did not want to anger a guilty one.

"Jeeze John Paul you're jumpy," Simon said with a kind smile as he grabbed a few napkins and wiped away the spilt tea that John Paul had missed.

Simon looked so, so ordinary and so normal. His suit was neatly ironed, his hair perfectly styled, there was nothing about his appearance to suggest the man was anything other than he appeared. John Paul sighed inwardly, how many times on the news had the neighbours of serial killers and child abductors been interviewed, all of them invariably saying the same thing 'he seemed so nice'. However Simon might currently look John Paul would never be able to forget that this was the man who had tried, and very nearly succeeded, in killing Craig, if he were capable of that who knew what else he could do in a twisted need for revenge.

"I didn't hear you come in," John Paul replied, he could feel his face flush and he felt vulnerable and exposed under his ex-lover's steady gaze.

"You're cute when you're flustered," Simon said with a laugh. "You always were."

"Don't," John Paul replied uncomfortably.

"Don't what?" Simon asked as he noisily pulled out a chair from beside the table and sat down facing the man he still adored, still craved and longed for, his hand reaching out to touch John Paul's.

"You know what," John Paul answered, pulling back from Simon's touch. "Don't do that… don't act like we're… like we're still like that…"

"Lighten up John Paul," Simon said with a scowl. "I was just being friendly."

"Just don't… please…"

"Fine!" Simon snapped. "Look you called ME… you had to see me so bloody urgently… so why don't you tell me what you want so that I can go as my presence is obviously so distasteful to you."

John Paul flinched slightly. Underneath Simon's groomed exterior and his ability to prove that he was recovered it was still there, flashing in his eyes angrily, the insanity of the man was still there and John Paul's fears grew until he could hardly breathe.

"Well?" Simon demanded. "Are you going to tell me what you needed to see me about?"

"The other day," John Paul began quietly, his fingers fidgeting on the tabletop as he worried about where the conversation might lead. "The other day when I was telling you about Joshua… and the nanny taking him…"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"I… you…" John Paul swallowed, pausing to take a deep breath, Simon's cold grey eyes seemed to be staring unblinking at him and he felt unnerved, consumed with a desire to turn and run, but he couldn't. He had to ask; he had to know. "You… you said her name… the nanny's name…"

"So?"

"I never told you it…"

"Then I can't have said it can I?"

"Simon you did… I remember…"

"OK so I said her name," Simon sighed, "So what? You obviously mentioned it when you were telling me about her."

"But I didn't, I know I didn't… I can barely stand to think of her name let alone say it…"

"I'm not sure what you're getting at John Paul… if you've got something to say then for fucks sake just say it."

"Simon," John Paul chewed his lip in discomfort, the closer he got to asking the more certain he was of the answer and the more that certainty terrified him. "If I didn't tell you her name then how would you know it? Unless… unless you know her…"

"And why would I?" Simon asked coolly, his gaze unwavering and his words calm and measured. "Why on earth would I know your nanny?"

"So give me another explanation Simon please… tell me you don't know her… tell me you weren't…" John Paul hesitated, his attention falling to the chipped Formica tabletop.

"Oh that's it," Simon said with a half laugh. "So that's what you're thinking… well come on John Paul… at least be a man about it… if you're going to accuse me of something at least have the balls to say the words…"

John Paul swallowed heavily, the café seemed unbearably hot and Simon's gaze painfully piercing but John Paul knew he had to ask, he had to say the words and then he would have to face the fallout.

"Just tell me," John Paul said in a voice only just louder than a whisper. "Do you know her Simon… do you know Lamia Eliezer?"

"That's not what you're really asking me though is it John Paul? That's not what you're thinking… so? Come on… too late to back out now… say it… ask me…"

Lifting his eyes to meet Simon's cold stare John Paul felt more certain of the answer than he had done at any moment since he first began to suspect his ex's involvement. "Were you… were you involved in Joshua's abduction?" John Paul stammered.

"And there it is," Simon laughed, the sound bitter and derisive. "So this is what it's come to? This is what living with that Dean has done to you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know me John Paul… you loved me… but now you think I could do that? I could take a child?"

"I didn't think you could kill but you almost did…"

"That's not the same thing… I wasn't well… you know that," leaning forward Simon lowered his voice to a whisper. "You drove me to that…"

"You haven't answered me," John Paul said, clasping his shaking hands before him on the table.

"Because the question sickens me…"

"Just answer it… put an end to it Simon, please… if you ever felt anything for me…"

"If I ever felt anything?" Simon snapped. "That's rich! You were the one who lied John Paul…you were the one who cheated and fucked that bastard behind my back before crawling into my bed… OUR bed…you were the one who made a mockery of everything…"

"And I am sorry… I am so sorry… but I love Craig, I always loved Craig and you know that… and he loves me… whatever you think you can achieve by all of this it's wrong… Please Simon, end it now before it's too late."

"It's already too late," Simon replied, a cruel smile crawling across his lips. "When you chose him over me it was too late… when you stabbed me in the back with your filthy lies it was too late… it's not in my hands to stop things anymore… but you can… tell me John Paul… exactly how much do you love Craig? Enough to do anything to get his nephew back?"

"Of course…"

"Whatever it takes?"

"What do you want Simon?"

"It's easy really…" Putting his hands on the surface of the table Simon leaned close to whisper in John Paul's ear. "I want back what's mine!"

"I don't know what you mean…"

"Yes you do… I want you to leave him… I want you to come back to me… and when that happens then the police will get a tip off where Lamia is hiding with the child…"

"You're insane!"

"Oh and one more thing," Slipping his hand around John Paul's neck Simon kissed the man's cheek softly. "If the police come knocking on MY door the next time either of you see that baby is when he's being dug up out of a shallow grave… and don't pretend to yourself I can't do it… cause we both know I can…"

Pushing back his chair Simon turned to leave. "I'm glad you called to meet me," he said, his face bright and pleasant with a warm gentle smile. "It was good to see you again… I expect to hear from you soon… really soon… and I mean soon John Paul… because I understand a certain woman and baby are planning a trip abroad and well… if that happens…"

"The police have her name and photograph circulated to every airport in the country… she'd never make it."

"Oh well I hope she hasn't dyed her hair then… or gotten herself a fake passport… or even that she'd be travelling with her 'husband'… what do you think John Paul? Would all that get her past check in?"

"Simon please…" John Paul's bright blue eyes filled with anguished tears as his ex turned and headed for the exit.

"Call me soon," Simon called over his shoulder. "I'll be waiting."

* * *

"Steve, where have you been?" Lamia asked as the dark-haired man walked into the small rented bed-sit. "It's been ages since you were here. I've been going crazy and Joshua is unsettled. It's not healthy for him to be cooped up inside all the time…"

"I'm sorry sweetheart," Simon said as he slipped an arm around Lamia's shoulders, taking a seat beside her on the fold out sofa bed and kissing her lips gently, the persona of Steve slipping instantly into place. "Sorting everything out is taking longer than I expected."

"We are still leaving though? The three of us… a family, like you promised."

"Of course we are… would I let my best girl down? It's not easy to organise though, you know the police are out there looking for you so we have to be very careful… you don't want Joshua taken away do you?"

Lamia shuddered at the thought. She had already begun thinking of the baby as her own and it would break her heart to have him taken away, but she didn't need to worry about that, she had Steve looking after her now, looking after both of them, and before long they could be a proper family just like she had always dreamed. It didn't matter that Joshua wasn't her real son, he would never need know that that, instead he could grow up knowing he was loved and Lamia knew that was the most important thing.

"I know you're doing your best," Lamia said with a smile as she leant back into the reassuring comfort of the man beside her. "I just want to get away from here so we can stop hiding and just get on with our lives."

"I know," Simon said, his voice warm and soothing but his eyes cold and emotionless as he stroked the woman's hair gently. He could smell the fragrance of her floral shampoo mixed with an underlying scent that was sickly sweet and made him want to gag. Everything about the woman was so unappealing and it made Simon's skin crawl as he played the part of a doting boyfriend. Lamia was so needy, so desperate to believe what he told her and what he promised her that she never once stopped to question his actions. Her desire to believe the man was so strong that any doubts that may have lingered at the back of her mind were dismissed as unimportant fears; nothing was going to spoil her dream of a family, not this time.

Although good looking Simon had never flattered himself that he could be a master of seduction, but with Lamia it had been laughably easy. A few kind words and gentle touches, some chaste kisses and whispered promises and she all but fell at his feet, lapping up every drop of feigned affection that he showered her with.

"I can't stay too long," Simon said, the sickly perfume already catching in his throat.

"But you never stay," Lamia whimpered. "I was hoping maybe you'd be here all night…"

"You know I would if I could," Simon lied, inwardly shuddering at the thought. To convince Lamia of their commitment and love Simon had spent one night in the woman's bed and had no real desire to make it two. While having no particular aversion to the female form, there was nothing about the nanny that interested Simon, his passion only being aroused when he slept with her by closing his eyes and thinking of John Paul. As he had pushed his cock to the back of Lamia's throat he had imagined it was John Paul's lips wrapped around him, the sudden thought of Craig standing by watching as he reclaimed what was rightfully his pushing Simon over the edge and making him climax violently.

Simon had blamed the briefness of the "love-making" on his overwhelming adoration for the woman who had been given no satisfaction from the encounter and Lamia had smiled as she told herself the man desired her so much he could not contain himself.

Simon couldn't believe how easy some people were to convince.

"Look I really have to be going," Simon said getting to his feet.

"Stay a bit longer… please," Lamia begged, her hands clawing at Simon's arm as she tried to pull him back down beside her.

"For god's sake!" Simon snapped angrily, shoving Lamia away from him. "I said I have to go… do you want me to sort everything out or not? Maybe we should just take Joshua back now and forget it… is that what you want?"

"No Steve… I'm sorry…"

A piercing wail filled the small room as Simon's shouts woke Joshua from a fitful slumber and he screamed for attention.

"Now look what you've done!" Simon admonished as he walked towards the door, eager to get out of the small, cramped and grimy bed sit and away from the clinging woman. "It would serve you right if the police did come and take him… you obviously can't keep him quiet."

"He'll be quiet," Lamia promised, picking up the baby and rocking him gently until his cries eased. "See… he's a good baby… He'll be a good baby for mummy and daddy… wont you Joshua?"

"He'd better be," Simon replied coldly. "I'll come back when I've got time… I've left you a bag of shopping by the door so there's no reason to be going out… we don't want you getting caught do we?"

"You'll be back soon wont you?"

"When I've got time I said."

Without another word Simon left the bed sit, slamming the door behind him.

"Daddy doesn't mean to be grumpy," Lamia told the baby as she continued to rock him. "He's just very busy getting our new lives sorted out… you'll see… once that's done and we're all together everything will be fine… daddy loves us Joshua… Mummy, daddy and Joshy… that's just how it should be… it wont be long now… wait and see… it wont be long."

* * *

The blaring of a car horn pulled John Paul from his thoughts, making him slam on his breaks only a second before he would have driven his car into the side of a metallic silver Volvo that had seemingly appeared from nowhere, although in truth it had simply been crossing the junction that John Paul hadn't noticed approaching.

Gripping tightly to his steering wheel John Paul panted, his body shaking at the near collision and his face shimmering with a panicked sweat.

His mind certainly hadn't been on the road or the traffic around him and as such he realised he had put not only his own life, but that of other drivers, in danger.

Running his hands over his face John Paul shrugged apologetically towards the other driver who was shaking his fist angrily and obviously shouting a stream of abuse towards the blonde man.

"I'm sorry," John Paul mouthed as he slowly began to move his car away, clearing the intersection so that traffic could once again flow freely.

Pulling over to the curb John Paul closed his eyes and rested his head on the steering wheel. It was all too much to process and he had no idea what he was going to do.

Simon. All along it had been Simon.

It still seemed inconceivable that the man he had once known would be capable of such cruelty, but looking in the man's cold grey eyes John Paul had known the truth, now he just had to work out what to do with that information.

His first instinct had been to call the police and as such had driven directly to the local station, parking outside and watching the to and fro of officers for twenty minutes. John Paul could almost picture himself walking up to the desk and telling them what he knew, letting the police know that Simon could lead them to the whereabouts of Joshua, but at the last moment he couldn't go through with it.

The stakes were too high, the risk too great and Simon's threat too real. John Paul didn't doubt for one second that Simon would take Joshua's life as easily had he had tried to take Craig's, and even if the man were taken into custody there was no guarantee of the child's safety, if anything John Paul was certain such an action would ensure that Simon never spoke a word of Joshua's location and Craig would never see his nephew again.

However hard he thought and however many times he tried to see away around the problem there was only one way that John Paul could guarantee Joshua's safe return and ultimately that was the main concern, getting Joshua back home was the priority.

John Paul knew that he couldn't spend his life seeing the loss in his lover's eyes, watching Craig pine for the child, scouring crowds in the vain hope of seeing his sister's child. John Paul could never live like that, and he could not let the man he loved live like that, not when he knew he could do something to prevent it.

He had to leave. It was the only answer. As much as he hated the idea John Paul could see no alternative but to concede to Simon's twisted demands, at least then Craig would get the baby back and Joshua would be safe, it was worth the sacrifice, it had to be.

* * *

John Paul's hands were shaking as he slid his key into the lock, opening the door to the house that had become his home, his and Craig's home, now the home that he had to leave.

He would make it quick and painless, as painless as it could be. Craig didn't need to know the reason, it would be better if he didn't, John Paul would just go, end things and let Craig move on without him, he would have Joshua to concentrate on, to care for and that would be comfort enough.

As for John Paul, he tried not to think about where his life might lead from here.

Craig was sitting quietly on the sofa when John Paul entered the room, Kai sprawled lazily across his lap, the man's fingers absentmindedly tickling the cat's ears and stroking over the soft silken fur of his back.

"No Frankie?" John Paul noted as he looked around the peaceful room, hoping that his voice sounded calmer than he felt. If he could just get Craig out of the house then John Paul knew he could pack and leave before his lover got back.

"No she's gone home… wanted to spend some time with Jack…"

"Oh that's… that's good then…" Standing just inside the doorway John Paul felt vulnerable and awkward; should he start an argument? Give Craig cause to storm out?

Turning his head Craig looked closely at his boyfriend, easily Kai gently from his lap as he got to his feet.

"What's happened?" Craig's words were soft, his head tilted to one side in enquiry as he walked slowly over to John Paul.

"I don't know what you mean," John Paul lied, his eyes darting around the room, unable to meet the steady chocolate gaze that was penetrating into him.

"I mean what's happened," Craig repeated.

"Nothing…"

"Don't lie to me…"

"I'm not…"

"John Paul it's written all over your face… for a McQueen you have always been one rubbish liar… you know you'll tell me in the end so why don't you just get it over with now?"

"Craig really… there's nothing to…" John Paul could feel tears beginning to prickle behind his eyes and he tried to turn away so that the dark haired man could not see, but Craig's actions were faster as he cupped his hands around his partner's face and forced the man to look at him.

"I know you better than that," Craig said with a sad smile. "You should know by now that I can tell when something is wrong… so come on, out with it…"

"Craig… I…"

"Come on, it can't be that bad… after everything that's happened lately what could possibly be so terrible?"

John Paul's resolve weakened and melted away under Craig's caring touch, distressed tears tumbling hotly over his cheeks to trickle over Craig's fingers.

"Oh Craig I am so sorry…" John Paul said through his tears. "You were right all along… I didn't want to believe it but you were right…"

"Right about what?" Craig's brow furrowed with concern, his hands falling onto John Paul's shoulders as the man's brilliant blue eyes shed rivers of tears.

"About Simon," John Paul whispered.

"What about him?"

"He… he was involved… with Joshua he… he was a part of it all along… just like you said…"

Craig's hands snapped back from John Paul as if a sudden pain caused him to pull away, his eyes widened and his teeth ground together as he tried to process what his lover had just said.

"How do you know?" Craig asked tensely.

"He told me…"

"Just like that?"

"Well no I… I asked him… I mean I…"

"You asked him? So you had a reason to ask?"

"It's not… it's complicated… I didn't want to believe that…"

Folding his arms across his chest Craig turned away to look out of the window, his knuckles turning white as he gripped onto himself tightly. "I said it was him right from the start…" Craig said through gritted teeth.

"I know… I'm sorry…"

"You're sorry?" Craig's eyes flashed with anger as he span back to face John Paul. "You're bloody sorry? The police could have had him by now… he could have been questioned… Joshua could have been found… but you insisted he was innocent… YOU wouldn't hear of it… there was no way Simon could have been involved right? No fucking way?"

"I didn't think he…"

"He tried to kill me but you still didn't think he could do this?"

"It's not that simple…"

"He tried to kill me but you still went to see him when he got out…"

"I had to… you know that…"

"You carried on seeing him… helping him… fucking well defending him… The man tried to kill me and you still took his side… If anything has happened to Joshua I will never forgive you…"

"I'm sorry… Craig please…" John Paul reached out his hands to be pushed aside as Craig stormed across the room. "Craig what are you doing?"

"What the fuck do you think I'm doing?" Craig snapped as he reached for the telephone. "I'm doing what you should have done and I'm calling the police…"

"No… you can't…" John Paul replied, snatching the receiver from Craig's hand and slamming it down.

"Don't you dare fucking well defend that man now…"

"I'm not… believe me I'm not… I would gladly see that bastard hang for what he's done…"

"So let me call the police…" Craig tried to lift the receiver again but John Paul forced it back down.

"You can't…"

"Give me one good reason…"

John Paul closed his eyes as the burn of bile rose in his throat. He couldn't bare to say it but he knew he had to, he couldn't let Craig make that call, the potential risks were too great.

"Craig you can't," John Paul said in a small voice, his eyes still closed so that he could not see the pain in Craig's gaze as he whispered the words, "Simon said… he said if we call the police… we… we won't see Joshua alive again…"

Craig let his hand slip from the telephone. He wanted to say that he doubted Simon's threats, he wanted to be able to take that chance but he couldn't. He had been too close to that man's homicidal intentions, he had seen the madness in Simon's eyes and Craig knew that the man would end the child's life as easily as someone might step on a bug.

"So what do we do?" Craig asked helplessly. "We let Joshua go? We give up? What? Tell me John Paul… what does that sick bastard want? Is all this just to see us suffer?"

"Maybe…" John Paul replied with a sigh. "Maybe at first that was all it was… take away someone you love because…"

"Because I took someone he loved?"

"Something like that…"

"But I didn't…"

"I know…"

"Why did you ever go and see that man again?" Craig asked, despair and anger flashing through his eyes as he fought with the plethora of emotions that raced through his chest. "Why the fuck did you bring that psycho back into our lives?"

"You have no idea how much I wish I hadn't…"

"Not as much as I do…"

"Craig I… I know you blame me for this…"

Resting one hand against John Paul's cheek, the briefest hint of stubble brushing against his fingers, Craig looked into the gentlest blue eyes he had ever known in his life, eyes that he had loved probably from the first moment he had looked into them.

"Yes I do." Craig said simply as he removed his hand. How was it possible to love and hate one person so much at the same moment?

Rubbing his tears from his face John Paul took a deep breath. "But I can fix this… I can get Joshua home to you…"

"What?"

"There's something that I can do to get him back…"

"So do it."

"You don't even know what it is…"

"Whatever it is… whatever he wants… get my nephew back John Paul."

"Me," John Paul said quietly.

"What?"

"That's what he wants… he'll tell the police where Joshua and Lamia are if I leave you and go back to him…"

Craig shook his head in disbelief, he couldn't quite understand how things had become so mixed up, how his family had been torn apart by the actions of one deranged man.

"So what are you waiting for?"

John Paul swallowed, part of him had hoped that Craig would laugh of the suggestion but he could see the resolve in the chocolate pools of Craig's eyes and John Paul couldn't blame him. Joshua's safety and possibly his life were in danger, what other choice was there?

"You want me to go?" John Paul asked sadly even though he knew the answer.

"You brought that man back into our lives even after he tried to kill me… you helped him, you supported him and then you defended him while he arranged the abduction of my nephew… Do you really think that anything is more important right now than getting Joshua back safely?"

"No," John Paul replied with a dejected shake of his head, "No I don't… I'll go and pack a few things… and… I'm so sorry Craig… I love you…"

"It's a shame you didn't remember that sooner… then maybe none of this would have happened…" Folding his arms back across his chest Craig turned to face the window as John Paul left the room, the soft mew of Kai winding himself in and out of Craig's legs gained no reaction; Craig simply stared out onto the empty street. He felt sick, sickened, shocked that his life could be so easily destroyed by the insanity of just one man.

Swallowing hard Craig could almost feel Simon's fingers wrapped tightly around his throat, squeezing the life from him, tearing him apart from the man he loved, it was as if Craig was experiencing that moment all over again and the feeling left him shaking and breathless.

* * *

With hot tears trickling silently over his cheeks John Paul began to pack. The small suitcase flung open on the top of the chest of drawers as he threw random items of clothing into it, neither knowing nor caring what he was taking.

Craig's accusing words replayed over and over in John Paul's mind, each one like a slap to the face and each one entirely deserved. How could he have been so stupid, so blind? Why had he ever agreed to meet Simon again? Was the need to quash some lingering feelings of guilt really that important?

The more he thought about it the more callous and calculated Simon's plans became and it chilled John Paul to realise that the man must have been watching them for some time, mapping our their lives and the arrival of Joshua until he could formulate the one plan guaranteed to make them suffer the most.

And the worst part of it all was the fact that Simon had won. His sick twisted plans had finally born fruit, tearing apart John Paul and Craig in such a way that the blonde man could see no hope for salvation. He shuddered as he imagined spending the rest of his life with Simon. John Paul knew he would rather end his life than do something that he had once believed would be his future.

"Don't forget your toothbrush," Craig said, leaning in the doorway of the bedroom.

John Paul jumped at the sound of his lovers, or should that be ex-lover's, voice as he hadn't heard the man ascend the stairs.

"Yeah… right…" John Paul replied flatly. He couldn't believe things were ending like this and he wanted to grab Craig and scream at him, beg him not to let him go, but how could he? How could he ask Craig to sacrifice his nephew like that?

"And once Joshua is home," Craig was continuing, "I think we should move down to Henley like we planned… but right away… it wont be safe to stay around here."

Frowning in confusion John Paul stopped and turned to face Craig. "I don't follow…"

"What's not to follow?" Craig asked. "When we've got Joshua back we pack up and go…"

"We?"

"Well I'm not going without you am I?"

"But I..?"

"What?"

"Well I'm leaving…"

"Yeah," Craig said with a small laugh. "For now… till Joshua is safe…"

"You mean you want me to come back?"

"John Paul McQueen," Craig said slowly as he walked into the room and gripped the blonde man by the shoulders. "You are gorgeous and funny and clever and sexy… but sometimes you can be a complete fucking idiot!"

"Thanks!"

"Do you really think I expected you to spend the rest of your life with that nutter?"

"But… but that's the arrangement…"

"Yeah… UNTIL Joshua is back safe with me… after which point why would you have to stay there? That man has taken too much from us already… I'm not letting him take you."

John Paul laughed in realisation, the horror of the situation had blinded him to the realities of what it all really meant. Once Joshua was safe Simon would have no hold over them anymore.

"Simon must realise that though…" John Paul said. "Don't you think?"

"Maybe… but what's he gonna do? Take the baby again? He wont find us… not this time…"

"I thought…" John Paul shook his head, sometimes his stupidity really knew no bounds.

"Idiot," Craig teased as he pulled John Paul close, holding the man tightly. He hated the thought of sending him to Simon but there was no other way. Joshua had to be safe, he had to come home.

"I am so sorry for all of this Craig," John Paul breathed, the weight of Craig in his arms the most perfect feeling in the world.

"But you've learned your lesson and you wont go bringing any more psychos home… right?"

"Right…"

Releasing his hold Craig stepped back. "You'd better call him then," Craig said with a sigh. "Tell him he's won…"

Without comment John Paul pulled his mobile from his pocket and dialled.

"John Paul," Came the gloating greeting. "I knew you'd call but I didn't expect it to be so soon…"

"You've got what you wanted," John Paul replied coldly.

"You're leaving him?"

"Yeah…"

"Then you'd better get yourself round here," Simon replied brightly. "I'll cook us a meal… a welcome home… I've missed you so much John Paul… but you'll see… when you get here… you'll see we're meant to be… and we can just forget about the past."

"I'll be there soon." Ending the call John Paul exchanged a sad smile with the man he loved. They both searched for the right words to say but came up blank, instead they held each other close, their lips pressed hard together in a desperate kiss as their tears mingled on their cheeks.

Neither man wanted to break apart but they had to. They had to for Joshua's sake.


	6. Chapter 6

Craig stared at the wall, the pattern of the wallpaper blending and swirling together before his unblinking eyes. He felt numb, afraid to feel because feeling would be too painful.

John Paul had been gone for four hours, four long empty hours. Four hours in which Craig had considered over and over again picking up the phone and bringing his lover home, or dialling the police and telling them what he knew. Each time he got close to picking up the telephone receiver Craig's hand was stilled by the memory of John Paul's words… Simon's threat. "Simon said… he said if we call the police… we… we won't see Joshua alive again…"

Reaching his hand to his throat Craig shivered. His mind filled with the terrifying image of Joshua's small body, cold and lifeless. It was something Craig couldn't risk, whatever the cost, and Simon knew that.

So he waited. Waited and stared at the walls. John Paul had been gone four hours, but it felt like a lifetime.

* * *

John Paul raised a fork to his mouth, taking a deep breath before forcing himself to consume another mouthful of food. He had no idea what he was eating, it tasted like ashes and bitterness, but he continued eating as Simon grinned at him across the dining table, a single candle in the centre casting menacing shadows across the man's face.

Simon had greeted the blonde man with gusto, the welcome of a long lost friend newly found. John Paul had done his best to play along and if his smile never quite made it to the cool blue of his eyes Simon was too consumed with his own satisfaction to notice. He had won. Reclaiming the love that Craig had stolen from him.

"Your food OK?" Simon asked, his grey eyes sparking under the candlelight as he tilted his head to one side and smiled. John Paul really was quite beautiful and he was back, he was home.

"Yeah," John Paul lied, "Yeah, it's delicious…"

"I remembered it was your favourite…"

"Right… yeah… thanks…"

"You are enjoying it?"

"Course I am." John Paul smiled, his teeth gritting together and he forced the widest grin he could manage, resisting the urge to grab the candle and ram it down Simon's throat.

"You always liked my cooking," Simon said, nodding to himself in satisfaction as he returned his attention to his own meal. "Yeah you always said my cooking was best…"

John Paul let his face relax as Simon's gaze left him. Time was dragging by so slowly, so painfully, and he didn't know how long he could last out. How many hours, days or weeks would it be before Simon made the call that would return Joshua home? What did Simon expect now that John Paul was back with him? John Paul was painfully aware that Simon's small house only had one bedroom and, although he was trying not to think about it, he knew that Simon was expecting more than just a platonic relationship with him.

"It's good to have you home," Simon continued, almost talking to himself as he wolfed down his food happily. "You've been away far too long… but I knew you'd come home eventually… we're meant to be after all… we belong together… don't we? John Paul? I said we belong together…"

"Yeah, yeah course," John Paul stammered as Simon fixed him with a steely stare making the blonde man look away nervously.

"You ARE happy to be here aren't you?" Simon asked slowly, placing his fork down on his plate.

Holding back the urge to punch the man in the face John Paul smiled, holding in his mind the image of Joshua lying safely back in Craig's arms as he spoke. "Of course I am Simon… I always knew I'd be back with you eventually, I just… I just needed reminding is all…"

"Yeah," Simon smiled. "Yeah reminding… reminding you're mine… it's just us from now on… John Paul and Simon… like it was always meant to be!"

"That's right… just the two of us… I just hope…"

"What?"

"No it doesn't matter…"

"Come on John Paul… if something's bothering you…"

"I don't want to spoil things… but…"

"But?"

John Paul took a deep breath, he knew he had to be careful but at the same time he couldn't let Simon forget their agreement, he just had to hope that Simon's delusions were absolute. "It's just… well I don't want Craig to be able to get in the way again…"

Simon grimaced at the mention of the brunette's name; never had he loathed another human being so completely. "Why would you mention that man to me?"

"I'm sorry Simon," John Paul said, his hand reaching across the table to stroke the other man's gently. "But you know what he's like… he wont take me walking out on him lightly… we need find a way to make sure he's too busy to get in our way!"

"Such as?"

"I dunno… getting that annoying kid back with him… you have no idea how much time that brat takes up! When you make that call to the police… well Craig will be out of our lives for good then… we can put it all behind us… that is what you want isn't it Simon? To put the past behind us?"

"You do love me don't you John Paul?" Simon asked. "Just me and no one else…"

John Paul smiled as the bile rose in his throat. "Of course I do," he lied. "It's always been you… you know that… you always knew that… isn't that why you didn't give up on me?"

"Yeah," Simon's face beamed with joy as he heard confirmation that all he believed was true, they had all tried to make him believe that John Paul didn't want him anymore but Simon had known the truth. "Yeah I always knew… nobody could ever love you as much as I do John Paul McQueen…"

John Paul tensed as Simon got to his feet and walked slowly around the table, the man's hands reaching out to cup the blonde's face tenderly, his face soft and loving, reminiscent of the man John Paul had once loved but John Paul knew that that man no longer existed.

"You belong to me John Paul," Simon said as he leant down to kiss the mouth he had dreamed of for so long, his tongue sweeping over John Paul's lips as his hands slid to the back of John Paul's neck. "You're mine and you wont ever forget that again… I'm never going to let you go again… never…"

"I'm going nowhere," John Paul promised, his hands resting on Simon's hips as he resisted the urge to wipe the man's kiss from his lips. "And once you make sure there's no connection between us and him… we can be happy then can't we Simon? Just us… for the rest of our lives…"

"Because that's what you want?"

"More than anything!"

"You love me?"

"Of course I do…"

"No say it… tell me you love me…"

"I love you Simon Gibson," John Paul said softly, his lips touching briefly against Simon's as his heart screamed out its love for Craig.

* * *

"Craig?"

"John Paul? John Paul is everything OK?"

"Yeah… I can't talk for long…I just wanted to make sure you were all right."

"Me? I'm fine… it's you I'm worried about…" Craig's knuckled whitened as he gripped his mobile tightly, his heart had leapt when he saw his lovers name dancing across the screen, he hadn't dare hope that John Paul would be able to contact him.

"There's no need to worry," John Paul replied, his voice had an echoing quality as the acoustics of the bathroom vibrated through the phone. "I'm OK… just missing you…"

"We're doing the right thing aren't we?" Craig's eyes were dark with worry and fear. Somehow hearing John Paul's voice was both comforting and disturbing.

"We've come too far to back out now Craig… it'll be OK… you'll see… when we've got Joshua back it'll all be worth it… I've gotta go Craig… he'll be wondering what's taking me so long…"

"John Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful…"

"I will…"

"I love you."

The sudden silence as John Paul disconnected the call was absolute, leaving Craig staring blankly at his mobile. What had he done? How could he have sent the man he loved to someone as dangerous and unstable as Simon? He couldn't let it go on and so, with trembling hands, Craig dialled the police, his thumb hovering over the button that would connect his call. Barely a second before he pressed it his phone beeped, announcing the arrival of a text message.

"Stay strong," John Paul's message read. "I love you."

Craig smiled to himself, his gaze flickering unconsciously to a framed photograph of John Paul holding Joshua in his arms, the blonde man was laughing hysterically at the silly faces Craig had been pulling from behind the camera. Taking a deep breath Craig put down his phone. He could be strong a little longer if it meant getting his family back, he had to.

* * *

"I thought we could finish this upstairs," Simon said, holding out the half drunk bottle of wine, his eyes dancing with excitement.

"Upstairs?" John Paul echoed, his teeth catching on his lip nervously as his mind searched for a way to refuse without arousing suspicion.

"Yeah you know," Simon laughed, "Upstairs… where the bed is…"

"I don't… I'm not…"

"John Paul? You do still want me don't you?"

John Paul smiled as he took the bottle from Simon's hand and placed it on the table before stroking his fingers gently over the man's face. "Of course I do," he said softly. "It's just… after all this time I don't want to rush things… we've been apart for a long time Simon and I…" Turning his face away John Paul laughed coyly. "Doesn't matter, you'll think I'm silly…"

"No please… tell me…"

"You'll laugh…"

"I wont… tell me…"

Repressing a shudder John Paul turned back to Simon with a shy smile, his blue eyes appeared to shimmer with uncertainty. "I just thought it would be nice to get to know each other all over again… you know, as if we'd just met… so we can really start afresh." John Paul let out another small laugh. "See you think I'm silly but… but I thought it would be nice to be able to take our time… it's not like we're in any rush is it?" Holding his breath John Paul waited for Simon's response, he trembled slightly as he feared that he had misjudged the situation and exposed his true feelings.

"You're shaking," Simon said in surprise. "It really means that much to you?"

"I know it sounds silly but… but we need to get it right this time…"

"Okay."

"Yeah?"

"I'd do anything for you John Paul…"

"And you don't mind?"

Grabbing hold of John Paul's hands Simon squeezed them tightly, his cold grey eyes seemed alive with passion, a look that once made John Paul's heart race faster but now filled his veins with ice. "I've got you forever," Simon said in a low satisfied voice. "I can wait a little while to make love to you again… and beside I know that once I remind you how good I am you will never want it to stop."

"Thank you," John Paul said, his heart filled with relief. "And I don't mind sleeping on the sofa for now."

"Don't be silly," Simon replied with a shake of his head. "My bed is plenty big enough for both of us… and I promise not to try and seduce you… well not for a night or two anyway!"

John Paul smiled. As much as the thought of sharing a bed with that man turned his stomach he knew he couldn't push his luck too far, he would just have to get really good at faking sleep.

* * *

Seven days after John Paul left their home Craig had had enough. He couldn't stand the waiting, the wondering, or the fear any longer. A part of him, a small terrified irrational part, had even started to worry that John Paul might want to stay with Simon, after all he had loved the man once, why not again? At time like that he would replay in his head the snatched conversations he had managed to share with the blonde man in the past week, hushed declarations of love were all he had to hold on to, when he wanted to desperately to hold the person who should be at his side.

Silencing the television Craig threw the remote control across the room, the batteries scattering as it crashed against the wall. He couldn't take any more, he felt like he was about to break; the endless waiting was driving him insane.

Craig jumped in fright as the shrill ring of the doorbell broke into his thoughts and, just like ever other time he answered the door to the postman or a neighbour or a friend, his heart raced with a combination of hope and fear.

The woman standing on the other side of the door was familiar yet her name escaped Craig as he looked into her soft brown eyes, not realising he was holding his breath.

"Can I come in Mr Dean?"

"Has something happened?"

"Please, can we talk inside?"

Carolyn Lewis both loved and loathed her work as a family liaison officer, she got to see the best and the worst in people, seeing families torn apart by tragedy and reunited in joy. The Dean case was no more remarkable than many others she had worked on over the last ten years, yet her heart and gone out to the two men as she witnessed their love tested by such grief.

Stepping back Craig let the woman across the threshold, closing the door behind her but unable to wait until she got into the living room before he asked again. "Please… tell me what's happened…"

"It's OK Mr Dean… Craig," Carolyn said with a warm smile that soothed Craig's fears slightly. "We had an anonymous call as to the whereabouts of Lamia Eliezer and your nephew, two officers called on the address a short while ago. Miss Eliezer has been taken into custody."

"And Joshua?"

"He's safe… we had a doctor check him over and he's fine…"

"Where is he? I need to see him…"

"He'll be here soon Craig, an officer is bringing him home."

Craig's legs buckled and he crumpled to the floor, his face covered in tears as he sobbed, his body shaking as he wept with such relief. "He's coming home… he's really coming home…"

Carolyn's eyes filled with tears for a moment as she knelt to place an arm around the sobbing man. Times like this really were the greatest part of her job, being able to deliver the good news, letting a family know that all of their hopes and prayers hadn't been in vain.

Twenty minutes later Craig shakily cradled a hot sweet cup of tea and watched the hands of the wall clock creep forward. Time almost seemed to have stood still as he waited, each minute taking an hour to tick by, but he could cope with that wait because he knew that each of those minutes was bringing Joshua one step closer to home.

Finally, fourty minutes after receiving the news that Joshua had been found the doorbell rang again. Craig looked at Carolyn for a moment, he felt suddenly afraid to move. The thing he felt like he had been waiting a lifetime for was finally here, it felt like a dream and Craig was scared to move in case it was shattered.

"I'll get it," Carolyn said with a kind smile, her hand squeezing gently at Craig's shoulder as she walked by him and out into the hallway.

With trembling legs Craig got to his feet, his hands nervously covering his mouth as he heard hushed voices at the doorway and the murmur of a grumpy child.

And then he was there.

Fussing slightly in the female officers arms, the child Craig had been terrified he might never see again. Fresh tears tumbled over his face as he reached out his hands to Joshua, cradling the baby close to his chest the moment he had been handed over.

"You're sure he's OK?" Craig whispered as he kissed the top of the child's head.

"He's absolutely fine," Carolyn reassured him. "Miss Eliezer took good care of him…"

"And where is she now?"

"In custody… she is claiming someone else put her up to it… the investigation is ongoing…"

"Right…"

"Do you want me to call Mr McQueen and let him know Joshua is home?"

"No, he had to go away for a few days… but he'll be back soon… really soon…" Holding Joshua away from his body Craig looked into the child's sleepy eyes, his heart filled with more love than he thought it was possible to contain. "John Paul will be home soon."

* * *

With his fingers curled tightly into a fist Craig raised his hand and hammered on the door. There was a doorbell only a few inches from where his fist crashed against the painted wood but he wanted to make sure there was no way his presence could be missed.

Having Joshua back in his arms was a joy beyond reason and Craig had simply held the sleeping child for at least an hour, doing nothing but looking at the perfection of the baby's small face, the way his cupid's bow mouth seemed to smile in his sleep and his tiny fingers reached out to grip onto something that his dreaming mind told him he was there. But having Joshua back was only half the victory and eventually Craig had asked the couple next door to mind the child for a while as he had an urgent errand to run.

Craig continued to hammer on the door, even after he heard footsteps approaching, not stopping until it swung away from him.

"Craig." The name was said in a bitter derisive sneer as Simon took in the man on his doorstep. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I've come to take my fiancé home," Craig stated simply, his gaze looking past the man before him and into the hallway. "Where is he?"

"MY boyfriend is just in the shower," Simon replied. "You wouldn't believe how hot and sweaty he can get… well at least he does with me…"

There was a time when Craig would have liked nothing better than to have the pleasure of smashing Simon's face through to the back of his head but not any more. He had better things to spend his time and energy on.

"Tell him I'm here."

"Forget it Craig… he chose me… and we're far too busy making up for lost time to waste any of it on you… why don't you just fuck of back where you came from…"

"Oh don't worry I will… just as soon as I've got John Paul…"

"He's staying where he is."

"Yeah whatever. JOHN PAUL!"

One of the doors leading from the hallway opened up as Craig called his lovers name for a second time and John Paul stepped through, fully clothed and showing no signs of just vacating the shower, a fact which filled Craig with no little relief.

"Craig!" The joy in John Paul's voice was tangible as he walked slowly, almost dreamlike, towards the open door. "Is he back?"

"He's back…"

"Oh thank god!" Relief washed over the blonde, engulfing him and taking away the pain of being apart from Craig for so long.

"John Paul will you please tell your ex to go away and leave us alone," Simon said, his arms folded across his chest as his mind chose to blot out the exchange he had heard between the two men. "He can't seem to get it into his thick head that you're back with me now…"

"Simon," John Paul said with a smile that was almost sympathetic. "You are a sad deluded nutcase… I am not 'back with you'… I never was… why do you really think I came back to you?"

"Because you love me of course… you said so…"

"I would have said the sky was pink and grass was made of fairy dust if it helped to get Joshua back."

"No… no that's not right," Simon shook his head, his delusions refusing to move aside and allow reality in. "You're in love with me… we're going to be happy together… the two of… just like I always wanted…"

"I am going to tell you this one more time Simon. I am in love with Craig… Craig not you… it's never been you…"

"But you said…"

"I lied!"

"But I love you…"

"No you don't… you don't even know what love is… you need help Simon… you're sick in the head… but you're not my problem any more…"

Reaching out a hand John Paul took hold of Craig's and walked past Simon without a backwards glance as the man tried to process what was happening. Simon had been so sure, everything had fallen into place, just like he'd planned, but this wasn't a part of the plan. Simon watched motionless and dumbfounded as the two men began to walk slowly down the street away from him, their fingers entwined as they talked together. They looked like lovers, but that couldn't be. John Paul loved Simon. He'd said so.

"John Paul… come back," Simon said quietly, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides, his nails sinking into his palms until the skin was marked with deep red half moon shapes.

"So you didn't bring the car?" John Paul asked with a laugh as they walked away from Simon's house. "That was good planning."

"Bloody thing wouldn't start!" Craig replied with a laugh. "I had to get a taxi here."

"Not to worry, we can hail another one when we get to the high street. God I can't believe it really worked… and Joshua's OK?"

"He's perfect," Craig said, his eyes shining more brightly than John Paul could ever remember. "I'm never going to be able to thank you for what you did…"

"Don't be soft… I don't need thanks… we got our Joshua back and that's all that matters…"

"John Paul did you…" Craig hesitated and looked away, a slight flush on his cheeks.

"What?"

"Doesn't matter."

"No go on…"

"It's just… you were with him for a week and I know you had to make sure he believed you so… so I mean I would understand but I need to know…"

"Are you asking me if I slept with Simon?"

"Yeah…"

"Craig I can't answer that."

"Why not… I'd understand…"

"Think about it… If I did and I say I did I know how that's gonna make you feel… whatever the reason for it I know it would still hurt you… and if I didn't and I say I didn't… well you're just gonna think that I did but I'm trying to save your feelings."

"So I can't ever know?"

John Paul stopped and turned to face Craig, his fingertips touched gently at the man's face for a moment, revelling in its beauty, a beauty he had been denied for too long.

"Craig do you believe that I love you?"

"Of course I do."

"And that I love Joshua?"

"Yes."

"Then what else matters… this past week we did what we had to do and we got our boy back… from this moment we move forward. The three of us. Our family, like we're supposed to be."

"John Paul McQueen you are an amazing man!"

"I know!"

Craig laughed softly as John Paul's lips tickled against his mouth in a feather soft kiss that felt like the kiss of an angel but better, because it was the kiss of the man he loved.

"STOP IT!"

John Paul staggered slightly as a hand grabbed his shoulder and dragged him backwards almost causing him to lose his balance.

"Just stop it!" Simon said. His eyes flashed wildly, like some wild animal who had broken free from its cage and had now sighted its perfect prey. "I don't know what sick game you're playing kissing some strange bloke in the street but I suggest you get back home right now!"

Standing in the doorway of his home, watching the figure of his obsession walking away from him had been too much, closing down any last hint of rational thought Simon's mind would only accept one piece of information. John Paul was his. His and no one else's. And no one else was going to get to touch the man, not ever again.

"Simon," John Paul began, slowly and cautiously. It wasn't just the wild look in his ex's eyes that was making John Paul's hands tremble as he tried to keep his voice calm, but also the large kitchen knife that was hanging, almost forgotten, from Simon's right fist. "Simon what are you doing?"

"It's all right John Paul… I forgive you… I know it didn't mean anything… just come back home now… it's time to put dinner on…"

"Simon it's over between us… I'm not going back with you…"

"I have some of that nice wine you like… it's chilling now in the fridge," Simon said, ignoring John Paul's words as if they had never been uttered. "Come on home now… don't worry about that man… he'll go away…"

"That man is Craig… the man I love."

"Don't be silly," Simon said with an amused shake of his head. "We don't know anyone called Craig… now come home John Paul… stop trying to make me angry."

"Simon look…" Craig began, but no sooner had he spoken than the man he addressed spun to face him, the apparently forgotten kitchen knife suddenly raised threateningly towards his face.

"You don't talk," Simon snarled. "You don't get to talk… you don't even exist… this is between me and my boyfriend!"

"He is not your boyfriend," Craig said, slowly and calmly, his eyes fixed on Simon's manic expression in the hope that his gaze would not betray John Paul as he moved slowly behind Simon, his hand quietly reaching out to grip the man's wrist firmly, twisting it until he had no choice but to drop the knife in pain.

"Why did you do that?" Simon asked, tears beginning to tumble down his face as he turned back to John Paul, rubbing at his wrist, not noticing as Craig bent down to retrieve the knife. "Why would you hurt me like that? Why are you always trying to hurt me? You love me John Paul… why do you want to hurt me?"

"I'm sorry Simon," John Paul said, his heart wrenched with guilt and sympathy for the man who had, quite clearly, lost his grip on reality. "I should never have let things get this far… you need help, and we will get you that help… but I don't love you."

"You do… you do…" Simon insisted, his hands pawing at John Paul's chest, desperation shining in his dull grey eyes. "You love me and we'll always be together… it's how I planned it… all those months locked away in that horrible place… I worked it all out… you and me… come home now John Paul… come back home…"

"Simon… I am sorry… but no…"

"But… but you'd said… you promised me… John Paul you promised… tonight! We had it all planned… a nice meal and then… You promised… after I made that call you said it would all be OK again… I love you John Paul… you're mine… say that you're mine… say it… tell me you love me… come back home and show me… like you promised… you promised…"

"I'm sorry…"

"You will be!" The pleading and desperation in Simon's eyes was gone in a flash, instantly replaced by hatred so dark that it made John Paul step backwards nervously. "You belong to me John Paul McQueen. You. Are. Mine!"

With a speed and strength that seemed to come from nowhere Simon grabbed the knife from Craig's hand while simultaneously pushing the man roughly to the ground, the blade swinging in front of him threateningly.

"You don't get to do this to me again," Simon said, pointing the large knife towards John Paul, jabbing the blade forward to emphasise each word.

"Simon put the knife down," John Paul said as calmly as he could, despite the fear and panic racing through his veins. "Put the knife down and we'll talk…"

"You'll lie to me you mean… like you always have…"

"No Simon we will talk… I promise."

"Your promises mean nothing," Simon spat, "I've heard them all before…"

"Simon please…" John Paul held his hands out before him, desperate to placate the man who was swinging the kitchen knife wildly, threatening to slice anyone who came too close.

"Simon it's over… put the knife down," Craig said, brushing dirt from his jeans as he got to his feet.

"You!" Simon snarled. "It was always you… you always got in the way… we would have been happy if it wasn't for you… I should have made sure you were dead when I got the chance…"

"Put the knife down," Craig repeated.

"Simon please… this isn't going to help anyone," John Paul pleaded, half aware of a tall blonde woman to his left making a phone call and asking for the police.

"Why did he have to come back?" Simon asked, his knuckles white as he held the knife tightly. "We had been happy before he took you from me… we could be happy again…"

"No."

"You promised. You said you loved me."

"I had to," John Paul replied with a melancholy sigh. "I had to get you to tell the police where Joshua was…"

"I should have killed him… the snivelling little brat… he would never have forgiven you … I could have had you back then…"

"You're not a killer."

"Bet your life?" With a vicious laugh Simon lunged forward, the blade catching the sunlight as he aimed it towards John Paul's chest.

"John Paul!" Craig's cry was piercing as he threw himself towards Simon, knocking the man aside and causing the knife to miss John Paul's chest but instead score an angry red tear across his forearm.

John Paul cried out in pain as he wrapped his hand around the crimson wound in an attempt to stem the blood flow.

"You spoilt it again…" Simon bemoaned, backing away from the two men, his eyes dark and haunted and tears covering his face. "You are always spoiling things… why wont you just die?"

"It's over Simon… it's time to give up," Craig replied, his arm wrapped tightly and protectively around John Paul's shoulders, his gaze darting between the madman and his wounded lover.

"I hate you… I hate you both!" Simon screamed, his voice as manic as his expression as he turned and ran.

"Simon, look out!"

John Paul felt his heart beat faster. The images his eyes registered passed by in slow motion, a horrifying and yet also strangely surreal image of horror.

For a split second Simon froze, too late, as the bus crashed into his body. John Paul watched the body of his one time lover pull up against the front of the bus, finally being flung like a rag doll ahead of it. The air stunk with the acrid copper scent of blood; the grey eyed man's remains twisted at impossible angles to the accompanying sounds of the bus's breaks and a high pitched scream.

The air rung with silence, broken only by the sound of a child's ball bouncing to stillness beside the broken remains of a tortured soul.

Closing his eyes to the sight John Paul buried his face in Craig's shoulder. That morning he had been sick twice at the thought of finally giving himself to Simon physically, now as his exes' blood filled his nostrils the burning bile stung again.

Although sometime later John Paul would feel guilty over his initial emotion he couldn't help but feel a sense of relief at the sight of Simon's broken body. There was no denying the fact. It really was over.


	7. Chapter 7

John Paul couldn't be certain what woke him, his sleep had been fitful at best, jumping at even the hint of a sound and not even the comfort of his own bed or the presence of the man beside him had managed to soothe him completely.

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the semi-darkness of the room as he looked around for the cause of the disturbance.

And then he saw it and John Paul's heart missed a beat as he gasped with abject terror and sat bolt upright in the bed.

"No." John Paul's voice was a whisper and yet it seemed as loud as a shout in the stillness of the room. "No that's not possible…"

"You lied to me," Simon said slowly as he approached the bed. "Do you think I would just forget that?"

Simon's skin appeared grey and sallow in the darkness of the room, his eyes sunken and glazed over and his right cheek was torn and bloodied, peppered with grit in the ripped skin, evidence of where he had landed on the road.

"I saw you… the bus… no I saw you…"

"Did you John Paul? Did you really? Maybe you just saw what you wanted to see… just like I saw someone who cared about me every time I looked at you."

"I did care about you… I just… I…"

"You lied… you said you loved me."

"I had to."

"He made you."

"No it wasn't…"

John Paul shook his head in a moments confusion as for the first time he noticed that Joshua was cradled in Simon's left arm, the child cooing contentedly against the man's chest.

"Put him down," John Paul, trying to remain calm but his shaking voice betraying his fear. "Simon put him down."

"You don't get to tell me what to do anymore… I think I'll keep him this time… and when he gets older I could teach him to hate his dear Uncle Craig… what do you think about that idea? Sweet little Joshua growing up to loathe that man as much as I do… that would be some sort of revenge at least…"

"Simon put him down… this isn't about Joshua." With his eyes fixed on the baby John Paul stretched out his hand to rouse his slumbering lover, not sure how the man could sleep through the conversation that was happening around him.

"He wont wake up!" Simon said with a cruel laugh, his grey eyes dancing with a dark joy that made John Paul want to scream.

"What have you done?"

"It wasn't me."

Turning in Simon's arms Joshua giggled happily, his small fist was inexplicably clutching onto the handle of a large kitchen knife and his face and chest were spattered with deep crimson, it looked as if he had been showered with red paint but John Paul knew it wasn't paint that coated the child.

Turning his head slowly John Paul snatched back his hand from where it had been pressed against Craig's chest as he attempted to rouse him. Craig's bare chest was coated in the same thick crimson liquid and a gaping wound over his heart was obviously the source of the blood.

Simon began to laugh, the sound loud and piercing, Joshua's childish giggles making the sound even more sinister.

John Paul screamed, raising his hand to his face, the blood dripping off it and onto his porcelain skin.

* * *

"And that's when I wake up," John Paul explained with a shiver, the retelling of his recurring nightmare almost as chilling as experiencing it.

Mikhail Neurovitch nodded slowly, his mouth curled into a gentle understanding smile as he took in the man before him.

John Paul had been coming to see him for four weeks now, their first appointment barely a week after Simon's death but Mikhail knew that they hadn't even begun to scratch the surface of what was really behind John Paul nightmares.

With a sigh John Paul looked down at his fingers, watching absently as they twisted together in his lap almost as if he were totally unconnected to them.

It was all so unreal, all of it, right from the moment they had become the guardians of Joshua their lives had been thrown into chaos and, although he would never say it out loud, there were times when he thought that things would be easier if Frankie got custody of the child, just like she always wanted.

"And have you told Craig about the nightmares yet?" Mikhail asked, already knowing the answer, but asking anyway.

"No," John Paul admitted, his head hanging a little lower.

"John Paul at our last session you agreed that you had to let Craig in… let him know what's been troubling you… does he know you're seeing me yet?"

Shaking his head slowly John Paul raised his eyes, smiling a bashful embarrassed smile at his counsellor as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Craig's got so much going on looking after Joshua and now that he's working from home… he just doesn't need any more stress right now…"

"Whereas John Paul McQueen can handle it all by himself because he's Superman?"

"No of course not but…"

"John Paul we all need help sometimes and there is no shame in admitting that…"

"That's why I'm here isn't it?"

"And that is a good start… but sometimes the best help we can get is from the people we love."

"So what am I paying you for?" John Paul asked with a small laugh and a smile that made his bright blue eyes sparkle for a moment.

"For all my wonderful advice of course," Mikhail teased kindly before his voice became serious again. "But I mean it John Paul, there is only so much we can achieve here…"

"But how do I tell him that… that after everything we've been through… after all the struggling and fighting… how do I tell him it's still not right?" John Paul's eyes shimmered with tears that tumbled down his cheeks as he blinked. "I guess after all that I just… I just thought we'd finally get our sunset ending or something…but instead it's just… oh I don't know…"

"Tell me how things are with Craig right now," Mikhail said as John Paul reached for a tissue to wipe away his tears.

Mikhail Neurovitch enjoyed his job, and what was more he was good at it. He had always had the innate ability to get people to open up to him and the instinct to point them in the right direction that would ultimately lead them to a satisfactory solution to their problems; so it seemed a natural progression for him to train as a counsellor and he had never once regretted his decision.

With a somewhat elongated face and often erratic hairstyle he habitually had the appearance of the classic nutty professor, an image he encouraged by wearing a variety of brightly coloured bow ties. However, any doubts that a client may have of his abilities were usually quashed within the first ten minutes of their initial session, as they found themselves opening up to him more than they had ever managed before.

"OK I guess," John Paul answered in reply to Mikhail's question.

"I think we both know by now that I don't accept 'OK' as a valid answer to my questions. How are they really?"

"I don't know… I know I still love him… as much as ever… more if that's even possible but…" John Paul shook his head and turned towards the window to follow the path of a small billowing cloud as it journeyed slowly across the sky.

"But?"

"But what if he doesn't feel the same anymore… it's not like I could blame him… hell he was nearly killed because of me… then nearly lost his nephew… I couldn't blame him if… if he'd had enough… he must be thinking 'what next'… I know I am."

"And I guess I'm right in assuming you haven't broached the subject with Craig?"

"I don't think I can… what if he said…" Closing his eyes John Paul sighed heavily.

John Paul had believed that the moment that the bus struck Simon, ending his obsession with their lives, things would finally be able to get back to normal but now he wasn't even sure what normal was. It certainly wasn't the life they were currently leading.

"I'm just not sure he even needs me anymore," John Paul continued, his eyes downcast and heavy with grief. "And maybe it's just a matter of time before he tells me so… we don't even… you know… well not since he moved Joshua's cot into our room… and when I get home from work… I'm not even sure he wants me there…"

* * *

Looking at his watch John Paul sighed, it was already gone 7.30 and he was only just getting in from work. Since moving back home he had fallen into the habit of working later and later; not feeling that Craig even noticed if he was there or not.

Pushing open the living room door John Paul smiled, a look of genuine pleasure for a moment, as he looked into the room.

Craig was somehow managing to portray an image of domestic bliss and efficient work as he sat on the sofa. One hand was tapping away on the keyboard of his laptop that was sat on the coffee table before him, while the other rested over the edge of Joshua's carry cot, ready to see to the baby's needs in a flash. To round the picture off Kai was curled up at Craig's side, the feline sleeping as contentedly as the child.

Raising his head from the computer screen Craig smiled, his brown eyes shining, not only from the reflection of the electronic light, but from the happiness at simply seeing his lover returning home, he just wished John Paul didn't feel he needed to work so hard and so late to recently compensate now that Craig was currently earning less working from home.

"I've left you some dinner in the oven," Craig said, his attention momentarily turned towards Joshua as the child began to fuss.

"Thanks," John Paul replied, his shoulders dropping slightly as he quickly removed himself to the kitchen, already gone before Craig looked up again and so missing the look of disappointment on Craig's face when he realised the blonde man had already gone.

They talked so little lately and Craig missed him. He could already predict the events of the evening, John Paul would eat in the kitchen and then spend a few hours sat in front of the TV until bed time, at which point he would get into bed and instantly turn away from Craig with a quietly whispered "goodnight."

He just couldn't understand why John Paul was so removed from him, or what he could do to put it right.

Taking his meal from the oven John Paul sat at the kitchen table, eating the food without really tasting it. He could already predict the events of the evening, Craig would spend the whole time watching over Joshua, leaving John Paul no source of entertainment but the TV until he finally had enough and crawled into their bed, but even then there would be no respite as the child's cot was beside the bed, giving John Paul no option but to turn away from the man he desired so completely and say his goodnight.

It was as if Craig didn't want or need him anymore, and John Paul was scared of the day when Craig would tell him as much.

His meal consumed John Paul slouched unenthusiastically into the living room, Craig was nowhere to be seen and John Paul walked over to Joshua's carry cot, smiling down on the sleeping child.

John Paul's feelings for the baby were so complicated, and growing more so the more time passed. There was no question that he loved the child as if he were his own, he would lay down his life to protect Joshua without a moments hesitation but it wasn't that simple. As much as he hated to admit it there was a growing resentment building, a jealousy that no matter how hard he tried to fight it John Paul could not deny. Before Joshua he knew that Craig's heart and soul belonged to him, now John Paul wasn't even certain he held a place in his fiancés heart at all, was there room for anyone else while the man was so completely obsessed with his nephew?

Reaching his hand into the cot John Paul stroked Joshua's cheek gently. The baby boy stirred at his touch making John Paul's smile widen, Joshua was so perfect, so perfectly innocent and John Paul just wished that they could be the family he had once believed.

"John Paul don't wake him," Craig said as he walked into the room, "He's been fussing all day, I've not long since got him settled."

"Sorry," John Paul replied, his hand snatched back from the child as if he had been caught touching some priceless artefact, "I was just saying 'hello' to him."

Without another word John Paul fell into the single armchair and flicked on the television, ensuring the volume was not sufficient enough to wake the sleeping baby.

Craig sighed as he looked into the cot, assuring himself that Joshua had not been disturbed. Why did John Paul only ever show any interest in the child at the most inconvenient time?

Kai mewed with annoyance as Craig dropped back onto the sofa, unsettling his peace for a moment until he curled back against the man's leg and resumed his slumber.

* * *

Mikhail could tell by John Paul's face that nothing had improved the instant the man walked into the room for their weekly session.

"I think I should move out!" John Paul announced as he took the chair facing his counsellor, his eyes not managing to connect with the other man's.

"That's a big decision in the space of a week," Mikhail replied calmly. "Want to tell me what's happened for you to come to this revelation?"

"Nothing!" John Paul replied, his eyes downcast and his shoulders hunched over in defeat. "That's the point though… nothing! It's like… Craig and me… we're just occupying the same space but that's all… whatever else we had between us… I guess it wasn't just Simon that was killed by that bus." John Paul laughed, a cold bitter sound, "Looks like Simon got what he wanted in the end."

"So you're going to move out?"

"Yeah!"

"And then what?"

"Sorry?"

"I'm just curious to know what you think happens after that."

"I dunno… I give Craig the chance to move on… find someone else… whatever, it doesn't matter."

"But it does…"

"What?"

"Matter. Why else are you here if it doesn't matter? John Paul I'm not in the business of telling people what to do but I am here to try and help them… help you… make the right decision."

"And I am…" John Paul insisted. "It is right."

"For who?"

"Everyone!"

"Is it the right thing," Mikhail asked, "Or the easy thing?"

"Easy?" John Paul almost shouted, his hands clenched into tight fists. "You think leaving Craig would be easy? For fucks sake I love him so much the very idea makes me want to…"

"Want to what?"

"To… to grab hold of him and never let go and… and… and you can wipe that look off your face you smug bastard!" John Paul couldn't hold back the small laugh at the look of satisfaction on Mikhail's face.

Mikhail smiled gently. "John Paul there have been times when people have come to me trying to salvage relationships that are long past saving, and then there are those who just need putting back on the right path… You've just told me what you really want to do… so why not do it?"

"Do what?"

"Grab hold of Craig and tell him just what you told me…"

"But what if he doesn't feel the same way anymore?"

"But what if he does?"

* * *

John Paul stood at the front door for a moment taking deep steadying breaths to calm his shaking hands. He couldn't believe how close he had come to just giving up and walking away, how he had managed to let things get so bad between him and the man he loved that walking out had seemed like a viable option. He had even gone as far as looking for somewhere else to live, not that anywhere had seemed as appealing as the home he shared with Craig.

The two men had slipped into a strange form of stagnation that was slowly suffocating the passion that had once made their relationship sparkle with life, but talking to Mikhail had made one thing perfectly clear to John Paul, the one thing he had allowed to become bogged down in everything else.

He loved Craig Dean with ever fibre of his existence and he would fight with every last ounce of strength to keep what they had, no not keep, to regain it, to go get them back on track and not give in to the distractions that almost stolen everything from them.

Simon would not win, he would not take this from John Paul, he would not take his family away.

Striding into the house John Paul felt a strange confidence about him. It was as if he had forgotten how life with Craig had once been but Mikhail had let him, made him, remember and he knew that his life with Craig and his love for Craig would never be over. He just prayed that he hadn't left it too late and that Craig did still feel the same. John Paul knew that his own uncertainties had helped to push Craig away and now he had to pull him back.

"John Paul, you're home early," Craig said with a smile as the blonde man stepped into the living room. Some days, while John Paul was at work, Craig would daydream about his lover coming home early, the two of them tumbling about in a mass of naked flesh on the stairs; unable to contain themselves enough to get up to the bedroom. But that had never happened, Craig had never suggested it and John Paul had never shown any interest in the dark haired man for weeks. "Is everything OK?" Craig's brow furrowed as John Paul approached; there was a steely determination in John Paul's brilliant blue eyes that Craig found a little unnerving.

"We need to talk," John Paul said firmly, closing the lid of the laptop and unceremoniously lifting Kai from the sofa so that he could take a seat beside Craig, the cat mewing his annoyance before stalking away with his tail raised high in the air as if to say 'I was going anyway.'

"Don't," Craig said in a small voice, his soft brown eyes overcast with sorrow.

"Don't what?"

"Don't go…"

"What?"

"Don't leave… please…"

"Leave? You... you knew I was thinking about leaving?"

"I saw you looking at flats in the local paper the other day… I know things have been hard lately but please…"

"You never said anything," John Paul said, his hand instinctively reaching for Craig's, finding them trembling as much as his own.

"Neither did you," Craig replied.

"No… no I didn't… and yes I was thinking about it… but I'm not going anywhere… there's nowhere else I want to be… no one I want to be with… We do need to talk though, about everything…"

As if on cue Joshua began to grumble in his sleep, not quite crying but threatening to at any moment.

Craig turned to the child but was pulled back by John Paul's firm grip.

"Leave him," John Paul said calmly, his eyes fixed with Craig's as he waited to see the man's reaction.

"What?"

"Leave him… he's OK."

"But…"

"Craig babies will cry, children will fall of their bikes and cut their knees and teenagers will get their hearts broken… Joshua will need you all of those times but what use will you be to him if you're exhausted because you jump at every sound? Sometimes it's OK just to let him cry… you can't watch over him 24 hours a day… it's not doing you any good… and it's not doing us any good… but you know more importantly it isn't doing Joshua any good. You can't be there for him every second of the day and you'll drive yourself mad trying."

Turning his head to look at the baby for a second, warm tears began to tumble from Craig's eyes as he looked back at the man he loved, the realisation of how close he had come to losing him finally hitting him like a blow to the heart.

"I just got so scared," Craig said between soft sobs. "If anything ever happened to him… when he was gone I was so sure we'd never see him again and I… I couldn't bare it… I love him so much and Debbie trusted me to take care of him…"

"Debbie trusted US to take care of him," John Paul said, his hand wiping away Craig's tears affectionately, "And we are doing Craig… Look at that little boy… he's happy, he's healthy and he's loved… what else do you think Debbie wanted for him?"

"I... I just..." Craig stammered, not really sure what it was he even wanted to say. His love for Joshua was the like of which Craig had never known before, to have someone so small and so fragile relying on him was a terrifying situation, and to have Debbie's trust in her brother added to that increased the pressure ten-fold, he didn't want to let them down but he realised that by putting all of his time and effort into Joshua he had no time left for the other person he loved. "I just want to take good care of him..."

"And you are," John Paul said with a reassuring smile. "Look."

Craig turned back to the cot, following the direction of John Paul's nod, to see Joshua sleeping peacefully, his momentary disturbance already forgotten.

"Craig, stop trying to be Superman," John Paul said with a grin, "And let me help."

"You still want to?"

"Of course... why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know... you just seem... sometimes I've seen you looking at Joshua like you're afraid to go near him!"

John Paul nodded his understanding, the memory of the small child holding the blood covered knife momentarily passing across his mind.

"When I said we needed to talk I didn't just mean about you being over-protective of Joshua... I'm just as much to blame for things going off the rails as you are... I guess I was just trying to ignore things in the hope that they would go away..."

"John Paul? What things? What's happened?"

Taking a slow deep breath John Paul tightened his hold on Craig's hands. "I've been seeing a counsellor... for a few weeks now..."

"About us?"

"Partly... and about Joshua... and Simon..."

"I thought... after the accident you just never mentioned him... I should have asked... I..."

"No Craig, I should have said... it was all too easy to pretend that it was all over... to brush it under the carpet and make out like nothing had happened... But seeing Simon hit by that bus... seeing what he had become I felt..."

"Felt what?"

"Responsible."

"John Paul that's crazy," Craig reassured his boyfriend. "None of what happened was your fault, Simon was... was damaged... nothing any of us could have done would have changed that..."

"I know," John Paul said, "I mean now I think I know... but for a while... I did care for him once and I can't just pretend that what I did to him didn't have any effect... I just never knew how fragile he was... If I had... I can't help but wish I had done things differently..."

"We can't change the past..."

"No we can't... but I think it's time to try and stop it ruining our future..."

Leaning back against the sofa the two men settled down to talk.

John Paul finally managed to admit his fears, telling Craig about the nightmare that had haunted him night after night until he could hardly stand it. While Craig explained how the thought of leaving Joshua in someone else's care made the man feel physically sick, and how having the child out of his sight for even a few minutes would start the panic and paranoia rising.

They talked in a way they hadn't done for a long time, not noticing the time pass and not jumping at every small noise that came from Joshua's cot, the child only getting the attention he needed when his piercing cries announced it was time for him to be fed.

With a warmed bottle of milk in one hand Craig walked back into the living room, paused and, instead of scooping the baby from his cot, he handed the bottle to John Paul.

"Can you feed him?" Craig asked, a little uncertainty lurking deep inside his chocolate brown eyes, but an uncertainty that was overruled by something far more important. "I've got something to do."

Settling Joshua onto his lap John Paul offered the baby his bottle and within seconds the room was silent save for the child's contented slurping.

"What is it you have to do?" John Paul asked curiously.

"You were right," Craig said, bending down to kiss the top of John Paul's head and brushing a gentle finger over Joshua's cheek. "It's time I moved Joshua back into the nursery."

* * *

"So are you ever going to tell me?" John Paul asked, one arm casually encircling his boyfriends waist as they stood together in the early morning sun.

The warmth and stillness of the air gave a feeling of calm and peace, as if the horrors they had been through were nothing more than a nightmare and now, newly awoken from it, it could be resigned to being merely a bad dream.

Craig smiled as he waved a small honey bee away from his face, not so long ago he felt on the verge of losing everything that mattered to him but now he had it all, and more. He didn't want to risk tempting fate but he really couldn't see how life could possibly get any more perfect.

"Tell you what?" Craig said in response to the blondes question, his mouth curled into a cheeky smile as he turned his face to brush a soft kiss against John Paul's satin soft cheek.

"You know what!" John Paul replied, his voice was light and musical, full of laughter and life but even more than that, full of love. "One minute your mum is about to fight us for custody of Joshua and the next she's giving us the money she and Jack got from selling the pub to put towards this place! So exactly how did you make her change her mind?"

The two men stood silently looking at their new house, their new home, the 'For Sale' sign already pulled down and lying broken on the ground.

Craig had originally ruled out the property when he first saw it, only returning to it once he had reached the bottom of the pile of the houses sent by the Estate Agents. Located just outside of Henley on Thames in Harpsden Bottom it had once been a granary.

The group of houses were located off a private road giving added security, which had appealed to Craig, the property further secluded by the large gardens which were entered via electric gates and fence. The sloping gardens leading to dense woodland, which was full of deer.

Entering through double doors was the large spacious reception hall, which gave out into a cloakroom, sitting room, drawing room, study, dining room, kitchen and breakfast room and the utility room. Upstairs the sweeping staircase led to five bedrooms, three with private bathrooms. The master bedroom contained its own dressing room and walk in wardrobe. Joshua's nursery was located adjacent.

The detached double garage allowed Craig ample room for his new sports car, a somewhat indulgent extravagance that Craig had treated himself to when his new business landed its first lucrative contract and something that he was about to return when he realised that the money could be put to better use until John Paul insisted he keep it.

Even Frankie had signalled her approval of the house by announcing her son had 'finally made it' when she visited, offering her advice as to how each room could be furnished even though she knew that the men would smile and nod before decorating it to their taste, which was far simpler than hers.

Of course, for Craig the fact that the residents had private security, something that would finally allow him and John Paul a chance to breathe, was the clincher on the deal. The only fly in the ointment had been when they realised the required deposit was more than they had budgeted for and, as soon as they had found the house of their dreams it felt as if they would lose it. Neither man could have anticipated Frankie's generous offer, the woman insisting that they take it even as they tried to refuse, her grandson deserved the best possible home.

The previous owners had called the home 'Shanti' which the man decided to keep, once they found out it meant peace. It was near enough to London to commute, and close enough to schools that they wanted Joshua to attend. Strangely, Craig finally thought he had a home for the first time since leaving for Trinity and John Paul stopped thinking of his mother's house back in Hollyoaks as home.

This was home now. Their home. For their family.

"I didn't," Craig said finally.

"What?"

"Mum... I didn't change her mind."

"So who did?" John Paul asked, his brow creased with lines of confusion.

Turning to face his boyfriend, his fiancée, the man who was his life, Craig smiled as he took John Paul's hands in his own.

"You did," he said simply.

"What?"

"You changed mum's mind," Craig replied, tightening his hold on John Paul's hands and leaning in to kiss the man's lips tenderly. "Because you're amazing!"

* * *

"There's my boy," Frankie cooed, scooping Joshua from his cot, where he had been sleeping soundly, and holding him close to her chest.

"And I always thought I was your boy!" Craig teased lightly, sighing inwardly at the baby's disrupted sleep as his mother settled onto the sofa, bouncing the child on her lap.

"Course you are," Frankie replied, patting her youngest son's cheek affectionately, "But this little man is something special... he's Granny's little angel."

In the weeks that Joshua had been back home Frankie had been a regular visitor to the house and, while Craig couldn't blame his mother for wanting to see the child, her visits were just one more thing adding to the strain on his already fragile relationship with John Paul which, although being on the road to recovery, still needed time to heal. Joshua had hardly been back with them any time at all before Frankie reiterated her plans to fight for custody.

"When do you plan on telling me what happened Craig?" Frankie asked once Joshua's eyes had grown heavy and she had reluctantly returned him to his cot.

"I don't know what you mean," Craig replied with a shrug.

"Come on Craig, I'm not stupid... I know you're keeping something from me..."

"You know what happened mum... Lamia took Joshua and then the police got a call where they where and went and got him... that's all there is to it."

"You never could lie to me Craig... not even when you were little... a mother can tell these things... So tell me... what exactly happened to my grandson?"

"I don't know what you..." Craig stopped, Frankie was right, he never had been able to lie to her, even the smallest untruth had left him a stammering mess before his mother but something as serious as the truth behind Joshua's abduction was too much for him to cover up. "Does it matter mum? He's safe now."

"Of course it matters... Craig my grandson was missing, taken, anything could have happened to him... I wasn't even sure I would see him again... I think I deserve to know the truth now don't you?"

Covering his face with his hands for a moment Craig tool a deep breath. Frankie was right, she did deserve to know the truth, even if that truth was enough to add fuel to her desire to take Joshua away forever.

"You... you remember John Paul's ex? Simon?"

"That monster! I am hardly going to be able to forget about the man who tried to kill my son... oh no Craig... don't tell me he was involved in all this? I thought he was locked up after what he did to you."

"He was," Craig said slowly, settling back into the sofa as he prepared to tell his mother everything, "But they released him... he fooled them all into thinking he was better and... and then he contacted John Paul again..."

Frankie's face grew more and more ashen as her son filled in all of the details that led to her grandson being taken from his home, shocking her with the depths and cunning of Simon's plans but even more than that, she was stunned by the level of hatred that had driven the man to commit his crimes.

Once Craig had finished talking Frankie looked visibly shaken, her hands trembled around the hot tea that her son brought her, her teeth rattling against the rim of the cup as she tried to take a sip forcing her to place it down on the coffee table.

"I can't believe all of that was going on and you never said," Frankie said finally, her hand reaching into Joshua's cot to reassure herself that the child really was there and that he was safe.

"I didn't want to worry you..."

"And what if something had happened to you?"

"But it didn't and we're all fine."

"John Paul just went and moved in with that monster?"

"It's not like he wanted to mum," Craig said, his dark chocolate eyes flashing with pain at the memory. "What choice did we have?"

"But after everything he just walked back into that man's house?"

"What else could we do? We were desperate... John Paul didn't want to be with him... he didn't want..."

"No that's not what I mean," Frankie said, taking a tight hold of her sons hand, squeezing it tightly. "John Paul could have... risking being alone with that madman he could have... Craig he could have been killed!"

"You think we didn't know that?"

"Then why..?"

With a smile Craig nodded towards the cot. "For him mum... we did it for him. I know you don't think we're the right people to raise Joshua but you have to believe that we would do anything for that boy ... anything... I would die to keep Joshua safe... and so would John Paul."

Frankie looked at her son with a new found realisation. He wasn't the foolish reckless child he had once been, Frankie simply hadn't noticed him growing up. Craig was a man, a grown man who would lay down his life for the child he loved, and Frankie understood that feeling all to well, she had felt the same from the moment each of her own children had been born.

"He risked his life," Frankie said, almost to herself, as she finally allowed herself to see past the prejudices that had made her fight her son's custody of her grandson.

"Mum I love Joshua, more than I could ever love anyone... and so does John Paul... Debbie asked us to care for him because she knew we could... but more than that, because she knew we would make sure he never wanted for anything in his life... and I know you still struggle with me and John Paul... and if you want to go for custody of Joshua well then I guess that's something you have to do - just like we will have to fight you every step of the way... But mum think about it... you and Jack... well you're..."

"Go on say it," Frankie said with a smile. "We're old... too old to be parents again... Joshua will soon be wanting to run around the park kicking a football... not pushing a wheelchair! Joshua deserves to be cared for by people who still have the energy to play..."

Craig smiled, hardly able to believe what his mother was saying, waiting for her to take it back at any second. "And you deserve to be his grandmother," Craig said kindly. "You worked hard enough raising us... you don't have to do that again... you don't need to."

"I'm just a silly old woman aren't I?"

"No mum, no you're not..."

"I only want the best for him..."

"That's the thing mum... we all do."

"Jack said you two were a fine pair of men... and Joshua would do well as the two of you as examples."

Craig beamed with pride. "Did he really?"

"I won't fight for custody Craig... but if anything ever happens to my grandson..."

"It won't... and you know you can see him whenever you want... and maybe he could stay overnight with you sometimes?"

"To give you and John Paul a bit of time alone?"

Craig shrugged, his cheeks flushing slightly with embarrassment as Frankie laughed softly. Pulling her son into a warm embrace, Frankie couldn't remember the last time she had held her youngest child, he might be a grown man now but he would always be her baby.

* * *

"Oi lazy!" Craig said as he picked up a cushion from the floor and threw it at John Paul's head, making the blonde man's eyes snap open.

"What was that for?" John Paul asked with a pout.

"You are supposed to be unpacking in here," Craig said with a gesture around the room, which was filled with still sealed packing cases and half opened suitcases, "Not having a nap..."

"But the bed looked so inviting... come on... you know you want a lie down too."

"John Paul we've been here for a month now and the only things we've properly unpacked are Joshua's... we agreed that while he's away at mum and Jack's for the weekend we'd get the place sorted. I'm sick of living out of suitcases."

"I know," John Paul agreed. Only a few months ago the idea of Frankie and Jack moving to the nearby town of Marlow would have filled him with a sense of dread but surprisingly enough it had been far more of a blessing than a curse. He didn't know if it was Jack's influence or Craig's but Frankie had so far managed not to intrude on their lives on a daily basis, even phoning to check it was convenient for her to visit. But the biggest advantage had been a babysitter always willing and always convenient, and more importantly probably the only one that Craig would feel comfortable leaving the baby with for some time yet. "But we've got all weekend," John Paul continued. "A little rest won't hurt will it?" John Paul patted the bed beside him. "Come on you know you want to!"

"You are a bad influence McQueen," Craig laughed as he kicked off his trainers and lay down beside the blonde man. "But we are gonna get this place sorted out if it kills us... well you!"

John Paul grinned as Craig lay on his side facing him. "We'll get it done, stop worrying... you'll get wrinkles!"

"I do not have wrinkles," Craig said, his hand touching his brow to confirm his claims.

"You will if you keep frowning," John Paul teased. "And besides you DO know what today is don't you?"

Craig shrugged. "Friday?"

"No... well yes but more than just Friday..."

Craig shook his head with non comprehension.

"It's the Friday of the first whole weekend where we have the house to ourselves... just us... no interruptions..."

"So it is," Craig replied as he realised exactly what John Paul meant. While neither of them would ever choose not to have Joshua in their lives there had been times when the child had picked the most inconvenient times to cry for attention, screaming until they had no option but to see to him. "And what exactly did you have in mind Mr McQueen?"

"Well Mr Dean," John Paul said with a deep throaty laugh. "I was thinking of luring my boyfriend onto the bed with the promises of an afternoon nap..."

"Only promises?" Craig grinned. "You mean you would have ulterior motives?"

"Oh of course!"

"Such as..."

"Well you see once he's all comfortable and relaxed..."

"Yeah?"

"I plan to seduce him!"

"Do you now?"

"Very much so... in fact..."

"In fact?"

"In fact I plan to fuck him slow and deep... and then hard and fast... I'm gonna make him come so hard that he can't even remember his own name."

"Really?" Craig swallowed heavily. John Paul's words were heavy with lust, a lust that sparkled deep inside his brilliant blue eyes, making Craig's jeans grow tighter with each syllable.

"Do you think he'd like that?" John Paul asked as he moved a little closer to Craig, his fingers playing with the hem of the brunette's t-shirt, lifting it up just a fraction to expose his taught tanned stomach.

"A-ha..." Craig confirmed, his Adam's apple dancing in his throat as he swallowed, lifting himself up so that John Paul could pull the t-shirt off over his head.

"Do you think I could make him beg for it though?" John Paul asked as he lowered his mouth to Craig's chest, kissing the hot skin gently, his tongue swirling around nipples that hardened to his touch. "Because I love to hear him beg for it... to hear him moan when I push my dick into him... to look into his eyes as I fuck him and know he's completely mine..."

"You are pure evil... you know that," Craig gasped helplessly, his cock aching to be touched and his arse twitching at the thought of being filled.

"Who me?" John Paul asked, smiling innocently as he sat upright to pull his top off over his head and fling it across the room. "There's not an evil bone in my body... it's all your fault after all!"

"Mine? And how do you work that one out?"

Pushing Craig onto his back John Paul straddled his hips and pinned his hands above his head, lowering himself so that the heat of his words bathed Craig's face.

"Because you're so fucking gorgeous of course," John Paul explained with a kiss to the tip of Craig's nose. "Just the very sight of you does bad things to me." John Paul lightly pressed a kiss to Craig's eyelids. "The smell of your skin makes me want to taste you." Craig moaned softly as John Paul kissed his cheeks before running his tongue over the stubble coated edge of his jaw line. "But then once I taste you even that isn't enough... I want to consume you... be a part of you... be inside you..." Craig's lips parted gladly as John Paul's tongue pushed between them, exploring the depths of his lovers mouth as he lay his weight on top of the other man, grinding his hips to create an exquisite friction in their groins as the heat of their passion grew steadily.

"Of course," John Paul teased, pulling himself up to sit back on his heels so that he looked down on Craig's body, "If you have any objections I could always stop!"

Shaking his head gently with a small laugh Craig reached up for John Paul's belt, unfastening it in a flash before making just as short work of the buttons that held his jeans closed and kept his cock too far away for Craig's liking.

John Paul raised himself up, allowing Craig to ease his jeans and underwear down just enough to free his already hardened cock to the air.

"Well what do we have here?" Craig said with a lascivious grin.

"If you don't know by now then I must have been doing something wrong!"

"Maybe I just need a reminder!"

Leaning forward John Paul ran his tongue over Craig's lips, dipping into his mouth and then sweeping over his teeth. "You have such a gorgeous mouth... so hot and wet and..."

"And?"

Grinning John Paul shuffled forward, with one hand leaning against the wall and the other holding his erection he touched the tip of his cock to Craig's lips, the man's mouth opening at the first touch, his tongue darting out to taste the juices he was arousing.

"And so fucking good..." John Paul finished, directing his cock into Craig's open mouth, gasping as it closed around him and began to suck.

Looking down John Paul was mesmerised by the sight of his cock slipping in and out of Craig's beautiful mouth, the man's soft lips wrapped firmly around it as his dancing tongue added to the pleasure. It was almost enough to make him come then and there and finally, reluctantly, he pulled back, moving to the edge of the bed so that he could cast of the remainder of his clothes before stripping Craig fully of his.

"Turn over," John Paul instructed, grabbing the pillows and stuffing them under Craig's belly as he lay face down. "Gorgeous," John Paul's hands stroked the soft but firm flesh of his lover's buttocks, squeezing them before leaning forward to plant a kiss and then a bite that was hard enough to make Craig gasp and leave a red mark on his skin.

Kneeling behind his boyfriend John Paul eased Craig's cheeks apart, leaning forward to blow a slow warm stream of air against the delightfully hole hidden between, watching as it seemed to pulse and vibrate in time to his breaths.

Craig gasped at the feeling of John Paul's warm hot tongue sweeping over his flesh and swirling around the already excited hole, groaning as it pushed firmly against his opening, demanding and quickly granted entrance.

John Paul lapped at Craig's hole, feeling it relax and open before him, allowing his tongue in deeper, using a stabbing motion that made Craig's fingers and toes curl in excited pleasure.

"Oh god John Paul..." Craig gasped after a few moments of the blonde attentions had driven him to new levels of desire and desperation.

"Say it," John Paul said as he reached over to the bedside cabinet to grab the small bottle they kept there, pouring some of its oily contents over his hard hungry cock before pressing it against Craig's aroused hole but not hard enough to breach the tight ring of muscle.

"John Paul please..."

"Say it... you know how I love to hear you say it..."

"Please... fuck John Paul please just fuck me..."

"You sure?"

"YES!"

"Really?"

"Just fucking DO IT!"

John Paul couldn't keep the grin from his face as he eased his cock slowly into Craig's hot tight body, feeling every inch of it open up before him. Was there anything more exciting in life than hearing Craig begging to be fucked? If there was John Paul had never witnessed it.

"Oh god..." Craig panted, the familiar pleasured pain coursing through his body as the hardness of John Paul plunged inside him, stretching him and filling him with such perfection, they really were made to fit together.

John Paul's fingers gripped tightly onto Craig's hips as he began to move, slowly at first, in and out, inch by delicious inch, flesh pleasuring flesh until that was all there was in the world, his speed increasing in time with his level of desire and the moans that fell erotically from Craig's lips.

"Oh god Craig you feel amazing... I... god I love you..."

Quickly pulling out of his lover John Paul flipped the man onto his back, hoisting Craig's legs up and re-entering him again with barely a pause so that he could look into the eyes of the man he was making love to.

Leaning down John Paul showered Craig's face with kisses before finding the man's mouth, their lips hot and hungry in passion as John Paul thrust harder and faster inside his lover.

"Oh fuck," Craig groaned, reaching down his hand to grab at his hard throbbing cock, his action halted as John Paul grabbed his wrists and pinned his arms above his head.

"Not yet," John Paul insisted, his voice shaking and breathless as he felt his whole body trembling and shuddering with his approaching climax, his bright blue eyes locking with Craig's rich chocolate ones, their love reflected back and forth between them into eternity. "Craig... oh fuck Craig!" John Paul's voice seemed to echo around the room as he shook with the power of his orgasm, his cock pulsing and throbbing load after hot sticky load into his lover's body until he felt completely spent.

Panting and with a huge smile John Paul let go of Craig's wrists as he reluctantly pulled his satisfied cock from his lover, his gaze lowering to Craig's still prominent erection.

Grabbing the bottle of lubricant again John Paul coated Craig's cock liberally, the touch eliciting moans of desperation from the brunette, which turned into gasps of surprise and pleasure as John Paul repositioned himself above Craig's cock, holding it upright as he lowered himself down slowly, grimacing momentarily as his unprepared flesh was breached.

"Fuck me Craig," John Paul demanded, his eyes sparkling, urging Craig onwards.

Craig was panting, his brown glistening with sweat as he raised his hips, driving his cock deep, feeling the tight velvety grip of John Paul's flesh.

"Harder," John Paul insisted. "Faster... come on Craig... come in me... I want to feel you fill me with you come..."

"Oh fuck John Paul!"

"Yeah that's right... fuck him hard!"

Grabbing at John Paul's neck Craig pulled the man down roughly, kissing him ferociously and with hunger as the sound of skin against skin filled the room, followed moments later by an animalistic growl as Craig's cock saluted his lover's skills with its passionate tribute. And John Paul had fulfilled his promise, at that moment if Craig had been asked he wouldn't have been certain of his own name.

Lying together, satisfied and content, their fingers lazily entwined the two men took the time to just look at each other, to just enjoy their time together, time that the had almost lost.

"We can't lie here forever," Craig said lazily. "We still have to get that unpacking done."

"I know," John Paul agreed with a sigh. "However..."

"However?"

"Well it IS traditional."

"What is?"

"To christen every room of a new house!"

"Every room?"

"OK maybe not Joshua's..." John Paul said with a laugh. "We could start with the bathroom... I fancy a shower... well I fancy YOU in a shower!"

"McQueen you are insatiable."

"And don't you love it?" John Paul said grabbing Craig's hand as they raced into the bathroom.


	8. Chapter 8

Rustling trees and the sound of river provided the backdrop for Henley on Thames. The sky was a grey blue, the sun shimmering through a few fluffy clouds. Over the horizon the square tower of the old church dominated, the bridge and river melding into a quaint and panoramic view.

The church of Saint Mary the Virgin was lofty and large, almost giving the presence of a cathedral with its ample side chapels, rather than that of a parish church. Stepping inside there was both a sense of community and severity, the austere stone floors and detailed Victorian mural providing the setting of a typical English parish church. The spring light hit the magnificent, detailed stained glass shimmering through to break up the shadows, which clung to the carved Latin inscriptions.

There was something tranquil about the building, something timeless despite little remaining of the older church.

Walking up the aisle, his tweed jacket tightly pulled over his portly frame, the senior vicar seemed flustered. The voices of the two men behind him seemed to echo, like loud cries and shouts, despite the fact that the men were desperate to maintain a 'low voice' within the hallowed walls.

Jeremiah Bronwich had always wanted to be a vicar. His large round frame, his bald head (save for the few tufts of silver-white hair around his ears), and his strong conservative nature had the makings of a traditional parish priest. The problem, he found, was that his traditional views were fast disappearing – and as he resisted retirement more and more he was questioning where he stood. He didn't believe in divorce, he didn't believe in having children outside of marriage and he certainly didn't agree with… perhaps he should have been a catholic he often mused.

"Will you baptise him or won't you?" asked Craig, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

"It's not that object to baptising any child," Jeremiah swallowed, removing a white handkerchief from his breast pocket and dabbing the few beads of sweat away from his forehead. "What I am asking is why you wish to have him baptised. Baptism is a solemn occasion, not an excuse for a party. It is undertaken by… by…"

"By?" John Paul interrupted.

"Parents or guardians wishing to establish their child within the Christian faith and its teachings."

"And we're…?" Craig trailed off.

"I am sorry, but I must question if you are either of those… I don't mean to insult you, but are either of your Christian? Are either of you going to be bringing up the little one in a Christian household because your lifestyles…"

"So because we're together you don't think we should have him baptised? What is he dirty or something? Not entitled to something because he's being brought up by two men?" Craig's olive skin flashed with anger.

"I didn't say that. But what are your motives? Maybe when he's older, he could decide for himself if he wishes to identify?"

"Do you say that to everyone who asks you to baptise their child?" John Paul quizzed.

"I am sorry," Jeremiah smiled, "but he isn't your child is he?"

"That is hardly through choice," Craig said, his teeth gnashing together as he fought to keep his anger in check. "You don't think we wouldn't rather have his mother planning his baptism, or his first birthday, or what school to send him to? But we don't have that luxury, Joshua won't ever get to know his mother and all we are trying to do is plan this one day for him... to celebrate the fact that he's here with us because my sister isn't here to do that for him anymore..."

"I... I realise that," Jeremiah replied, his eyes filled with the sorrowful understanding of a man who had witness many families grief in his time. "And I am sorry but..."

"But you still won't do it because we don't fit in with your neat little idea of what a family should be... so much for a loving church... you sicken me... this whole system sickens me..."

Turning on his heels Craig stormed from the church, his footsteps echoing loudly in the otherwise silent building.

Watching his lover exit the church John Paul turned his face to the aging Vicar, shaking his head in disappointment.

"I'm sorry," Jeremiah said with a shrug as the blonde man's blue eyes regarded him coolly.

"You know we might not be the most religious people in the world," John Paul said, his voice calm but filled with regret, "I'm sure not many of the families who celebrate the important things in their lives in your church are... but I'm not totally ignorant of the bible... my mother made sure of that... we had to learn quotes and stuff at school when I was a kid... funny how some of those things stick with you... and one thing I always remembered went something like nobody saw God at any time, but if you love one another then you saw God... if you're too busy saying everything is wrong and judging how can you ever know God. I'm sorry that you don't think that small boy is worthy of being baptised here... sorry for you."

Without another word John Paul turned and followed Craig from the church, his soft footsteps somehow seeming to ring even louder than the angry stamping feet of his boyfriend.

Jeremiah stood for some time after the men had left his church, his eyes fixed on the large wooden doors and yet not really seeing them. The blonde man's words echoed in his head, almost as if the walls of the church had held them in the building, replaying them over and over on a loop.

Walking over to the lectern Jeremiah thumbed quickly through the pages of his old and well worn bible, noticing the signs of age prominent on the back of his hands. Finding the correct page Jeremiah's eyes searched out the passage, 1 John 4:12, he ran his fingers over the words as he read them out loud.

"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

* * *

"Craig... Craig calm down," John Paul said as he watched his boyfriend angrily pace the centre of their living room, back and forth, each step filled with anger and frustration as he raged against the unfairness of the situation.

Reaching out John Paul grabbed Craig's arm, bringing the man to a halt as he looked into the burning fire of Craig's deep brown eyes. "Just calm down!"

"Did you hear what that man said?" Craig said, the fire in his eyes suddenly extinguished by unexpected tears. "Are we doing the wrong thing?"

"What? Trying to get Joshua baptised?"

"No," Craig said, throwing himself heavily onto the sofa with a sigh. "All of it... raising him... trying to be a family..."

"Of course that's not wrong... we're giving that little boy a loving home... what's wrong in that?"

"But John Paul... if even the local vicar won't baptise him because of us what else is he going to have to face? The boy at school with the two daddy's... you know what kids are like, they'll pick on anything that stands out as different..."

"Oh Craig..." Sitting down John Paul took hold of Craig's shaking hands, holding them firmly. "Of course sometimes things will be hard... that's just part of growing up... if it's not because of us there would be something else... but Joshua will be loved and protected and we will do everything in our power to make sure he's happy..."

"But is it enough?"

"It has to be... Debbie is counting on us."

"But what if mum had been right all along? What if Joshua would be better off with her?"

"Do you love him Craig?"

"Of course I do... you don't have to ask me that!"

"Do you wish that Debbie had never asked us? Do you resent him being here? Would you prefer that he wasn't?" John Paul's eyes were gentle and understanding, he already knew the answers to the questions because his answers were the same.

"Of course not," Craig replied, the last of his anger draining from his voice.

"There will be times when things are hard, but any family goes through that... and that's what we are Craig... a family. So one vicar disapproves... so what? How about we call the vicar back in Marylebone and see if he's still willing to do it eh?"

"I guess," Craig said with a shrug. "I just wanted it to be there you know? This is our home now, we should be able to have Joshua baptised in the local church."

"I know..." Brushing a light kiss over Craig's cheek John Paul smiled softly. "But sometimes we just have to accept these things yeah?"

Resting his head against John Paul's chest Craig breathed in the familiar fragrance of the man he loved, feeling the warmth and security as John Paul's arms wrapped tightly around him.

Peace shrouded the room and even Kai, who was sat in the doorway washing his face, chose not to disrupt it, instead he stroked his face, smoothing out his whiskers with his paws before turning back towards the kitchen to see if there had been any interesting morsel left in his dinner bowl.

The shrill peal of the telephone made the two men jump, rousing them from a slumber they hadn't realised they had fallen into.

With a grumble Craig dragged himself to his feet and walked over to the answer the call that had disturbed their peace.

"Hello?" Craig said, rubbing his eyes to dislodge the sleep that had been claiming him. "Yeah this is Craig... what? Well yeah but... of course we still want to... why the change of heart? Really... no, no he never said... Ok yeah... yeah I'll get back to you... and thanks... no really thank you."

Hanging up the phone Craig turned to face his boyfriend, his eyes sparkling and his mouth curled into a wide smile.

"What the hell did you say?" He asked as he made his way back to the sofa.

"What? When?"

"That was the vicar... he's had a change of heart... wants to see us to discuss dates..."

"Oh Craig that's brilliant news."

"Yeah it is... so what DID you say, McQueen?" a slight worried look flashed through Craig's eyes, hoping it was the McQueen charm rather than the McQueen temper that had swayed the vicar.

* * *

"You do know he'll never forgive us for this," Craig laughed as he raised the camera to capture the image of John Paul with Joshua cradled in his arms.

"What?" John Paul replied with a grin, "He looks lovely!"

Stretching up his chubby arms Joshua's hands reached for John Paul's face, his fingers patting at the man's chin, oblivious to the fact that he was dressed in a white baptism gown dotted with small blue flowers.

"John Paul he's in a dress!"

"It's a gown," John Paul replied, blowing raspberries against the baby's hands as they covered his mouth. "You don't really mind do you? Mum would be gutted if we didn't use it... she bought it special..."

Watching his boyfriend rock his nephew gently in his arms Craig was torn between a desire to laugh and cry. There were no two people in the world as important to Craig as that man and little boy, yet he couldn't stop his thoughts going to the woman who never got the chance to be a part of her son's life and Craig made a silent vow to his sister that her son would never doubt how much his mother had loved him, would always love him.

"I suppose it's traditional," Craig said as he snapped another photograph. "Besides we need something for when he starts dating..."

"Dating?"

"Yeah you know... embarrassing baby photos..."

John Paul laughed as his mind flashed forward to Joshua's teenage years and he could see the glee in Craig's mischievous eyes as he brought out the baby album, the teenage boy hiding his face as one cringe making photograph after another was revealed to his latest romantic interest.

"You're a wicked man Craig Dean!"

"You only just working that one out McQueen?"

The men's laughter was interrupted as Frankie entered the room, her eyes shining with love as she stroked one finger over Joshua's cheek.

"You three boys ready for off?" Frankie asked, her smile widening as John Paul placed the child into her arms. There had been a time when Craig's mother would have felt compelled to take Joshua from John Paul, just as he would have been determined to refuse her, but finally they had reached an understanding based on the simplest fact of all, the love for a baby who needed them, all of them.

"Myra's not here yet," Craig said, his eyes flicking towards the clock.

"She's meeting us at the church," John Paul replied with a smile, he couldn't remember a time when his mother wasn't running late for one engagement or another and, even though he didn't get to see her very often, it was good to know that some things never changed.

Jeremiah Bronwich held the small child in his arms and smiled, of all of God's miracles surely this was the most perfect, the most precious and as Joshua looked up at him the vicar knew he had made the right decision. He may not agree or ever be comfortable with the world's modern approach to families but Jeremiah could not deny every new baby's right to the blessings of the church.

Joshua had thankfully dozed through most of the service, the vicar's voice lulling him to sleep in much the same way it almost had done to his guardians, his attention only really captured when the cold water touched his head but even then he merely grumbled a little without giving in to any full blown tears.

Taking his nephew from the arms of the vicar Craig smiled and mouthed the words "thank you" to the man who had agreed to baptise the child despite his own misgivings.

"All of God's children are special," Jeremiah said to the congregation. "And each baptism I have performed in all these many years have left their print on my heart but this little boy has proved to be something extra special... I guess I will always remember my last baptism before I finally hang up my dog collar and take a long overdue retirement to the coast. I wish him and all of his family well and pray that God's blessings go with you all."

* * *

The living room bustled with people, a long table had been placed the full length of one wall and filled with the extensive buffet and selection of drinks. Craig had considered hiring a venue for the celebration following Joshua's baptism but in the end the men had preferred the idea of doing it at home, their family home.

A strange kind of truce had been reached between Myra and Frankie over the years and, although the two mothers would never be friends, their sons appreciated the fact that the women were no longer sworn enemies.

"Just look at them," Myra said, sipping at her glass of champagne and nodding towards the corner of the room. Frankie followed the other woman's gaze, her own face echoing Myra's smile as they watched the little family in the corner, the two men and the child in their care. "I think they're gonna do OK you know..."

"They're good lads," Frankie agreed. "My Debbie knew what she was doing... I wish I'd seen it sooner."

"Don't be so hard on yourself Frankie," Myra replied with surprising kindness. "You were going through a lot too... they know you only wanted the best for that little mite..."

"I guess so, I just didn't see he already had it..."

"But you do now... and now's what matters..."

"What are you two Grandma's gossiping about?" Craig asked as he approached, Joshua nestled against his chest with his eyes tightly closed and his thumb between his lips, finally giving in to the sleep he had been trying to resist for the past hour.

"Grandma's?" Myra asked with a pleased smile.

"Well yeah, that's what you are isn't it?" John Paul asked, his arm casually snaking around Craig's waist, pulling the man close to him in an affectionate but also instinctively protective manner.

Myra's smile grew as she looked at the little family, a family she was proud to be a part of and she stepped forward to press a kiss to her son's cheek and, somewhat surprisingly, repeating the action as she kissed Craig, making the brunette stammer and blush for a moment.

Raising her glass Frankie let her gaze drop to the floor. They had been through so much and yet they were still there, still strong and still together, she was ashamed to have doubted them.

"Mum?" Craig said with concern as he carefully handed the sleeping child to John Paul. "Mum are you OK? Are you crying?"

"It's nothing," Frankie sniffled, "I'm just being silly..."

"Mum tell me... what's wrong?" Craig said, his hand resting against his mother's shoulder as he looked at her with a worried frown.

"Really it's nothing," Frankie repeated as she raised her gaze to face her son, he little boy who had suddenly grown into a strong confident man. Touching her hand to Craig's face Frankie smiled. "I am proud of you, you know... I know I don't often say it... and I've not done much to show it recently..."

"Mum it doesn't matter now..."

"Yes it does," Frankie insisted. "I should have been behind you from the start... not trying to force my views onto the situation... but I am so proud of you..." Frankie turned to look at John Paul, the man she had once blamed for all the problems in her son's life. "I'm proud of both of you..."

John Paul's cheeks flushed for a moment under Frankie's praise. "Thank you," he said quietly. "That means a lot."

"That little lad's lucky to have you both," Myra said, her eyes moist with emotion. "I know you'll be the best parents he could hope for."

"You should adopt him!" Frankie's suggestion came from nowhere and three pairs of eyes turned to stare at her in surprise.

"We... we couldn't..." Craig stammered. "Could we?"

"Look at you two, how can anyone ask for more?" Frankie smiled, wiping her tears with shaking hands. "It would be what Debbie would have wanted, she was desperate for you two to adopt, and that little boy has lost a mother… give him two dads. Properly."

"I think she's right…" Myra smiled, placing her hand on Frankie's arm, her eyes reflecting the understanding that only a mother who had lost a child could.

"Look at him," Frankie nodded towards the sleeping child. "Doesn't he deserve a happy ending?"

"Don't you all?" Myra said as the two men turned to look at each other.

"Could we?" Craig asked quietly, almost afraid to imagine it might be possible.

"I don't know," John Paul replied, "I don't... I mean... maybe... we could find out..."

"Do you want to try?"

"Yeah... yeah I do!"

"Really?"

"Yeah... yeah let's go for it Craig!"

"You know what might help?" Craig said, his smile so bright and so wide it almost hurt.

"What?"

"Well I'm sure some time ago you agreed to marry me!"

"You know what I think maybe I did..."

"So what do you say McQueen? You finally gonna make an honest man of me?"

Slipping one hand behind Craig's head John Paul pulled his lover close, their lips meeting tenderly with the sleeping form of the small child held gently between them, sealing their commitment and their love.

Craig yawned with weary happiness as he bid farewell to the guests, thanking them for coming and for the many gifts they had bestowed on Joshua. It had been a perfect day, even more perfect than he had dared dream, but he was ready for all the visitors to be gone now, to be alone with John Paul and Joshua, his family.

Kissing his mother's cheek John Paul said his farewell to Myra, promising he would call more often and yes he would send her copies of the baptism photographs.

"Bye mum," Craig said as Frankie squeezed him tightly. "And thanks."

"I meant it Craig," Frankie said, gripping her son's face between her hands and kissing his face firmly. "I am very proud of you... and Debbie would be too."

"Thank you Frankie," John Paul said, exchanging a slightly awkward embrace with his soon to be mother in law.

"You look after those two," Frankie instructed, smiling in the knowledge that John Paul would do just that.

When the door finally closed both men let out a sigh of relief.

"I thought they'd never go!" Craig said, slumping down into the sofa and watching as Kai padded across the middle of the room, his tail swishing behind him in annoyance at having been refused admittance to the room all day.

"You loved every minute of it," John Paul teased, taking his place beside Craig just before Kai claimed the seat.

"It was a good day," Craig said, one hand curling into John Paul's as the other fell down to tickle the affronted cat's ears. "But I'm knackered now... and we still need to get Joshua bathed and into his pyjamas."

"He'll be OK for another ten minutes," John Paul yawned, fighting the urge to close his eyes as exhaustion clawed at him.

Almost as if the sound of his name prompted it Joshua began to stir in his carry cot, grumbling and threatening to cry at any moment.

"Or maybe not," John Paul laughed dragging himself to his feet without even pausing to think, seeing to the child's need had become automatic, instinctive, the actions of a real father.

"What's that about then?" John Paul asked, scooping the baby into his arms and rocking him gently. "Is Joshua ready for his bath time?"

Joshua gurgled at John Paul's attentions, his eyes bright and alert, flicking between the two men as Craig moved to stand beside them.

Despite his young age and despite knowing it was impossible both men would later swear that the next sound that Joshua made, the gurgle that came from his lips was too much like a word for it to be anything else.

Smiling at each other Joshua's guardians, his daddy's, looked at each other in silent agreement at what they had heard.

"K...i..."

* * *

The sun shone brightly in an almost perfectly clear blue sky, a scattering of soft white cotton wool clouds enhancing rather than marring the sky's perfection while the heat of the sun was diluted into a comfortable warmth by a cooling gentle breeze.

The two men walked barefoot across the golden beach, their toes sinking into the soft sand to savour the coolness beneath, their faces were partially hidden behind dark glasses to keep the glare of the sun out of their eyes and there was a contented silence between them as they headed back towards their hotel.

Between the men walked, or rather toddled, a small child. Like the adults he wore dark glasses but also a pale blue cap rested on his head, its peak angled to keep the sun from his face, despite the fact that his skin had been liberally coated in sunblock; there was no reason to take chances.

The child's arms reached upwards, each hand held gently but firmly by one of the men, as he stamped his feet down in the sand, kicking up small clouds of golden dust making the boy laugh with joy.

"Someone is going to sleep well tonight," Craig said with a smile as he looked down on his nephew.

"Do you mean Joshua or me?" John Paul replied with a laugh. "I don't know about you but I'm shattered... who knew building sandcastles could be so exhausting?"

"John Paul you were the one who didn't want to stop," Craig teased. "It was getting that big we could have moved into the thing!"

John Paul grinned, tilting his head so that his brilliant blue eyes could peer over the top of his sunglasses. "Well I couldn't help it," he confessed. "Joshua was enjoying it too much."

"I don't think it was just Joshua was it?"

"Maybe not! But I didn't hear you complaining either."

"Ah what's to complain about?" Craig asked, taking a deep breath of the fresh sea air. "Apart from the fact that we can't stay here forever that is!"

"Look!" Joshua said excitedly, pulling his hands away from his guardians and running forward a few paces to grasp hold of a large horn shaped shell, holding it up high for the men to inspect, the sun shimmering against its pearlescent surface. "Mine!"

Craig smiled gently as he knelt down to examine the shell, ensuring that it was not occupied before handing it back to the child. "It's very lovely."

"It's mine?" Joshua asked quizzically, his eyes hopeful behind the dark brown lens of his glasses.

"Yes Joshua it's yours," Craig confirmed, kissing the boy softly on the cheek before getting to his feet.

It hadn't been all that long ago Joshua had gone through a phase of claiming everything as his own, leading to some upset when that began to include the toys of the other children at nursery. It was gratifying to see that finally the child had understood that not everything he picked up instantly became the property of Joshua Dean. It had been a hard lesson to learn but Joshua seemed to grasp the concept when John Paul had picked up the child's favourite teddy, a large Peter Rabbit wearing a bright blue jacket with brass buttons, and claimed it as his own.

Joshua's eyes had filled with tears at the loss of his favourite toy, filling John Paul with guilt as he held the rabbit in his arms.

"That's mine," Joshua had sniffled, reaching out his arms imploringly.

"And that little train was Timothy's wasn't it?" John Paul has said calmly, causing Joshua to nod his head. "How do you think he felt when you took it off him?"

"I don't know..."

"Do you think he was sad?"

"Maybe..."

"Are you sad now that I've taken Peter?"

Joshua blinked slowly; his long lashes damp with the tears that tumbled over his cheeks as he nodded once more.

"Here you go," John Paul had said as he handed the rabbit back, ruffling the boy's hair affectionately. "It's not nice to make other people sad by taking their things... next time you want to play with someone else's toy you should ask if they mind OK?"

"OK," Joshua's arms were clamped tightly around the rabbit, holding it firmly against his chest and burying his face into its soft fluffy fur.

* * *

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Joshua, happy birthday to you!"

Joshua's face shone from the illumination of the four candles that stood atop his birthday cake, taking a deep breath he blew them out to the sounds of cheers and applause from the guests at his party.

Beaming widely Frankie removed the candles from the cake and began to cut it into small slices for her grandson and his friends, the children gathering around her with their paper plates held high, desperate for the sweet treat.

Leaning back against the living room wall Craig sighed for a moment, a hint of melancholy creeping into his chest.

"Everything OK?" John Paul asked, appearing at Craig's side as if by magic.

"I was just thinking about Debbie," Craig sighed, "She's missed so much... she should have got to do all this for him... holidays, birthdays, christmas..."

"I know," John Paul replied, his arm resting around Craig's shoulders, their heads leaning into each other as they watched the child's party played out before them. Six young boys ran through the centre of the room, the air filled with their laughter as Frankie and two of the boy's mother's called out for them to be careful.

From a gap in doorway two small feline eyes watched the party. Kai had been ushered out into the garden at the arrival of the guests and, seeing the collection of small boys he had no complaint, it had taken long enough for Joshua to learn that pulling Kai's tail was not a nice thing to do.

The one little boy Kai had begrudgingly learned to accept, and even like when Joshua tickled behind his ears, but the cat had no interest in a roomful of them. Arching his back in a stretch Kai decided to leave the human's to it, he would come back when the house was quiet again.

Joshua came to a halt before the two men who were the only parents he had ever known. His skin was a deep olive, similar to that of his uncles, currently a shade or two darker than usual having only been back from their holiday for a week. His hair was dark brown bordering on black and was currently in an unruly mess. The thing that most people noticed about him though, the thing that always drew them in, was the child's eyes. Just like Craig they were framed with long dark lashes that fanned out on his cheeks as he slept, but unlike his uncle Joshua's eyes were the brightest blue, making them stand out against the darkness of his complexion.

"Come and play hide and seek!" Joshua insisted, tugging at Craig's shirt and turning his pleading eyes to John Paul.

"We'll come and play in a minute," John Paul promised, his agreement enough to make Joshua smile and run back to join his friends.

Taking hold of Craig's hand John Paul ran his fingers over the simply golden band that he had placed there almost three years earlier, declaring the man as his husband. Smiling Craig brushed his thumb over the ring that encircled John Paul's finger, an identical twin to his own, binding them together in love and family.

"I wish Debbie could have been here for all this too," John Paul said, "But she couldn't... So we'll just have to make sure that Joshua grows up happy and strong for her... and I think we're doing a pretty good job."

"Yeah," Craig agreed, comforted by his husband's words. Joshua would always know that Debbie was his mother, just like he would always know how much he was loved by his two adoptive fathers.

"He's a lovely little boy," the blonde haired mother of one of the children said as she approached the men. John Paul smiled to himself as he realised he only knew the woman as "Dylan's mother" rather than having any idea of her real name.

"We're proud of him," Craig said, his eyes reflecting the pride in his voice.

"I've always wondered though," Dylan's mother continued, "And I hope you don't mind me asking but... well it's hard to tell by looking at him... and I know he has the name Dean... but then you look at his eyes and... I could just never tell which one of you is his real father."

Turning for a moment to look at his husband Craig felt a rush of perfect peace and love. Thanks to a beautiful blonde man and an adorable little boy his life was complete. It would have been easy enough to explain about Debbie and the adoption, telling Dylan's mother that technically neither man was Joshua's father but at that moment Craig realised that wouldn't have been the truth.

Holding John Paul's hand tightly Craig smiled as he answered honestly. "We both are!"

Without waiting for the woman's response Joshua's fathers crossed the room to their son, John Paul scooping the boy into his arms and spinning him around to Joshua's squeals of delight. When they finally came to a stop Craig wrapped his arms around the man and boy, kissing them both over and over on the cheeks, holding his family close.

Karma, fate or the universes cruel sense of humour, who knew? But when it all came together John Paul and Craig knew it was how it was meant to be.


End file.
